I spent a long time thinking about what to write here and I felt that it might be better to write from the heart based on exactly how I feel.
I don’t even know where to start in praising God for his favour in my life. It’s like every thing I touch and ruin, he blesses and every time I fail him he forgives.
In the last few weeks it can easily be said that I have learnt to fall and get up. To pray for forgiveness repeat a sin and still pray knowing that God is my every present help and if not for him I won’t be here. I have seen that I need to forget about all I have done and how every sin I commit nails him back to the cross and think about what he already achieved.
Please do not mis-understand this message. I do not claim to be a perfect man in Christ. On the contrary, I claim to be quite the opposite. It with intense humility and pain that I write and acknowledge that just like anyone that might feel that he has squandered his inheritance like the “prodigal son” in the parable of Christ. I too am an unworthy “co-heir” with Christ. My imperfectness still astonishes me. His capacity to forgive and set straight to crooked road is beyond my comprehension.Now I have only but a faint grasp of the song “What manner of man is Jesus”.
I have not failed by lack of desire in that I am truly successful but through lack of action I am but rags. If my desire made me righteous then I am rich but my actions lead me into wretched poverty. If you are reading this please understand that this note is not about me. It is not even about you and all you might or might not have done and whatever sorrow and deep gutter you might be in. Lift you eyes and see what I saw. It about a real experience with a God that never see’s you as less. It is about the favour and forgiveness that comes from knowing a “loving God” that never judges a repentant heart.
In all my transgressions, my father has never left my side. In all my failures he has never departed me and now I truly see that the love of God knows no bounds. His love puts me to a shame that makes sin even worse to accept and the guilt that follows indescribable. I have nothing of personal worth that I should boast of now. Not even a single thing that men think are worth anything yet through the love that God has shown for me I know that my steps have been covered before I can even conceptualise my journey.
I bring to you the only hope we have of a future and a present. The gift of Christ’s sacrifice for a person like me. A gift that “whosoever believes in him will have ever lasting life”. This is not a tale from a book written from generations ago. This is the very story of my life till this very day. A story of Gods undying love and compassion for a dying and unworthy son and just like David in the psalms I am in awe that such a God could be mindful of man. Who are we father that you would take notice?
I could sit here and try to awe you and excite you just like in a multi million dollar movie with stories of Gods goodness or I can hope that whoever reads this note knows that the writer speaks deeply from their heart about a love that can only be understood when felt.
I have made many mistakes in my life and because of the ragged body I will still wear till the day I meet the one I put all my hope in. I know I might still fall even again but the one thing I know can never be a mistake is accepting that I cannot save myself. Heaven knows I have tried in the past and failed every time without exception. I cannot be my own messiah for in the chains of this body sin lives and no matter what I do only God can bring me peace.
I thank everyone that has been with me through my somewhat boring journey of faith and would like to say that I am a life that was saved. God found me through you. One person in particular who has always kept me humble through it all and made the love of God real in their own very unusual but special way. May God bless you, keep you and give you all your hearts desire. May the spirit of the lord never depart you and bring you a future that shows how blessed he has made you. A life time is not enough to show how much it has meant and will always mean to me. Ten life times is not enough to show you just how much you have given for the lord. Even though you never knew you did.