Jun 20, 2020 | User Submitted Stories |
I have no clue what purpose I came to this world for. Still, I do believe I haven’t landed here by chance.
I remember that appointment as if I’d just stepped out of the room.
During a turbulent point in time, I was in desperate need of professional help. In fact, I’ve always needed it, but wouldn’t admit defeat. I have despised my fearful introspection for as long as I can remember, and it worsened when my parents endured a rampant flood of small problems, which later grew into an overwhelming flow.
My mother’s long-standing alcoholism inflamed my father’s abusive tendencies, resulting in estrangement from both parts.
I was unable to bear the circumstances alone, that had never happened before; an anxiety attack followed another as I recited and regurgitated failure in my head. I couldn’t be my own shelter, for I had lost my sense of myself. Right away, I scheduled a session with a psychiatrist.
“See, each of us has a purpose inside the family,” said the quirky doctor. “You might not believe this kind of stuff, but you might have been someone’s mother in your past life”.
He was visibly anxious, almost as much as I was. “I say that because you seriously want to glue your parents back together, but you can’t carry this responsibility by yourself. That way, you’ll be discarding their purpose. And that’s selfish.”
In one sentence, he had decoded a great percentage of my character. It’s no wonder he was an empath who followed the Spiritist doctrine, as my mother did when she was younger. She had her beliefs taken away from her by force, due to my father’s Christian fanaticism. Her books were shoved away in drawers, and then replaced with the Bible. With that, her essence had gone missing.
I have no clue what purpose I came to this world for. Still, I do believe I haven’t landed here by chance.
Somewhere far from here, heaven knows how long ago, we might have been cautiously selected to partake in specific lives. That may be the reason families differ from one another: a collective exchange of peculiarities never ceases to take place. Knowledge is transferred. The gaps are filled.
That day, I left the appointment with a whirl of questions and a thumping heart. My curiosity over the spiritual gathering of families has always been present, but I couldn’t say a word. Mother and I never spoke about that, so as to avoid heated arguments in case my father was eavesdropping.
We never knew what his next measure would entail.
…
A long overdue mental breakdown about the marriage was enough to lock my mother up in a psychiatric hospital so she could “unwind” from the accumulated stress. She spent six full months there. Years ago, this would have been a nightmare, owing to my dependence on her. An hour or two of unannounced absence would be a trigger for over thinking catastrophic scenarios and going over silent prayers.
I grew accustomed to hearing her filtered voice over the phone for a restricted amount of time. Day after day, by degrees we began to fall apart, which was doing more good than harm. I would no longer fret over her coming home safely, nor her eating habits. She was safe there, away from me.
One thing avoided was “I love you”. There’s something ruinous about it. Perhaps my fixation for dramatic cinema wasn’t beneficial since the cinematic “I love yours” oftentimes have disastrous consequences. From thoughts of sad parting to death, superstition stole my sensibility.
“Why can’t I have a decent family?”
I would often hold on to that thought. Had I not met my purpose? Had my mother not met hers? Whatever the answer, I felt like I was doing a terrible job. I hung onto mantras such as “everything happens for a reason”, yet the reason was unknown.
Even so, I shouldn’t have tortured myself trying to pinpoint what I was soon to discover. The answer was on its way, slowly but surely.
…
After her discharge from the hospital, everything seemed oddly well between my parents. Father fought for her through thick and thin despite their stormy past. But mother wasn’t the same anymore.
A heavy antidepressant treatment ironically sucked the joy out of her. From a slurry and violent mess to an angst-ridden lady, the contrast was striking. She required company even during the most mundane of morning strolls and couldn’t sleep before the bathroom lights were on to comfort her.
For months on end, getting used to her new personality was brutal. I had no recollection of how my real mother used to be, and that kindled my frustration. Now, she was just childlike, and fearful, and…
…Me?
She was me. She was me a few years ago, that coy child who used to hide from strangers behind her legs. But she was me.
That nervous and shaky little girl who’s cradled in my soul to this very day. I detested myself; therefore I’d detest her, as well. But where would she hide? She wasn’t little anymore, I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t even protect myself.
All it took was a brief moment for the truth to dawn: we have switched roles for a while. I would be cynical, too, if this hadn’t come to pass. Taking care of my mother, someone who has looked after me for twenty long years would be a challenging trial. It still is.
In my mind, I’ve already lost her to time, now I’m watching her grow as she braves through the harsh treatment. My daughter. My long lost daughter, whom I love so dearly.
As I write this, my mother is spending a few weeks at my grandmother’s house. I believe she’s making up to the years wasted on bitterness and contempt throughout an exhausting and familiar relationship with her parents. Now, in a vulnerable state, she has shrunk back into who she used to be, a girl in need of a mother’s embrace.
An embrace that could heal any malady.
Aug 17, 2014 | Lessons Through Religion, User Submitted Stories |
My Near Death Experience Meet Me On The Other Side
Introduction:
I had ten heart attacks:
My tenth heart attack was the worst. I had an experience and I want to tell my story. My story is not for everyone. It is for open minded seekers who have already looked into the possibility of life after death, heard testimonies and want to understand how they are similar even though they all seem to differ and even contradict each other. I may have a helpful piece of the puzzle for you.
I am not a writer as you will see. With this I want to try to attract the attention of a writer who would be able to dig out of me what I really mean by all of this and organize it in a decent order. It may help some people understand the differences in people’s near death experiences, and give you another view of what the after life might be like.
I became a serious seeker after my first heart attack. My first three heart attacks were fifteen days apart. I was scared. I trusted only myself and searched as deeply as I could with an open mind. I knew not to actually join or get involved with any group, religion or movement, however, I wanted to hear what they had to say. I knew how to sort out what I want from them and leave the rest behind. Their message had to make sense to me and fit into what I already knew.
I found where heaven is:
I connected the dots to the stories from many who have had Near Death Experiences (NDEs), I am an NDEer myself. Later in my experience, I got help from a visitor from the other side.
I received two negative reviews on my story telling me I sound like I know-it-all, while at the same time I’m saying; We, including me, got it wrong about God. The thing is, in my short story I dare to try to explain the knowledge that was given to me by my guardian angel visitor. You will see later that it is confusing because of the way my visitor and I had our exchange. I considered re-writing my story but that won’t work. I’m not being arrogant at all. I did however, remove the last two closing paragraphs by request, where I thought I had been rejected by the NDE community, turns out, I was wrong about that.
I always knew the bible was written in code, and I found that all of the holy books are written that way with similar patterns. I am able to make sense of the ancient Greek stories and can read the stars the way they were intended to be read, as if they too were a holy book written in the same code. On the first page of the bible it says, “the stars shall be for signs”. Genesis 1:14. It doesn’t say that they will be for signs, someday.
During my NDE I was uploaded with all the information of the universe. I wish I could remember it all now, though, I do know where that knowledge is. That knowledge is still inside me, however, it’s not as overwhelming as the day it was dropped in my lap. I am able to access a lot of it like any of our normal memories. That knowledge is inside of us all. When I was dead, for the lack of a better term, I knew how many rain drops had ever fallen on the earth. I knew everything about everyone who ever lived – all of their secrets, all of their favorite foods and even their thoughts. This list was endless.
I learned not only what God is, but I learned what God is not. Folks, we got it wrong, and always have. Humans want to believe in monsters, unicorns, leprechauns, devils, etc. People want to believe in miracles and that a man could walk up to an ocean and wave his hands and the sea will open. Or, that a man can talk to a burning bush or even lay down his staff and it would turn into a serpent. How about Jonah, who spent three days in the belly of a fish and came out an evangelist? Then there was the young David who killed the giant Goliath with a sling shot, and that a donkey talked to a man….. As soon as you tell yourself that these people were favored by God, it’s the same as telling yourself that you are not as well liked by God.
The bible is written in code:
Jesus told his disciples that the secrets of the kingdom of God are given to them, but to everyone else they must be taught in parables. Luke 8:10. What makes us think that the disciples, after they became apostles, went and wrote the four gospels and forgot, or ignored what Jesus told them. They wrote the gospels in the same code as all the other prophets. The bible also says that Jesus never spoke but in a parable. People think that the words written in red are straight up truth. The truth is in there but you need to know how to interpret it. The writers keep repeatedly saying, “Blessed is he who reads, and understands the words of this prophecy.” Whoever you would ask if they understand the words of the prophecy they would tell you they do, and actually believe they do. Everyone would claim to be open minded and they believe they really are. As long as we find someone who believes what we believe, we call them open minded.
Religions claim that their religion is the only real truth. Everyone is adamant that their religion is the correct teaching and everyone else has it wrong. I learned during my NDE that is the way it is suppose to be on earth – the more confusing the better. The world is one big logic problem and we were sent here to figure it out. We came here and forgot who we really are. It looks confusing but the more pieces to the puzzle you uncover you will see it is really pretty simple. So simple that it’s hard to believe the answer is right under our noses. People don’t want to hear simple, they want far out, mystic and supernatural to be their truth.
In my search, I looked into several religions briefly until I found the pattern I was expecting to find, and I always found it. I found the same formula every time, numerology, a play on words, and symbols. In ‘The Gospel of Phillip, who’s book was removed from the bible, Phillip says that, “Truth did not come into this world naked, but by types and images. One cannot find truth in any other way.”
I looked into the human brain and found a connection. I studied mind control, hypnosis, Stockholm Syndrome, Sacred Geometry, sound frequencies, UFO’s, Out of Body Experiences (OBEs) and things that would make people label me a conspiracy theorist. I studied Edgar Cayce, who was known as The Sleeping Prophet, I listened to everyone who had something to teach. I took what I wanted from them and left the rest behind. Everyone has bits and pieces of the truth.
I learned that, everyone has a piece of the puzzle, but have not put everything together before they rush out and begin to teach it to the world. So, we have a lot of contradictions and confusion. Is it any wonder? The bible warns about this in many ways.
I am going to do a lot of negative talking about religions and groups but I will, also, explain why they all have their place and are actually beneficial for us in our search.
Unconditional Love?
After my first heart attack I was scared. I can’t put into words how afraid I was of the after life. I knew, throughout my life, when I was doing wrong that I was doing wrong, and it didn’t matter much to me. I think at the time that I believed in God but didn’t think he wanted me in heaven anyway, but in my youth as far as I was concerned, I was immortal and dying was a long way off. Then I learned, and conveniently kept in the back of my head, that, all I have to do someday would be to ask God for forgiveness and I would be covered, piece of cake, but for now, I wasn’t going to watch my language, tote a bible, or sing any corny songs.
Like a lot of people, for most of my life, I made decisions I would regret forever. I made life a whole lot tougher on myself than it needed to be, and I blamed everyone else for the way my life was turning out. I looked for trouble and always found it. Trouble seemed to come looking for me too, meanwhile, I could charm the girls, I wasn’t bad looking, I was a talented musician, I was the king of manipulation, I could talk my way out of anything and I would lie just for the sake of lying – I would lie even if the truth was much more interesting.
My mother died when she was fifty-three and my father died just days after his fifty-sixth birthday. Both deaths were heart related. I was forty-six years old when I had my first heart attack and my first three were fifteen days apart. Now, I started to worry. Death was starting to look like a real possibility. Suddenly, I was very afraid; However, I couldn’t open my mouth and pray to God. I knew the way I had been thinking all these years, I didn’t want to manipulate or bargain with God. I wanted my prayer to be sincere and had no idea how to do that.
Suddenly, everything I heard about the afterlife came flooding back to me, and I panicked. I started searching for a plan. I looked into every religion I could think of to try and make a decision as to what I should do to at least get my foot in the door of heaven. I even thought if I could just have a low level job there that it would be better than burning in hell forever.
If I discussed religion with ten people I got fifteen different opinions. This pattern kept getting worse until I was really scared because I knew, with all my heart and soul I looked under every rock. Now what? I spent a lot of time alone on my farm but still could not make myself pray, I knew, God wasn’t going to fall for any of my side show techniques.
When I did finally decide to open my mouth and discuss my situation with God, after a period of weeping, I shifted into feeling very angry. I raised my voice and to the point of being disrespectful to God, I demanded, that I get the truth. I told God, it was promised to me that if I searched earnestly I would find the truth. I told him, I searched hard and became even more confused and my fears only grew stronger. I was very much in God’s face and at that point I thought I didn’t care if he cut me down with a lightning bolt.
At the end of that heated, one sided conversation, I suddenly felt a calm come over me. I relaxed, and my anger left as fast as it came onto me. I did not hear an audible voice but my thoughts spoke to me. I felt very strongly, that I just might have done something right. I thought of the phrase I had heard many times, ‘Unconditional Love’. I thought, how is it possible to offend God? How is it possible, if he is pure love, to make him angry? I had the feeling that he felt that I had shown him that I wanted answers so badly, that I was even willing to stand up to him and be willing to die if I couldn’t have his forgiveness. Turns out, I felt that he thought I must have been pretty serious to take such a risky step. I even had the feeling that it is what is required of us. One thing I learned in my search was to trust my thoughts and feelings.
Later I thought, if a child of mine came to me and told me they had messed up and wanted my help, realizing they were frightened, I wouldn’t care what tone they used with me, I would listen, and do whatever I could do for them.
Beginning right after my confrontation with God, as I continued in my search, things started making sense to me. I comprehended more of what I read and things were quickly falling into place. This new, very comfortable pattern went on for years as I continued to have many more heart attacks. I had ten total, and during my tenth heart attack I had my NDE.
When people say they saw a UFO, or they saw a ghost, they always feel they have to mention that they don’t care what people think, they know what they saw. Well, I do care what people think. I do want people to believe me when I tell them I had an experience, and hopefully, maybe someone will be inspired by my story.
My Tenth Heart Attack – My NDE:
December 21, 2012. The Mayans implied that date would be the end of the world according to their calendar. Well, nothing happened. That day came and went like any other. Not even a meteor shower that we could claim as a sign. Like everyone else, I was disappointed and embarrassed. I remembered what I had told people about this date and thought they must think of me now as a complete fool. So, I didn’t say anything about it to anyone. I think that’s how a lot of people felt, too. No one brought it up afterwards because they had no answer. So maybe if we just don’t say anything about our false predictions this will all just go away and everyone will forget what we had ever said. Kind of like when we pray for someone to be healed, even though it was promised to us that if we ask it will be given to us. When the healing doesn’t happen we have trained ourselves, and each other to quickly say, “Oh well, it must be God’s will”.
Thirteen days after 12/21/2012, on Friday January 4th 2013, I had plans to meet with a cousin at a local smorgasbord. We meet once every year or two when he is in town. I’m a sucker for a good meal and when I do their buffet I over do it every time with breakfast meats. I put lots of ham, bacon, sausage, and scrapple on my plate and return for more. I really enjoy breakfast meats. I know how they clog my arteries, but I somehow always convince myself that I can get away with it just this once.
That evening, my son called and asked me if I wanted to meet him at, the same smorgasbord the next morning. Sure, I wouldn’t miss a chance to meet up with my son and his family for breakfast – I didn’t say a word to him about me being there already that morning. We met and again, I over did it with the breakfast meats. I should have known better because I have had nine heart attacks in the seven years before this, but I have always been a risk taker. I think at this point I have had five stints put in and one of them was put inside another one. After the second breakfast I should have driven myself straight to the hospital and sat in the waiting room and waited for my next heart attack. I made it through the day and just hoped no other relatives would want to go to that buffet any time soon. The answer is yes, I probably would have gone. Don’t judge me.
The next day, the day of my NDE, was Sunday, January 6th 2013. Ironically, January sixth is the day each year that the world recognizes the Epiphany as a holiday (The Vision of God) on January sixth or the nearest Sunday. This was a Sunday morning, so, the entire world was probably celebrating on that day. I, though, was in my kitchen at home and felt pressure on my chest and from experience I knew this was another heart attack. Within moments, I got myself to the floor and asked my wife to call for an ambulance. It didn’t take too long for me to realize that this attack was worse than any of the others. I told my wife that I felt the ambulance was not going to get there in time. They did arrive eventually but I don’t think they realized how bad this attack was at the time. They seemed to not be in too much of a hurry to get me to the hospital. I wanted to tell them we needed to go, Now!!
Eventually they did get me to the hospital and on time, but by then my body was thrashing around like a helpless fish on the deck of a boat. I could not stop thrashing, I had no control. When they took me down for my tenth catheterization, I was still thrashing about while I was being prepped. Sure, everyone kept telling me to stop moving around, but, I could not. The doctor came in and started the procedure and was telling me to hold still. I wished that I could because I really wanted him to get on with this procedure; I knew I was in trouble this time. They obviously needed me to be still and could not sedate me because my blood pressure had bottomed out, and it would be dangerous to put me under. I had nine of these catheterizations and some of them they put me under and some I was awake through the entire surgery. They needed me to be still so they made the decision to sedate me, so they could do their job. Well, it killed me. I was never told that I was considered clinically dead at any time, but, I was. Believe me, I was dead.
I remember relaxing and drifting off into a dark quiet sleep. It wasn’t too long that I woke up. The doctor was doing his job and I was not thrashing anymore. The doctor was talking with his staff and everything was normal. Oh, except for the man standing beside me with his right hand on my right shoulder. I knew his touch was the reason I stopped thrashing. I felt sure that if he removed his hand, I would begin again.
Everyone in the room at this time was different. They had only “good” in them and were genuinely concerned for my health. I mean, no one had any negative thoughts inside them. No evil thoughts were in this world at this time. I realized then that no one is going to go to hell the way we learned in church. The negative inside each of us is going to be in a different place somewhere. When I say these people had no negative thoughts, I don’t mean evil thoughts like killing or raping. What I mean is, they weren’t thinking that it was lunch time and they are going to be late for their lunch break. I knew their thoughts. No one was thinking any negative thoughts, those negative thoughts were in another world, another matrix. The world I was in was good. I knew, though, that I was still on earth and these people were real people, not spirits.
The man standing beside me was, ME! I realized right away that it was pretty clever for God to send ‘me’ to handle this and the reason is, since I had my first heart attack, I was scared and only trusted myself for answers. Scared of dying and afraid of what I had heard about the afterlife if I wasn’t a good person. I have skeletons in my closet, enough said about that.
So, here I am, lying on a table in the O.R. with, I don’t know, an angel? Well it was ‘me’ alright and when I spoke to him I was on the table looking up at him. When he spoke to me, I was inside him looking down at me and I was actually doing the talking, answering myself. I knew his answers were sincere because when I was inside him, I knew his thoughts.
He, or I, said that I was not going to die. He’s only here to answer my questions. He said I had been on the right path in my search but it needed work. I told him I studied symbols and parables and myths and I understand them and have figured them out to where things pretty much make sense to me. I asked him, if he talks to me will he talk straight up and not in symbols? I told him, if you can do that I sure would like to talk with you. I have many unanswered questions. He assured me he could talk straight with me. I had no doubt he was telling me the truth. With a comforting smile, he admitted that NDEers are usually given their experience in symbols. It’s why they seem to contradict each other.
This was only fifteen days after December 21, 2012, and the first thing I asked my visitor was, “What that day was all about?” Telling him, I knew something was important about that date, but that the day came and went with nothing significant happening. He started out by assuring me that I already knew. I rolled my eyes. He reminded me of a zodiac chart. He pointed out that the last ‘age’ was Pisces, the fish. On 12/21/2012, we officially entered the Age of Aquarius.
He went on to tell me that, “Jesus came in the age of Pisces. Fish is symbolic of wisdom. Everything in the gospels involves fish. Jesus made disciples out of fishermen, John the Baptist, the name John is actually Oenus, which means fish. Water is symbolic of truth. If you put water in a vessel it will instantly take the shape of the vessel. Water remains perfectly level, and is totally transparent. Water, cannot lie. Fish are a symbol of wisdom because they live in water. Jesus’ job at that time was to bring wisdom into the world. He did his job and did it well. The Age of Aquarius, according to the zodiac chart is represented by a naked man pouring a pitcher of water out onto the earth. Wisdom is in the world now, technology is through the roof, and people’s minds have evolved enough to be able to handle the truth, the naked truth. There is no longer a need to speak to them in parables, riddles, myths and fables. Jesus’ disciples asked him when he would return and he replied, “When you see the man with the pitcher of water, follow him into the city and I will meet you there.” Mark 14:13
My visitor told me, “The problem is, that it will be hard for people to listen to the truth because of their core beliefs. Their beliefs are so embedded in them that they will not want to hear anything different than what they already believe. This is the meaning of the parable of the people saying, ‘Give us Barabbas. Crucify the Jew!’ This means, people will always rather have their traditions and do not want the truth. They want to believe in unicorns, monsters and that a man can walk on water. Jesus walked on truth, not water. They want to believe that a man spent three days in the belly of a fish and lived. Things on earth do not happen the way they are told in the bible, they are symbolic stories. A man did not walk up to an ocean and open it up and cross over into freedom. The color ‘red’ is symbolic of our emotions, especially ego. Moses separated the Red Sea, the earth’s truth from common sense truth. He parted his ego and was able to find the real truth and be saved. Do you remember ever reading, ’The truth will set you free?’ Being baptized in water is symbolic of being baptized in truth.
Jesus was baptized by John the fish (wisdom) with water (truth) then heaven opened up to him. Jesus also turned water into wine. Wine is a symbol of spirit. He turned wisdom into truth, then he turned truth into spirit.”
He continued, “The story of Noah, before the flood, the bible says there was no rain, a mist came up from the earth. It does not work that way, there has always been rain. A mist represents tiny particles of water, or truth. That’s what we get from the earth, bits and pieces of truth. Then Noah went into the ark (meditation) and the flood came. Lots of truth came to him.
These beliefs have been put in people’s heads by religions with the aid of fear. Religions tell us that if you don’t believe this, you will burn in hell forever. What is a child suppose to do but submit and trust their parents and leaders. There is always an ‘or else’ if you don’t obey.
Religions make God sound like an old man with a long beard sitting around plotting revenge and eventually planning a blood bath on the earth someday. Then they keep saying how awesome is God.
” Changing from the age of Pisces to Aquarius is changing from wisdom to truth then spirit will return to the earth, (you)
??
“When the student is ready, the teacher will come” — Buddha
With his right hand still on my right shoulder the man moved around me and placed his left hand on my left shoulder. Instantly I was uploaded with all the information of the universe. I knew how many rain drops had ever fallen on the earth. I knew everyone’s name, and everything about everyone who ever existed and who is to ever live. I knew, and remembered every thought and feeling each person ever had as if I lived their life. Not only, every person, but every living thing. I knew every bird, every star, and I was shown my life in every tiny detail. Some people who have NDEs are shown their life and are made to feel every emotion and feel every pain that they had ever put someone else through. When I was given this knowledge, I was reminded that I had done a search of the way I had treated people. When I was searching for the truth I re-enacted and made myself remember who I had treated badly. I considered as closely as I could how they must have felt. So, with the man behind me I was not made to re-live that part of my life. I had already taken care of that for the most part. That information was included in the knowledge I was given, but I was not made to re-live it in a separate session.
The important part about being uploaded with all of this knowledge is that even though I forget what was shown to me now that I have returned; now I know where that knowledge is. It is not in a physical or geographic place somewhere out in space. It is inside of every one of us already. It is the collective mind. Heaven is a massive compilation of all of our thoughts, memories and imaginations. I was taken inside of myself and shown this knowledge. I did not go off into outer space.
My visitor gave me an example, He said, “If I were to write the word ‘wagon’ on the black board in a class room, would it be just a word on the blackboard? The moment I write it and you read the word “wagon” the word goes into your head and becomes a picture in your head. One person will picture a red wagon, another person will picture a covered wagon in an old western movie. There will be an image in everyone’s head of a different wagon. That wagon is now a thought and no longer just a word on the blackboard. Thoughts are real and alive. Leave the classroom and later someone may ask you how the class went today and you might tell them about the wagon exercise. They will immediately create an image of a wagon and it will, also, be in their head forever. They will have it filed away and when that person is asked someday what kind of a class you attend, and in gossiping they might say, “Some stupid class about wagons.” Nevertheless the picture of the wagon was spread and it does not matter what that picture looks like in anyone’s head. It is your private perception of that wagon, but it can be used someday to ride on down the streets paved with gold if you want to. The image is in your head and cannot ever be removed. This is the way it is with every word you put in your head, the word is all mighty powerful and with the word you are blessed”.
When we are awake here in this realm, in this physical world, the switch is turned on and we are aware of our surroundings. When we die, or when we are in a proper state of meditation, or when we are having an NDE, the switch can be turned off, and this allows the switch to be turned on, to our collective imagination. Please do not take this lightly, our thoughts are real and we are connected to each other by our mind. When we open a book and read the words, they are only words when they are on paper, but when we read them we put those words into our heads. They then become thoughts and thoughts are alive. They can be used to create later, figure things out, or solve a problem of any kind, or just to have fun with. Thoughts are not only real they are spiritual. A surgeon cannot open your skull and find one thought or one dream or a single idea. Where are they? They are stored in the collective mind. The collective mind is many times more massive than what we call cyber space. We know it’s there but we cannot see it. (Everything in cyber space was also included in the knowledge I was given, even everything that had been deleted, so watch your selfies) Every bit of information that goes into our heads and every daydream is filed away and creates another portion of heaven. We will live in our imagination someday and everyone we know is in there, it is a real world, a real universe, and has been built on since the beginning of time.
We are connected by our mind. Our thoughts are separate from our mind and our common sense is even more unique. When we get an idea, we claim it as our own, not realizing it came from the collective mind. Our ego kicks in with each thought. You might say for example, “Wow, I just had an idea. I just invented something. I’m going to go to the patent office and register my idea so no one can steal it, then I’m going to go to the bank and take out a loan and mass produce my widget. I’ll be rich. I may or may not share my wealth, depends on if I like you or not.” Everything is, ME ME ME!!! We don’t give credit to the mind; we live in our thoughts where we are separate from the mind.
The name Abraham means, ‘Father of a Multitude.’ (Hebrew) The word father in ancient eastern philosophy means, the mind. The word son means, our thoughts, and the Holy Spirit is our common sense. Abraham is the father of us all. The prodigal son has left the father. In other words, here on earth we are basically out of our minds. That’s the way it is suppose to be on earth. We have fallen from grace and have to find our way back to the father. Don’t blame Lucifer for what he did, take responsibility for yourself. You and I fell from grace, not some creepy monster. People in this world are all to blame; we are trying to make this world perfect, like the next world. We think that if we just make another law the problem will be fixed. Problem is, we make it worse instead of better. Then we think we must be in need of another law or two.
How to Read the Apostle Paul in the Bible:
My visitor insisted, “You almost have to read the apostle Paul completely backwards. Just because he says something, it doesn’t mean he means what he says. Paul was never one of Jesus’ disciples. He was never one of the twelve. One of the twelve had to be eliminated. Judas was Jesus’ most trusted disciple. He was the treasurer of the group, and when he dipped the sop with Jesus, that was like a contract between two people. It was an honor to be chosen to do a special job.
The twelve disciples represent the twelve cranial nerves in your head. One of them will deceive you. The optical nerve. Your eyes deceive you. You can’t always believe what you see on earth. Nor can you believe all you read in the holy books if you read with your intellect. You have to read with a different eye. You have to read with your third eye, the pineal gland. You have to see things with your thoughts. (When you are searching and finding truth you will hopefully come to this conclusion) Paul represents the ‘new eye’ that you will be able to see with. He is the replacement for the twelfth apostle. Judas was never an apostle, he killed himself before the other eleven became apostles. So, you must read and understand Paul in a different way. A disciple is a student, they became apostles (teachers) later, according to the book of Acts in the bible”.
Paul was arguably, never even a real person. There is no record of him ever existing. The stories of him too, are alligories. The closest anyone can come to the Paul character in the bible is, Appollonius of Tyana.
http://www.truthbeknown.com/apollonius.html
Paul is the most favored apostle by Christians. He is the most respected of all the others. He doesn’t show up until the book of Acts in the bible which comes just after the four gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
My visitor went on to tell me, “He, (Paul) use to persecute Christians before he had his experience on the road to Damascus. Christians think, he came to his senses and doesn’t persecute Christians anymore. Not necessarily so! On your search you must persecute Christianity and all religions. Paul, (like myself) had to come to the conclusion that religions are wrong to give people all these rules, and fears, to make their flock obey. Then he was able to see clearly and find truth and saw an apparition of Jesus on the road to Damascus. When this revelation hit Paul, it knocked him off his horse”.
Paul later said, “The things I should do, I do not do. The things I know I should not do, those things I do”.
Christians take these words and say, see? even Paul admits we are all just sinners and we will be for the rest of our lives. This gives christians a free pass to do a little wrong. That’s not what Paul was saying at all, you must read Paul completely backwards. He was talking to the church. I will paraphrase here to show my point. Paul was saying to the church, those rules you place on me, like, I should always say something kind or do something I don’t want to do, and smile, I’m not going to do those things. The things you, (the church) don’t want me to do, like look at a beautiful woman or say a curse word, or even think something I shouldn’t think, I’m going to do those things anyway. I am a free thinker – My thoughts are not going to be in bondage to you or your needless rules”.
I am never going to try to teach what I know to any group. I will gladly offer someone many examples but what I would be helping them with is jump-starting their brain so they can begin to think on their own, and not thinking through the government, a religion, their family, an education system, etc.
People get information from the other side but before they are ready to teach they decide to become a teacher because of their ego. They don’t have the bottom line and their teaching is nothing more than a bunch of rambling. You will even hear them say while they’re teaching, that they are still on the search themselves. The parable of the ten virgins speaks of just that. If you have been given oil, save it for when it is the proper time to use it and not before. In paraphrasing, the story of the ten virgins, means simply, shut up!! It is, also, put to us in the bible that we should not try to cast the splinter out of someone else’s eye before we cast the beam out of our own eye.
It is hard to comprehend, so, do I leave out the part where, while my visitor was with me we were together eighteen years. The doctors only worked on me for about an hour and a half. In the eighteen years, I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t bored, nor did I have to use the restroom. The visitor answered my questions and I asked what I wanted to know without being shy. He assured me that I was going to be okay.
Because of the way my visitor and I had our exchange, when I spoke to him I was inside myself, when he spoke to me I was inside him. I have trouble remembering who said what sometimes. I use to focus on, was that in question form or was that an answer? I don’t try to focus on that anymore, too confusing. When I was inside him I knew his thoughts, so I knew his answers were truthful. The way time was on that day is also confusing to me. I knew somehow that it was eighteen years I was with my visitor but there was not eighteen years worth of sunrises and sunsets, or any other way to determine time. He started out teaching me in ‘real time’ then when he uploaded me with information time changed. It was like eighteen years of education in a split second.
I learned how to read the bible and other holy books:
When I was on my search, I found that everything is pointing me to physical parts of the head, particularly the brain. For example, The Gospels say, “They led him to Golgotha, which is to say, The Place of the Skull.” The temple on the side of your head is the only temple not made by hands. I always enjoyed a play on words and had fun with them. The mercy seat is the collection of very important parts in the center of your brain which are described in the bible. ie, The fornix (the furnace, or the vault, or the tomb) The pillars of fornix (the pillars inside the temple) The Hippocampus (the white horse) the Thalamus, which houses the pineal gland, the hypothalamus, etc. In your brain there is also a Dura Mater and a Pia Mater, Hard Mother and Tender Mother, a.k.a. the holy and the holy of holies. In the tabernacle there are two rooms, the holy and the holy of holies, separated by a curtain or a veil – this is called the arachnoid in your brain, also, called the web. The arachnoid divide the Dura Mater and the Pia Mater in your head.
In Genesis 32:30 Jacob says, “I will call the name of the place Peniel for I have seen God face to face.” Then in verse 31 it says, “then they left Penuel…” Things like this should be attention getters. Is Peniel and Penuel the same as the Pineal Gland in the brain? I found many play on words, too many to ignore.
Rene’ Descartes, Father of philosophy in France, 1596 – 1650 said, “There is one place in the human body where God and soul meet, it’s the pineal gland of the brain”.
Everything in the holy books and all the ancient stories and all of their characters are things in our heads. Mnenosyne, Greek goddess of memory, mother of the Muses. Pegasus, the white seahorse, mother was Medusa, father was Poseidon, king of the raging sea. Pegasus, the Hippocampus in our brain.
So, if the holy books and all of mythology were leading me to physical parts of the brain; I had to wonder what were spiritual things in my brain. I figured that there are three things, the mind, (the Father) our thoughts, (the Son) and our common sense (the Holy Spirit) Slam dunk !!!
I learned that every group of living things in the bible are symbolic of our thoughts, ie, a plague of frogs, a plague of locus, the multitude, our enemies, armies, sheep, the wicked people of Sodom and Gommorah, the children of Egypt, the animals taken onto the ark, etc. This is not limited to the bible; Medusa’s snakes are symbolic of her raging thoughts after she had been raped by Poseidon. She turned herself, into a monster. When her head was severed by Percius, she released the white horse and gave birth to Pegasus. The white horse is spirit. Percius is persistence.
Are things in the bible symbolic? Yes! Are there contradictions? No!
* The bible says in one place to love your enemies. Then elsewhere it says, hate your mother.
* How did Moses write about his own death?
* One gospel says all the disciples were at the transfiguration of Jesus, In the gospel of John, John knew nothing about it. You would think something that awesome, John would at least mention it.
* In one of the gospels it says, immediately after being baptized by John the Baptist Jesus went out into the desert for 40 days. Then in another gospel it says, 3 days after Jesus was baptized he was at the wedding where he turned water into wine. Which is the truth?
~There are no contradictions if you have learned symbols and can understand parables.
~The bible talks about, ‘Dark Sayings.’ Psalms 78:2 and Proverbs 1:6
~God talks to us, (and lots of people in the bible) in our dreams, but we think dreams are only non-sense.
~Symbols are how God speaks to us because it’s a ‘Universal Language’. We say things like; “We shot the bull.” That doesn’t mean we took a gun and killed a poor bull, it means we had a conversation. We say, “She spilled the beans.” Don’t go get a broom, no one spilled any beans. It means she said something she shouldn’t have. It’s how everyone in the world talks. That’s why, and how God an God’s people, speak to us, In parables, myths and fables.
~God is here and is available now! Not after you die. We just don’t know how to listen to him, or see him.
~Would you buy a new car if the salesman gave you a Really good deal but said you can’t have it until after you die? No, of course you wouldn’t, but that’s what a lot of people are falling for when they come out of churches.
~Religions have their place, they keep a half decent order in the world, but they will not, and can not teach you about the, ‘Hidden Manna.’
I look at the stars now and see the same holy scripture:
I will give one example, it gets confusing. The three stars in Orion’s Belt. Say they represent Shadrack, Meshach and Abednego. If they go to the east (their right side), they line up with the star Sirius. Is there a play on words with the word serious? Behind the three boys is a star named Aldebaran, it is a ‘Red Giant’. Red represents our ego. So, if the boys get serious and leave behind their giant egos (Sirius is symbolic of the furnace), which is also the fornix in your brain, they leave behind their giant egos (with the help of their common sense) they will meet up with the ‘Son of Man.’
From right to left these six asterisks represent, Aldebaran, the three stars in Orion’s belt and Sirius and show how they all line up with the sunrise in the east. * * *** * You can see Aldebaran to the west of the three stars, and you will notice it is red.
Using your common sense is easy. The way the story goes in the bible is that the three boys were put into a furnace and they cranked up the heat seven times hotter. When they looked into the furnace later there was a forth person with them, who looked like the son of man. Use your common sense, it doesn’t work that way, what is the story trying to tell you?
Left Brain, Right Brain:
There is so much to say about the clues given to point you to how important it is to understand the left brain and the right brain in the bible. Jesus for example, said he was going to sit at the right hand of the father and he told his disciples to cast their nets to the right side of the ship. Another example is, 1 Kings 6:8 “The door for the middle chamber was in the right side of the house….” Still another, Judah was told in Numbers 2:3 to, “camp to the right, to the east, to the point of the rising sun”, and by the way, in verse 9 it says, “when they counted the number of the children of the tribe of Judah (who were called the children of light) there were 186,400”. The constant speed of light is 186,400 miles per second. Talk about God speed.
My argument is that the left brain is negative energy and the right brain is positive energy. The Quran has the same type of reference to left and right to refer to the people of the hellfire and the people of Paradise.
“Ashab el shemal” “أصحاب الشمال” literally translated to “friends of the left”.
“Ashab el yameen” “أصحاب اليمين” literally translated to “friends of the right”.
The bible uses the clue ‘right’ a lot and for good reason. There is a man named Bill Donahue with a website called Hiddenmeanings.com where I learned a lot about symbols. Thanks Bill.
When you put what you learn about symbols together, you will find that the left brain represents your intellect, the right brain is your spiritual nature or wisdom. You have a four-fold nature, your spiritual, intellectual, emotional and your physical. They use north to represent your emotional, east is your spiritual, south is your physical and west is your intellectual nature. Numbers are important in the bible, well, in all of ancient eastern philosophy and in the holy books, the number four means your four-fold nature. Shadrack, Meshack and Abednago, are three of the four, the planet Sirius represents the forth, spiritual. The number seven means Divine Intervention. Read the stories after learning about symbols and it makes the story so much more clear. The four horses in the book of Revelation, were red (emotional), pale (intellectual), black (physical) and white (spiritual).
The rider of the pale horse, his name was death. If you live by your intellect you will die, kill, and suffer many things. Well, we all live in our left brain, our intellect, and we are encouraged to develop our intellect to be successful on this planet. There lies the problem. We divorced our right brain and got a little selfish. This is the divorce that God hates. We need to re-marry our left brain and right brain. When a child age one through three is put on Santa Clause’s lap, the child sees the color red as a low frequency and is afraid. After the child is conditioned for a few more years he/she has no problem giving Santa their list of demands. Everything at that point is, ‘me me me!’ Also, when we turn four or five years old what else do you notice happening to us? We realize we are naked and cover up. It didn’t matter when we were younger who saw us without clothes, but now that your intellect has been conditioned enough and you have introduced guilt and shame into your world, now we need clothes. This is what happened to Adam and Eve when they were tempted by the serpent in the garden. These stories are parables.
The story of Adam and Eve in the bible is also teaching us about nuclear fusion. If you remove an electron from an atom, it becomes male energy because it has one less electron. When you take the electron you’ve taken from the atom and insert it into another atom, the second atom becomes female energy because now it has an extra electron. The electron is an R.I.B (Radioactive Ion Beam). You need a catalyst to actually do the procedure and in the case of the story of Adam and Eve, the catalyst is God. This is how life begins, and the male and female atoms can then begin to reproduce. This teaches us that some things should be removed from your left brain (intellect) making it male energy and insert real truth into your right brain (wisdom) making it female energy and the sons (thoughts) born from the re-marriage will become the child of promise. (this is the ten percent we should be tithing to the church, not our money) This is the time you can consider yourself born again. Remember, Moses was born of the slave woman and put on the water, then raised by the free woman. Abraham’s second born son Isaac was the child of promise. An allegory is a parable which names names and places, a parable just says for example, five virgins or the prodigal son, etc.
The apostle Paul says in Galatians Chapter 4:22, “For it is written, that Abraham had two sons, the one by the bondmaid, the other by a freewoman.” Verse 23, “But he who was of the bondwoman was born after the flesh; but the freewoman was by promise”, and in verse 24 he says, “Which things are an allegory…” Paul admits, this story is an allegory.
On a battery you have positive (+) and negative (-) energy and they must work together to produce power. If they are crossed, you have trouble and dangerous sparks. People think we should learn to think happy thoughts all the time. You need both positive and negative thoughts to figure this stuff out. This is the battle of Armageddon. Your thoughts are your only enemies, love your enemies. The male and female had better learn to get along or the marriage is over. Many who have NDE experiences will tell you:’
God is energy.
That has been made clear by many NDEers. But what does that mean? I have always needed to know the mechanics of the universe. My experience took me on that journey. The information I was uploaded with I dare try to explain making me look like a know-it-all.
Many NDEers say they were uploaded but don’t often try to explain. It is difficult. I am a musician, I have a recording studio and I understand sound frequencies. My guardian angel helped me polish my findings during my NDE. As you tune an instrument from low to higher you tighten the frequency. It’s mathematics, if the frequency of middle ‘C’ is 50 then ‘C’ on the next octave is doubled, to 100, the next octave would be 200, etc. If you go up too high only a dog can hear it. If you go too low it is very distorted, like someone experiencing feelings of depression.
The word ‘son’ means sound. The root word son is in a lot of words like, sonic, sonar, resonate, even the word sound sort of has the root word son in it (if you leave out the letter u) The Latin word for son is ‘sol’ – the Italian word for son is ‘sole’ – I like a play on words and can see the word ‘soul’ in these words.
The bible shows me clues related to sound waves. There will be 144,000 saved. Well, there are 144 tones and over-tones in every music scale.
If you look in the concordance in your bible and look up ‘wave offering’ then google it you will see a triangle image of a wave pattern pointing down-ward. If you look up ‘confirmation wave’ you will see an image of a wave pattern pointing upward. If you overlap the two images you will have the star tetrahedron shape, or the star of David. This is God communicating with man.
For the past 15 years you could buy a metal detector that can tell you what kind of metal is under the surface. Metals emit different frequencies and the metal detector can sort them out. Colors emit different frequencies. On a rainbow from bottom up, red is a low frequency and the highest is purple at the top. Same as your colored chakras. Each frequency gets tighter as you go up. Like if you had a pyramid shape colored like a rainbow and each color had ten waves – as you go up the ten waves would get tighter.
This is the way it is with the lower mind. In meditation, or as you are about to die, your frequency level changes and you can enter into your higher mind. In the bible this is, ‘going to the mountain.’
In the winter we lose all the nice higher frequency colors, blue skies, green grass, flowers, etc. and those colors are replaced by brown, dead grass, gray skies, and cold weather. Cold temperature has low frequencies as well. During this time people most sensitive to these changes can be diagnosed with, ‘Seasonal Depression.’ In the spring we have ‘New Life’ and new colors, smells and nicer temperatures that make us feel good.
Somewhere in Islamic teachings, possibly from a Hadith or perhaps just folklore, they also tell about Adam and Eve pro-creating. They kept having sets of twins. The twins were always male and female. The male twins would keep marrying the next female twins who were born. The next female would marry the next male, etc. I had a hobby two winters ago restoring golf carts. I have this a little unclear now but this kind of marriage is how you would connect six, 6 volt batteries to run a 36 volt system in an electric golf cart. You could also generate 36 volts if you wire together three 12 volt batteries using the same pattern. If religions would work together instead of separating themselves from each other the world would be a great place. The negative, low frequency energy we emit out into the universe only serves to divide us.
I have always enjoyed working on engines and like to restore old cars. I am a pretty good mechanic. In my search I wanted to know the mechanics of how some of these things work.
Heaven is the collective mind and the collective imagination – and my guardian angel describes why we all see things differently in his account of the ‘Wagon Exercise.’
This allows for people to experience many different accounts including God himself. Some people go to one world and some people go to another.
When the bible says, God made man in his image – according to my experience I take that as God made man in his imagination. No one is wrong, the left brain intellect demands details and answers. If someone has and experience it is real to them and if someone else’s story differs they must be wrong ???
Three questions…
1) How do you experience absolutely every thing in this world? Answer: With your mind and your thoughts.
2) If you go to hell how will you experience absolutely everything there? With your mind and your thoughts.
3) If you go to heaven how will you witness absolutely everything there? With your mind and your thoughts.
There is nothing in this universe, or in the next universe, but the collective mind, and the collective imagination.
Simply think something and it will manifest. I do not know what state I was in at the time of my NDE. I did not flat-line and I was not considered clinically dead. The people in the room would have been acting a little different than they were if I had flat-lined. I know my blood pressure had bottomed out and I was sedated when I shouldn’t have been. My arteries were clogged and I wasn’t getting the blood flow I needed.
I definitely had my mind. I knew all of the thoughts of the people in the room with me. They had no negative thoughts, those thoughts were in another world. I am glad I didn’t enter that other world in my experience. In my opinion, that would have been hell. An entire world, or a universe with nothing but negative thoughts and energy. Even with the excitement of knowing that I knew the thoughts of the people in the room with me, I focused on the conversation I was having with my guardian angel visitor.
When you go on a search for God, the last thing you want to do is to go to a bible scholar. A scholar has studied the bible with his left brain intellect and does not have many solid answers for you. The less education someone has on the bible the more I would listen to what they have to say. I know I am not adding many foot notes and references to prove my case, and also, I know how arrogant this is going to sound, but “I am the source of my information.” You are the source of your findings if you trust yourself and let no man on earth be your teacher.
When I woke up after the surgery and spoke to my doctors, I told them that I wanted to go home in the morning. They about had a cow and emphatically said, “No!” I told them I would sign myself out against medical advice if they didn’t release me. I knew I was going to be fine. I told the doctors I wasn’t going to take any medications anyway, or switch to any kind of a special diet. I wasn’t going to follow any advice, I was just going to get back to my normal routine; except maybe not overdoing it with breakfast meats so much anymore. I didn’t want to be argumentative with the doctors because for one thing they saved my life. I knew, and they reminded me of my condition when I arrived at the hospital. I was just assured by a higher power that I would be, “okay”, so, I trusted in that. I’m writing this now a year and a half after the experience and have not taken any of the prescribed heart medications. Yes, I will die like everyone else someday. When I do, I will enjoy the world of my/our imaginations and memories where everyone I ever knew who died before me will meet me there. I no longer have a fear of dying. I want to help people who really want help. I’m not interested in some of the drama from a lot of sufferers.
A Healing:
About twelve weeks ago. I met my friend at McDonald’s at a half way point between his home and mine. His phone interrupted our lunch but he had been waiting for an update on his ex wife’s condition. It was his step son. He got the update he had been dreading to hear. His step son said they were told she would probably not make it through the night. He still loves his ex wife, long story. He left and spent the night at the hospital and stared at her in a helpless coma.
Next day, I called him to see if she is still with us. She was, but my friend was pretty upset. (He and I had been talking about my NDE for the past year and a half) As we were talking he ask me what he should do. I spit and sputtered and said I don’t know, how should I know!! He raised his voice at me and said, Gary, I think you do know what to do.
That hit me like a ton of bricks, and stopped me in my tracks. I paused for only a second. I began to speak from my gut, and I had no idea what I was talking about. I said to my friend, Ok, she is in a coma, she’s not dead. At this point, I said, she is allowed to decide if she wants to go into the next world or return to this world.
I told him that she can hear you. Hold her hand and ask her if she wants to pass over or if she wants to return. I said, and make sure she responds and gives you an answer.
He told me later that he did that, and she did respond, and let him know she wants to return to this world. He did not tell me how she responded.
I told him, ok, she has to focus on this world, and you have to help her to focus on this world. I said, touch her knee and say this is your knee. Touch her nose and say this is your nose, etc.
A nurse came into the room and asked him if he was some kind of a faith healer or something.
Long story short, she came out of the coma, she’s home now, she’s on facebook and on the phone, talking and laughing with everyone. She has a long way to go to continue recovering but she’s alive and well and my friend thinks I walk on water. Everyone is happy 🙂
I am not trying to teach you WHAT to think, I am trying to show you how the ancients tought people HOW to think. Use your own common sense and try not to believe in unicorns. The answers are already inside you. If you follow or depend on anyone on earth for the answers, you are going to spend a lot of time getting more and more confused.
Did you enjoy reading this? Was this food for thought? Please leave a comment below and hopefully the author will reply.
NB: The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to,theunderdogtales.com or any of its bodies.
Jul 1, 2014 | Poetry tales, User Submitted Stories |
Skinny. Nerd. Wimp. You name an insult, I’ve probobly been called it. It doesn’t help your confidence when you have every reason to not be. But, as is in every man, the allure of love found me. So here I was, in fourth period math, thinking of (let’s call her) grace. She wasn’t the prettiest of women, but I didn’t care . We had been freinds for some time, she was smart, funny, and, as Matt ruff once wrote, “when you see through love’s eyes, anyone can be perfect.” and so, there I was, daydreaming of spending the rest of my life with her. But there’s another thing wrong wih me: I have social anxiety. I wake up in the morning super pumped, and I walk up to her ready to ask her to date me, and then I run away like a coward. So one day I told myself “no more” and I decided that “hey, in fith grade, I had a girlfriend for a week, how much harder can it be?” And I was right. And I walked straight up to her, and I asked her the question. I can’t quite remember what i said, because right after I went into a frenzy of excitement, and from then on, I never doubted myself again. So every morning, take a look in the mirror, and say “hey, i am a human being. I know what I want, and the only person out there who can get me what I want is me, so I’m GOING, to live this day, as best as I can” once even a sliver of confidence finds its way into your head, anything is possible.
Jan 1, 2014 | General, Lifes Curve Balls, User Submitted Stories |
Last night I hung out with and I had the longest and most meaningful discussions with my friend Joey. Honestly I have never talked until the sun came up in a really long time, which was really nice. I’ve only known him for a few months now and I’ve never connected with anyone so real and so passionate, and free spirited in a really long time, years maybe. Someone who thinks like me and wasn’t scared to open up about the deepest and most meaningful things in life. And I’m not one who opens up to just anyone but some how he just gets it. We talked about how people take life for granted and how life is way too short to not do the things you love with the people you love most. How education is so different, people worry about getting a good grade rather than actually learning. I talked about my life as a child, growing up, my life struggles, my father, school, art, losing myself, finding myself, losing myself again, friends that come and go, my first love, pets that I’ve lost, pretty much everything that I’ve ever been through for the past 21 years. How sometimes I can be both sad and happy and me not understanding how that’s even possible. I felt a little embarrassed saying that but when he said “no I get it, it makes total sense because I to feel and think like that”
I really was amazed and can honestly listen to him talk for hours. He mentioned how music is pretty much the most amazing thing created on this planet. How artists are geniuses to put a meaningful song together, with a beat, and touch the souls of thousands around the world. Which I can agree on. He opened up about his family how he drank, smoked, and did drugs to try and forget the awful things that he’s been through that I don’t even want to mention in this post. How he moved from SF LA Vegas New York to try and escape it but no matter where he went he still felt the same. Alone. How he’s tired of being betrayed by so many people that he loves, I can only sit and listen and admire everything because it’s true. People will hurt you. But it’s up to you to decide if they are worth fighting for. You can’t make someone love you, and sure as hell cannot make someone stay. If they want to leave, let them. Two people come to mind thinking about this which we talked about, my father, and a boy I onced loved. I can only forgive and wish the best for them and hope they truly find happiness. I told him how my father chose drugs over my mother and sisters and I, and how he just recently had another daughter with another woman so I basically have three sisters now. for me family is my number one. I told him how I don’t know where or who I’d be without my sisters. I love those girls to death. Literally. They are my everything and have given me strength I didn’t even know I had. How my mother and I never use to get along but now we understand each other through every thing.
We talked about how people are so caught up with the materialistic things, and how they don’t even notice the beautiful simplicity around them. How people are so caught up with technology and can’t help but be on their phones every minute. How at get togethers, dinners, etc everyone is just on their phones and cannot even hold a conversation with someone. How life is a constant update. I guess you can say its old fashioned but honestly I like it that way. It really opened my eyes because I was really caught up in this. I asked him if he had an instagram and he just replied with ” No, and I’ll never get one, or a snap thingy, Facebook, nothing. I hate all that shit.” Holds people back. ”
He mentioned how he’s even surprised he’s opening up to me about all these things and all his thoughts but I just said the same. How trust is something so rare now a days that it’s almost impossible to ever fully TRUST someone. But then again that goes back to being let down so many times. I just reminded him that there are good people out there, everyone’s afraid, and everyone just wants to be happy, successful and loved. I said people are so afraid of getting hurt they rather leave then actually face the problem and work through it. And that’s what we humans lack. People give up way too easily.
I told him we’re young, this is life, people come and go, it’s going to be hard at times and it sure as hell won’t be easy,
Nothing is going to be handed to you and if you want something you go and get it, there may be lots of no’s but there will be one yes. People need to love and just be kind to everyone around them because everyone is going through some kind of battle, every person I meet is beautiful in their own way. We are all human. Peace and love really saves on this earth. Just remember that you have the ones you love and the ones who love you”
He said “If you are happy you are successful”
There’s so much more that we talked about but it’s 12:36am and I have work early in the morning. So I’ll write more in my journal.
I just know I’ll never forget this night. Another beautiful human I’ll always remember.
Goodnight
DESTINY D.
Oct 10, 2013 | User Submitted Stories |
It was 1992,I was 22 years old. I had been house hunting and came across this ideal house in the ideal area.
The Landlord showed me around and I decided to go for it, that is where it all began.
Over the coming Months the Landlord would collect rent,do repairs etc but seemed a nice quiet shy kind of guy.
After about a year he started to hang around more and become friendly. I saw no harm but then one day he asked me out,I refused and did not see much more of him for quite some time.
Then 6 Months later he was hanging around again,asking me to dinner,again i said no as i was not interested in getting Involved with a Muslim Man let alone my Landlord. He never gave up and after 3 Years i eventually agreed, that was that in a nutshell.
We started to see each other more and more and he was just hooked and madly in love (I thought). He was around every night,sometimes meeting me at work just for a cuddle,it seemed so sweet.
After 18 Months we decided to get a House together. We moved in and it was just perfect. 3 Months later I discovered I was Pregnant and we were overjoyed. His Parents decided to come and see me for the first time and insisted I convert to Islam for me and my daughter to be accepted. I felt sad but the pressure was on me and I decided to do it. It was not a big deal and I was now a Muslim. My baby was born and the family gathered round giving me all these orders about special baths for me and baby to make us pure and clean,I was so confused. I followed all their instructions etc as my Partner was telling me it was all for the best.
9 Months later we did a Nikkah,which is an Islamic Wedding in his friends House. It was not a special day by any means. I had no Family there or friends,just strangers and witnesses. It was all over quickly but I was now a Muslim Wife. No pictures,no Honeymoon,no memories,probably best way thinking about it now.
To cut this long story very short I went on to have 3 more Children as he was desperate for a Son. I never had a Boy just 4 perfect beautiful girls. As the girls were growing up his parents, sister were always commenting on how they should dress,eat with their right hand go to Mosque every day after School. Urdu School Saturdays and Sundays,where was my Children’s life? I became quite sad but plodded on to keep the peace but no matter what I did it was never enough for him or his family,always finding fault,always treating us different.
He started to treat me terrible and was always putting me down,never letting me out,casting up bills,telling me I was fat and controlling my whole life. It was like he hated me inside and it was a lot to do with his mother as she was just a Witch and at every chance was always trying to lure him to Pakistan and whenever he would go she would have a line of girls for him to marry. He never went through with it but I still had to be nice to this Woman,like hell I would. I soon realised I was being taken for a mug and they never noticed how much I had changed my life for them.
It was time for me to be me again. I pulled my children out of Mosque,Urdu Schools,made sure they dressed how they wanted to dress,made sure they still had Christmas, Big birthdays,Santa etc which his mother hated, kept my distance from his Family which then caused more problems for us as its very important you stay close to the man’s family as they are very family orientated. I stopped cooking Asian Food and having them all over for dinner,this hurt my Husband but did I care?
No! When his Family left me and my girls out of parties etc he would still go,when they treated me bad he would say “It is your fault“. They would manipulate him in such ways you would not believe as they wanted me gone and he believed every word they said. It was awful but I stood up to them and made sure my kids led a normal happy life.
After 15 Years I saved up some Money as he always controlled me financially and barely gave me enough to live on,baring in mind he was a Property tycoon worth Millions, I had nothing. He grudged every penny he spent on me and my girls but liked the best for himself. I just had enough and while he was away on business I took sofa ,beds from our home and moved to a Rented house. He was in deep shock when he got back and hated me for doing this.
After few Months he would apologise and ask me to come home but I just could never go back to that miserable unhappy sad life. Nothing is worth going through what I went through all because of Love, Religion and culture. 4 years on and he has just finally left me alone as he has realised I will never go back. He has now Married an Asian girl and I hope this means he will let me move on but I am not banking on it,will just have to see what happens!
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Sep 27, 2013 | Poetry tales, User Submitted Stories |
Stare out the window on a musky gray evening, as clouds creep across the sky,
and see our children swigging from half empty bottles of Buckfast,
In the bonny land of Glasgow City.
Blink, for a moment, and open your eyes,
and see our children pull a knife,
In the bonny land of Glasgow City.
Wander the streets as you wade hopelessly, determinedly through troves of trash,
as our children yowl from backstreet alleys,
In the bonny land of Glasgow city.
Watch the sun peek for a moment before turning away,
as it glimpses the downfall of our bonny land,
Glasgow City.
Come New Year, and we join our hands,
“Auld Lang Syne” we chant, as we blow on our numbing hands,
for another year of repetition and turmoil,
that is the bonny land of Glasgow City.
Sep 26, 2013 | Love lessons, User Submitted Stories |
I don’t know if I am a decent writer, but what I know, is that I am not a native English speaker so, please, show some tolerance.
I was about to write for my sexual experiences in Edinburgh as Master student from an exotic foreign and dying country, Greece. But I believe that the writer of ‘’Sex and the City’’ have already done that. And probably they were native American speakers. Anyway, I will share my story with you. I left from Greece to come here and be a neurobiologist. I thought that a master degree from the famous University of Edinburgh would be my passport to amazing research. I wanted to study at University of Edinburgh because of its outstanding educational system, focus on gathering relevant work experience, and your excellent facilities. Moreover, University of Edinburgh is considered worldwide as a center of excellence so it would be an amazing opportunity for me to be part of it. With many distinguished scientists as professors, I knew that I would gain expert knowledge at the forefront of discovery. That’s part of the personal statement I send to (the 100) applications. I hope I will not be charged with plagiarism myself.
As you can see I find it hard to find a PhD or a job relevant to my qualifications and I was really unlucky with my interviews. You see, I am the best second listed candidate ever… How amazing is that from a scale between 0 and 10..? ZERO.. It’s the worst thing in the entire universe. Studying for an interview for hours, for days, go to the interview, rock it and then receive a an email that you have been listed second even if you have been interviewed excellently. . How is the first? What did he/she do better? How can you compete God himself? You can not.. That’s why I start applying for irrelevant jobs. And by that I mean whatever jobs.. I even thought that it would be a good idea to be a personal trainer..
But as I wrote, this story is not about my blurry future academic career, but for my sexual life. I think that this subject is more catchy and hopefully I will win the price without copy paste form ‘’Sex and the City’’ or ‘’Fifty Shades of Grey‘’. I cannot compete ‘’God’’ at interviews and I can definitely not compete these girls in these books. So let’s start with my story.
I have curls, you know these massive hairs come out of your head, and I have to shower and brush them every single day if I don’t want to have dreadlocks by the end of the month. Here in UK girls have straight hair so the first thing that a boy notices on me, except my huge but, is my hair. And then of course my beautiful smile, my gorgeous eyes and my deep personality. If we ever get to the point that we actually meet each other and exchange a couple of words. You see I am single the last six years and when I was 18 years old, I made a huge commitment to myself nit to get heart by anyone. Because I cannot stand dramatic situations and I have seen my girlfriends crying and losing weight (which is not that bad especially when you have a huge but) and hairs (which is horrible when you have curls and 90% of the boys especially in U.K are attracted by that figure). So after I made the decision about my future studies, I decided to have fun and be happy. Please, do not think at any point, that I am still a desperate virgin, and the fact that I will write my actual number is irrelevant, or that I got hurt by anyone. My one and only ex-boyfriend was an amazing person that loved my and treated me like a princess, he spoiled me to be honest and he put my standards about relationships very high. For six years, I was having fun (sex is the right word, but I am not sure if saying that is politically correct especially if this will be published). No commitments, no pressure, no tissues on the floor, zero loss of weight and hair.
Then I came to Edinburgh. By the time I touched this land I felt amazing. I had the feeling that I belong here and that this is the place I should be. Fountains of positive emotions and promises of a better future deluge me. Feeling like under the influence of pills, I thought that this is the right place to fall in love, to feel love, to feel that you miss someone and that you want to see him again even if you are apart for 5 minutes, to hold someone’s hand while raining, to hug someone while walking at the Meadows etc. etc. Having all this in mind I first date during summer. Well during July, because for a Greek this is not proper summer, no offence to the brilliant Edinburgh. It’s not that I did not meet anyone before that; it’s just that it did not happen. I think mainly because I was not spending time with any of the guys I met before Z. I like that. It’s mysterious and I it is not the usual X. Because this guy, Z, is far from usual.
So I dated for the first time in my life before a couple of months. It was the very first time that I went out with a guy (not a friend, not a gay guy, not a friend’s recommendation guy) for a drink and then I went home alone having this unspecified feeling which can be more easily described by questions like: Is he going to call me? Should I call him? Maybe I should have kissed him? And all these questions were troubling me because this Z guy did not try to kiss me, or to take me home for ‘’tea’’ or a ‘’movie’’ or whatever. Then we went out for another drink following the exact same pattern: having fun, nice and interesting conversation, flirting a little bit, goodnight and sleep tight. ALONE. I was so confused. That whole procedure was far away from my comfortable zone which involves kissing, sex and then ‘’I have to wake up early tomorrow so could you please leave?’’
The third time we went out, we kissed. Explosions, fireworks, Katy Perry singing the song in my head. This is how I can explain the feeling. I thought this is love. I finally, found love in Edinburgh. God or whoever has this authority, bless this city. Well I saw this guy once or twice more. It is not that we did something wrong it is that it did not work that way I had in mind. So basically he was not the love of my life. But what does that mean? Why we have to find the one and only love of our lives? Especially when we have our lives in front of us. I mean the average age of death is 75 and it increases. Right? I felt amazing for 2 hours, I had butterflies in my stomach (disgusting), my knees were trembling my head was heavy. For these two hours I will always be in love with Z. He was my one and only love for 2 weeks. Now I am not seeing anyone but I am trying to replace this feeling with other extracurricular activities like going out with friends, have fun with them and as cliché as it may sound with small daily miracles (cliché and melodramatic, I could not write something worse than that). What I am trying to say is that we do not need a guy to fill gaps. We have to try to fill these gaps ourselves and then, when we will be 100% sure about what we want a guy will be the extra flavour to an amazing life. And then butterflies and dither will be part of life.
Sep 18, 2013 | General, Motivational Tales, Poetry tales, User Submitted Stories |
“No One else will ever know the strength of my love for you.. After all you are the only one that knows what my heart sounds like from the inside”
“Always remember, You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think” ― A.A. Milne
“Life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a mother”
My mother brought me up as a single Parent, she has always worked full time, and I never remember going a full day, without seeing her. She never complained when I cried for no reason or when i broke her “favorite ornament” .
My mum always gave me the very best that she could, and without her i wouldn’t be the person who i am today, dont get me wrong we never always got on, we had our moments like every other parent and child, but no matter what happens i know that its just a matter of lifting the phone and dialing her number, she will help me in which ever way she can.
Thanks to my mum i now know how to cope with being a single mummy, she is my inspiration.
I sit back and think how hard my mum had it when it really was just me and her, we had some tough times, but mum always got us out of them with her head held high.
This is a thank you to all mums not just mine who care for their children, unconditionally love them, and will do the very best for them.
I hope my children see me even half as good of a mum than what i think of mine, after all i learnt from the best.
“A mother holds her child’s hand for a short while, But their hearts forever”
“Children must be taught , how to think, not what too think”- Margaret Mead
Sep 17, 2013 | Lifes Curve Balls, User Submitted Stories |
To The Man I Called Daddy.
You where always there for me from when I was 2 years old, Why did you go? Why did you leave without an explanation? You where the one i looked up to even when you and mum split up. It takes any man too be a father, but a real man to become a daddy, that’s what you told me when you split up with mum. I hated your “new family” even though you never left me out even when your own children where born?
The night you rang me, telling me that you loved me and are always there, i remember thinking you had went nuts, it was so random. If only i knew that it was your way of saying goodbye i would never have hung up. The next day when i was watching tv and mum called me upstaires, she was sitting on the bed her eyes red, her face stained with tears, i knew something was wrong but nothing could have prepared me for what she was about to tell me.
“He’s gone, he was found by hospital staff, i’m sorry he’s dead,”
I couldnt understand it, collapsing to the floor tears filling my eyes, i was 11 how could you do it? you told me you would always be there. the next couple of days where the worst, finding out that you took your own life still haunts me. Whay wouldn’t you talk to someone, you obviously didnt realise how much people loved you, how much people caredfor you.
Mum tryed to act strong for my sake, but i know that it broke her heart that you where gone.The night before your funeral i sat looking through my pictures of “our family” laughed about the things you said and did to cheer me up. Cried that i’ll have no more new memories, getting up to go to Your funeral, i could hardly speak, i felt like i would choke on my tears if i tryed talking. i wanted to be strong, no more tears you would say when i was younger if i had hurt myself, i wanted to be a “big girl”
My theory never worked..
Mum thought it would be best if i didnt go in before your coffin lid was closed, i hated her for not letting me say a proper goodbye,wasnt until i got older i understood that she was protecting me.
Im glad i can remember you , as the way you where, the happy, funny, man that you where.
As your coffin was carried to the grave i held onto mums hand, afraid to let go. I hope now you know how much you effected people when you where alive, no one has ever or could ever say something bad, there really wasnt a bad bone in your body.
Im thankful for the years that i had you in my life, and i will never forget you, or your words of wisdom.
You helped make me who i am today and im eternally greatful.
“in the arms of an angel now, spread your wings and keep us safe”
forever in my heart, forever in my memory
Sep 17, 2013 | General, Inspirational Tales, Lifes Curve Balls, User Submitted Stories |
Don’ Judge My Path If You Haven’t Walked My Journey.
Have you ever thought that everyone in the world is against you? Ever thought that people stop too condemn you?
Being a young mum (19) with two small children (2 year old, 1 year old), I have had all the comments you can think of.. Don’t get me wrong not everyone has said bad things but there is a bunch of very small minded people who think that i’m a “typical young mum.” I love my children unconditionally, I give them the best I can, And they never go without things that they need. They are my everything. One day out grocery shopping, my oldest was in the trolley eating a bag of crisps, as we where walking round a woman stopped at me and tutted telling me that crisps is not a good choice for my child to be eating, then she started asking my age, telling her, she then turned to me then my son and with a spiteful look said, “children can’t bring up children,”I was gob smacked that a stranger could say something like that. I don’t think that I’m the worlds best, most perfect mother, in act i’m probably far from it, but i am a good mother, who would do anything for my children to make sure they are safe and happy. I just hope that someday them small minded people actually grow up and realise that just because I am young I am still very Mature, And that I can bring my children up, to be the very best that they can be. No matter what they do I’ll always be behind them 100%.
I’m trying to make a life for me and my children, I am currently looking into going back to school, my son will be starting nursery next year, I have my own house and will be starting part time work soon as well, I do not go out unless my children are with me and if I do they are left with a family member. so what am I doing wrong?
I’m hoping reading this that people realize no matter what you do someone will always try to put you down, but don’t let them!!
“worrying does not empty tomorrow of it’s troubles, It empties today of its strength.”…..Corrie Ten Boom
Sep 17, 2013 | Lifes Curve Balls, User Submitted Stories |
“You are pregnant,” The words I heard and couldn’t believe at 18.
I couldn’t believe it, I was 18 and going to have my second baby. What would everyone say? How would i cope?
my head was full of emotions, Going home looking at my Calvin, my first baby, I got my head round the idea that
in 8 month’s I’ll be having another..
My first scan was great at 11 weeks 4days gone, no sickness no nothing I felt brillant. As time past and my bump grew all our family knew that there was going to be a new addition to the family, I couldn’t have been happier. Thinking back I wondered why I was so worried at the start.
At week 16 my Back had got really sore, migraines, was being sick and tired constantly, the doctors had put it down to being pregnant and with my first child just being run down a bit, giving me iron tablets, I went home. Something to me still didn’t seem right.
Having my next scan to look forward to i put it to the back of my head. Two days later I was at my midwife. asking how I was, I explained how I was feeling, asking if she could take a few swab tests and urine sample I thought it was just procedure. Then she hit me with the most shocking thought that could have ran through my head. Group B Streptococcus or “Strep B” is a more common name for it.
I had never heard of it so she told me not to worry and read through a few pages of information, Going home ringing my mum and granny explaining to them. They had never heard of it either, so I just carried on, taking things easier.
Then it was finally time for my “big” scan. I was so excited, my mum and partner came with me, as we sat round looking at my baby bouncing about sucking its thumb. Then, “Would you like to no what your having?” looking at my mum and partner sitting at the end of their seats I knew that we all couldnt wait, “A very healthy Baby Girl,” I was so happy My first baby was a boy, we’ll have a “gentleman’s family.”
The minute I got home all other thoughts went out of my head, all I could think of was names. At the end of that week I had 2 names picked. My phone rang, “Hello, its Charleen would you be able to come into the surgery, your results have came back, getting Calvin babysat I went up, my partner was at work, so I just went myself, nothing to worry about, the sonographer said a healthy Baby Girl after all.
As I walked into the midwife’s room she brought me down to a room at the end of the hall, walking in my heart sank, ” Hello, I’m a Doctor from Royal Hospital, please take a seat.” “your results have came back, You have Strep B and, we want you to go for a scan”. I explained that I had my scan at the hospital at the start of the week, everything was okay. “For the results that we need you need more of an advanced scan, we can do it now, or you can travel over, and get someone to go with you.”
Knowing that nothing was wrong I got it done there.”Im afraid you have advanced Strep B, in this case 1 in 32,000 people get this, it has been passed on to your unborn baby.”Asking what that meant, and what I had to do I stared to panic. They gave me strong antibiotics to take to try flush it out of my system and had to go back three days later.”please don’t panic about this, your baby needs you to stay relaxed.”
That night I sat and cried, then I decided on a name, “Chloe” meaning, A strong little flower. Going back to the doctors, they explained the antibiotics didn’t work, my other options where limited, “Carry on with your pregnancy and get antibiotic injections every week, but there will be a strong possibility that your baby will be seriously disabled and a lifetime of health problems, also it will be very dangerous for you to have a natural labour, What we suggest is you having a late abortion and although this will be very hard, we think it will be the safest choice for you.”
At that moment my world fell apart I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, then “kick” my baby was trying to tell me something at that time, “I’m carrying on with this pregnancy, Whatever way my baby is i’ll love and care for her as much as I can.
And that was that, I carried on with the injections, praying that my baby will prove them all wrong I took things as easy as I could.
1st June came round and going out to my mums house to leave anniversary cards to my aunty and uncle for the next day I still had over a month to go.
The sun was shinning, at my aunts I was walking about, couldn’t sit still. Later that evening mum asking was I okay, I told her I had cramps. drinking hot water, and lying down, they wouldn’t budge. Going home later, I got in and packed my hospital back, just in case I remember thinking. 6 o’clock in the morning, I woke my partner and told him to ring his mum and get her to mind Calvin, we had to go to the hospital, the baby was on her way.
In the car the contractions where getting stronger. I could hardly walk to get in. straight down to delivery, the baby’s crowned.
Looking at the clock it was 6:16 am on the 2nd of June, getting into delivery I thought back to my first labour. 38hours 43minutes, not this time though 6:30 am I was holding my Healthy Baby Girl. 6lb 13.5oz at a month early she was as healthy as any other baby.
I remember looking at her, “We did it baby, we proved them wrong, she was brought for tests and everything came back fine.
Chloe is now 15months, has been walking for a month and doing what all other baby’s her age should be.
She will always be “Mummy’s little strong flower,”
Sep 13, 2013 | Inspirational Tales, User Submitted Stories |
Picture a child of three, healthy, full of energy, smiling. Beautiful. Now take away the energy, take away the chubby exterior, see the Energy drain the energy, go ahead and drain the colour from her skin. Now the smile, it’s hard to picture when everyone around the child cries, or shouts in frustration. Doctors say there’s nothing wrong, the mother must be crazy right?
Imagine Christmas Eve, a happy child gets washed and dressed so quickly eager to get to bed, excitement fills the air, Santa is coming! Now take away the happiness, exclude the excitement. Replace the bed with a hospital cot, beeping machines and drips. The child is dying.
Undiagnosed diabetes, the blood is sticky with blood, acidic with ketones and organs are failing. Dr Carson his rounds dressed as Santa, to spread some cheer other night, delivering twin baby dolls to the dying child, a happy memory to leave with.
Amazingly death does not become her. The child lives and leaves hospital weeks later with two new babies.
Let’s skip ahead a few years. The child becomes a young teenager, attends a grammar school, is doing well. Duke of Edinburgh’s award comes along, she eagerly applies, keeping records of community services, extra curricular activities and a sport, on top of the map work and weekends camping with friends, sounds good, right? Now add the show an tell to leaders the girl has to do to teach them what to do in a diabetic emergency, add the extra weight of insulins and hypoglycemic kits to the already heavy rucksack. All part of the experience!
The weekend doesn’t start well with a broken down bus and late arrival to the start point, the heavy rain and blowing gales make it all the better. All the girls trudged in the dark for hours, 1.30am arrived before they made it to the camp site, but no rest for he wicked, tents have to be erected.
Birds chirp, sun slithers into the tents, waking the girls from slumber, only this girl realises herself and two companions perched at the edge of a cliff. The darkness of the night before had concealed why could have been a fatal fall.
no time to dwell, miles of walking lies ahead! At first our girl keeps up, walks with her group and even did her share of map reading and leading. The energy starts to deplete, the headache kicks in and you don’t even want to know how badly she wanted to vomit, frequently! ‘Just keep going we are half way there’ the older man dubbed as leader repeated more than once.
The camp site was a welcome site indeed, trangias popped up all over to cook up some delightful boil in the bag or pack of noodles. Our girl wasn’t hungry, she crawled into her sleeping bag and slept. Not even the violent shaking if the tent from her companions awoke her the next day, ‘girl problems’ was the diagnosis, ball everyone agreed she could board the bus and skip the remaining days walk!
Back at the school, she slumps in a corner, forced to wash trangias before fleeing to the arms of her mother, an straight to an A+E. Have you ever seen on T.V how the lights blur past and faces swim in front of the acting patient’s face, that really happens!
‘We need a drip now’
‘her heart rate is dangerously fast’
Sharp pain explodes across her back and the scene from the exorcist unfolds, then nothing.
Kidneys shut down, respiratory system needed assistance and the heart almost gave up. Amazingly death does not become her. Pneumonia can be fatal.
Let’s jump forward again, past the usual school business of new friends, new loves and stressful exams. Picture our girl now 16, cramps aren’t uncommon at this stage, but hers won’t go away. So what happens when the pain suddenly becomes sharp and a little more tithe right? Hospital.
Sitting in a bed, the doctors don’t believe her, but she has a pain, so let’s keep her in overnight, just to be sure, right? So what happens when the skin starts to turn grey? Is that still normal? Blood tests suggest it isn’t really, poison? From where? Remember the right abdominal pain? Bingo!
‘This is ICU madam we only allow two members of family in at one time to see patients’
Apparently an appendix can be fatal, amazingly death does not become her.
With life experience like this, what future does this girl have? One in nursing of course, give something back, afterall empathy is needed in such a career!
Year three into her degree, the headaches come. It’s not an easy degree, ward placements on top of university work and exams, anyone would suffer a headache or two, right? So what so you do when it doesn’t go away? What so you do when you can’t write in a straight line? Back to A+E of course. Only this time our girl leaves the hospital with two pain killers and no chance of a ‘just in case overnight stay’.
Give it a few days, rest up, relax, it will go away, right? Wrong! The only thing disappearing for her was her sight. Slowly, but surely. The GP suggests an urgent appointment with an Opthamologist, he suggests an over night stay with a brain CT scan to investigate further. Imagine the fear when one CT scan isn’t enough. Two CT scans and an MRI later, everyone is still being quiet, but you know that look? That sympathetic look when someone knows something and you don’t? Everyone had it. Finally a doctor appears, why the huddle of other doctors and nurses? Apparently they are a specialised team, to devastate a life with the diagnosis of a stroke.
A torn artery to the neck can be fatal, luckily a clot formed, too bad it broke free and settled in two parts of the brain. Amazingly death did not become her.
This girl, the one you have imagined time and time again in different scenarios, well she is real. She lives on today with a nursing degree, a child and a fiancé, in the hopes that death continues to overlook her, to let her live a full and happy life with her family. Not to forget the two dolls, who can now legally drink in any country!
Sep 11, 2013 | Relationships, User Submitted Stories |
I can feel my hands shaking a bit as I sit down and write this. I can’t tell if it’s from fear, love… Or if I’m just casually about to have a nervous break down. Never the less, stay with me here.
I’m not to sure when reading this how many of you can relate to it but it’s something that is so close to my heart that these words are easy for me. It feels like the pen is just gliding over the paper. My hand seems to have no control.
Where do I even start!
I think most of us have that one person in our life that no matter how many days or years pass they will always stay at the front -line of our hearts, floating around with a huge stick waiting to harass and deny entry to any passers-by. You Love, you lose.. You don’t move on. Typical woman.
I could sit here forever and talk about the many characteristics he has that I adore, or about how each one draws you into him. I could tell you about his heart and how sometimes I swear I could feel it holding me. But I will most defiantly start hysterically crying.
Anyway. All you really need to know to understand my story is that I loved him. He was not only my boyfriend but my best friend. Someone I had and still have unconditional love for. The guy that gave me that beautiful sick feeling in the pitt of my stomach. The guy I found myself completely infatuated with. William. ❤
I’ll take you back to a distant summer were a group of 4 decided to start making memories together. Me and William, my best friend and Williams best friend. They made up couple number two. May I add they are still together and will be getting married this year. Let’s all aw at once. Or let’s not cause happy people are shit let’s face it :/
We all pretty much from day one insisted on spending every second of every day, morning, afternoon and evening together. Just creating memories..
Let’s cut the crap and fast forward one year – everything is still perfect. Must have been about 6pm. At home prancing around like a spring chicken waiting for the boyfriend to arrive.
So 7 o clock came, but he didn’t ..
And then 8 o clock creeped up, but he didn’t… 9 o clock came and still no sign. No call. Nothing.
So you can imagine at this point I’ve got my CSI face on and I’m ready to start interrogating him until either one of us starts crying. Dibs on me. I cry over anything. I’m pathetic like that. So I start tapping away with my obese little fingers in some sort of hysterical rage mode. Seeing not much else but red at this point.
‘077……….’
“the mobile phone you have called is currently switched off please try again later..”
Right. So…. He’s ditched me?
Cool
Ready to lose the plot any second really. Hands are sweating, my hearts racing I hate the unknown. I’m now just thinking the absolute worst. Or so I thought.. I had no idea my whole world was about to be flipped upside down..
I’m not one to chase, I’ll leave you to your own devices until your ready to come at me. Although saying that.. I did stalk his mobile for a good couple of hours until I gave up and fell asleep on my own dribble n tears. I woke up in the morning and obviously he was the 1st thing to mind. But no miss calls.. No text messages. Nothing. Nada. Not a sausage.
At this point my hearts sunk to the bottom of my stomach and I can feel it starting to wretch. Before I’ve had the chance to do anything I’ve got the wife calling. Perfect. I can vent n find out where this idiot was last night. So unlike him.
“Hello babe, please tell me you have spoken to wiggle…?”
She kinda went a bit silent for a few seconds and then proceeded to change my life as I knew it. All I can really remember is putting my head into my hands and dropping to the floor.
…”He’s dead Sara.
He had a car accident on the way to you last night and he died.”
……… I can’t really explain the feeling I felt, it’s like no other emotion I’ve ever come across before. I just went numb. I couldn’t feel my hands. I couldn’t feel myself breathing. I was ready to die. No doubt in my mind. I wanted to die. I didn’t care how, I just needed to see his face again. Just no words to explain the pain that ran through my heart. I felt like I was crying blood. And every tear that dropped took apart of my soul with it.
I spent every night screaming in the dark. Not wanting to leave my bedroom floor. I couldn’t and didn’t want to feel any comfort. Because it wasn’t possible. There was nothing, absolutely nothing that could have eased my pain. Nothing. I know longer had any concept of what comfort was. I just turned cold. The feeling of emptiness is indescribable. It’s so overwhelming that you have no choice but to let it take over the whole of your mind, body and what’s left of your soul. Grief stops clocks, it stops every aspect of your life and you just no in your heart that life will never be the same again.
What is left?
What do I live for?
Being touched by death transforms your life, sobers your mind and changes your life forever. You never ever stop grieving. Ever. This happened in 2006 and to this DAY my heart has never found a way to fully heal and everyday I am still reminded of him. Everyday.
The funeral was to overwhelming and I couldn’t bring my self to attend the burial. My last thoughts of him, 6 feet under.. I couldn’t do it. I never wanted that thought to be mixed up in all the memories I hold 🙁
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition..and unspeakable love.
Sep 9, 2013 | Relationships, User Submitted Stories |
I don’t know if I am a decent writer, but what I know, is that I am not a native English speaker so, please, show some tolerance.
I was about to write for my sexual experiences in Edinburgh as Master student from an exotic foreign and dying country, Greece. But I believe that the writer of ‘’Sex and the City’’ have already done that. And probably they were native American speakers. Anyway, I will share my story with you. I left from Greece to come here and be a neurobiologist. I thought that a master degree from the famous University of Edinburgh would be my passport to amazing research. I wanted to study at University of Edinburgh because of its outstanding educational system, focus on gathering relevant work experience, and your excellent facilities. Moreover, University of Edinburgh is considered worldwide as a center of excellence so it would be an amazing opportunity for me to be part of it. With many distinguished scientists as professors, I knew that I would gain expert knowledge at the forefront of discovery. That’s part of the personal statement I send to (the 100) applications. I hope I will not be charged with plagiarism myself.
As you can see I find it hard to find a PhD or a job relevant to my qualifications and I was really unlucky with my interviews. You see, I am the best second listed candidate ever… How amazing is that from a scale between 0 and 10..? ZERO.. It’s the worst thing in the entire universe. Studying for an interview for hours, for days, go to the interview, rock it and then receive a an email that you have been listed second even if you have been interviewed excellently. . How is the first? What did he/she do better? How can you compete God himself? You can not.. That’s why I start applying for irrelevant jobs. And by that I mean whatever jobs.. I even thought that it would be a good idea to be a personal trainer..
But as I wrote, this story is not about my blurry future academic career, but for my sexual life. I think that this subject is more catchy and hopefully I will win the price without copy paste form ‘’Sex and the City’’ or ‘’Fifty Shades of Grey‘’. I cannot compete ‘’God’’ at interviews and I can definitely not compete these girls in these books. So let’s start with my story.
I have curls, you know these massive hairs come out of your head, and I have to shower and brush them every single day if I don’t want to have dreadlocks by the end of the month. Here in UK girls have straight hair so the first thing that a boy notices on me, except my huge but, is my hair. And then of course my beautiful smile, my gorgeous eyes and my deep personality. If we ever get to the point that we actually meet each other and exchange a couple of words. You see I am single the last six years and when I was 18 years old, I made a huge commitment to myself nit to get heart by anyone. Because I cannot stand dramatic situations and I have seen my girlfriends crying and losing weight (which is not that bad especially when you have a huge but) and hairs (which is horrible when you have curls and 90% of the boys especially in U.K are attracted by that figure). So after I made the decision about my future studies, I decided to have fun and be happy. Please, do not think at any point, that I am still a desperate virgin, and the fact that I will write my actual number is irrelevant, or that I got hurt by anyone. My one and only ex-boyfriend was an amazing person that loved my and treated me like a princess, he spoiled me to be honest and he put my standards about relationships very high. For six years, I was having fun (sex is the right word, but I am not sure if saying that is politically correct especially if this will be published). No commitments, no pressure, no tissues on the floor, zero loss of weight and hair.
Then I came to Edinburgh. By the time I touched this land I felt amazing. I had the feeling that I belong here and that this is the place I should be. Fountains of positive emotions and promises of a better future deluge me. Feeling like under the influence of pills, I thought that this is the right place to fall in love, to feel love, to feel that you miss someone and that you want to see him again even if you are apart for 5 minutes, to hold someone’s hand while raining, to hug someone while walking at the Meadows etc. etc. Having all this in mind I first date during summer. Well during July, because for a Greek this is not proper summer, no offence to the brilliant Edinburgh. It’s not that I did not meet anyone before that; it’s just that it did not happen. I think mainly because I was not spending time with any of the guys I met before Z. I like that. It’s mysterious and I it is not the usual X. Because this guy, Z, is far from usual.
So I dated for the first time in my life before a couple of months. It was the very first time that I went out with a guy (not a friend, not a gay guy, not a friend’s recommendation guy) for a drink and then I went home alone having this unspecified feeling which can be more easily described by questions like: Is he going to call me? Should I call him? Maybe I should have kissed him? And all these questions were troubling me because this Z guy did not try to kiss me, or to take me home for ‘’tea’’ or a ‘’movie’’ or whatever. Then we went out for another drink following the exact same pattern: having fun, nice and interesting conversation, flirting a little bit, goodnight and sleep tight. ALONE. I was so confused. That whole procedure was far away from my comfortable zone which involves kissing, sex and then ‘’I have to wake up early tomorrow so could you please leave?’’
The third time we went out, we kissed. Explosions, fireworks, Katy Perry singing the song in my head. This is how I can explain the feeling. I thought this is love. I finally, found love in Edinburgh. God or whoever has this authority, bless this city. Well I saw this guy once or twice more. It is not that we did something wrong it is that it did not work that way I had in mind. So basically he was not the love of my life. But what does that mean? Why we have to find the one and only love of our lives? Especially when we have our lives in front of us. I mean the average age of death is 75 and it increases. Right? I felt amazing for 2 hours, I had butterflies in my stomach (disgusting), my knees were trembling my head was heavy. For these two hours I will always be in love with Z. He was my one and only love for 2 weeks. Now I am not seeing anyone but I am trying to replace this feeling with other extracurricular activities like going out with friends, have fun with them and as cliché as it may sound with small daily miracles (cliché and melodramatic, I could not write something worse than that). What I am trying to say is that we do not need a guy to fill gaps. We have to try to fill these gaps ourselves and then, when we will be 100% sure about what we want a guy will be the extra flavour to an amazing life. And then butterflies and dither will be part of life.
Aug 26, 2013 | Inspirational Tales, User Submitted Stories |
I know what you’re thinking, right off the bat; how can there be any ‘Best’ things about being Homeless. I also know you’re probably curious as to where a homeless guy is writing about being homeless from exactly? Do they have free iPads’ and Wi-Fi attached to park benches now?
No. No, they don’t. If they did they would be covered in vomit, dog shit, some Super Strength Lager cans, and that’s if they hadn’t already been sold to buy said lager. But I digress.
Fortunately I have climbed out of that dog shit and vomit flavoured cocktail of park benches and clambered into a shelter. I thank my stars every day as it was the single worst period of my life. I’ve been a lucky man for most of the rest of it, having had nice houses, cars, high powered jobs, and most importantly of all – a beautiful girlfriend and precious daughter.
Sadly, I succumbed to the oldest cliché of all and became a functioning alcoholic, on the way to then becoming a completely non-functioning and very ill homeless man.
5 Worst Things about being Homeless
The Fear
Oh God, the fear!
It’s probably not surprising to imagine how being homeless would be a ‘bit scary’ to anyone aside from perhaps those that had done a few tours of Afghanistan or something, but being ordered to leave the comfort of your old home with nothing more than a hastily packed bag of essentials is downright terrifying. ‘Drunk’ is also not a great time to rely upon yourself to pack ‘essentials’ either btw.
Where do you even begin?
The thought of walking up to the nearest fellow vagrant and saying “Sup bro, wanna hang?” is akin to the thought of walking up to a Tiger, kicking it in the balls and calling his mother a dirty great big stripy slut.
So you decide to go it alone and ‘see how it goes’. The idea of stepping into the night with no clue as to how you ‘be successfully homeless’ makes you whimper and shake like a newborn puppy cast into a snowdrift.
However, this initial trepidation pales next to the first night, after deciding upon a bush under which to park yourself, every rustle or noise or sight of another human approaching fills your pants with the same kind of shit as you’re probably sleeping on a makeshift bed of at that very moment.
Up until this point in life I had somewhat prided myself on being ‘a bit handy’ and wouldn’t back down from a fight with all but the toughest of tough guys (OK, up until High School. I never said I was Mike Tyson, alright?!). It became apparent that within any second of that entire night, I’d have squealed away from a squirrel if I thought it had even the merest of a ‘wild glint’ in its eyes.
The Elements
As a person ‘with home’, you know that if you get caught up in your average downpour, frosty night, or blowy day, you are safe in the knowledge that you can dry off, warm up, etc the second you step back inside your front door.
When you’re literally braving the elements it doesn’t matter if the weather is ‘dickish’, mild, or even pleasant; you are always one (or a combination thereof), too hot, too cold, too wet, too dry, too flustered.
Sure, some of these are easier than others to cope with, but you’re never really comfortable and are all too aware that it can (and probably will) get worse. Think of it as Mother Nature’s punishment for you soiling her trees and hedgerows day and night. I’d never known what it was like to be truly frozen to the core, appreciate what it’s like to live in the Sahara, or feel as if your skin in its entirety has actually gotten trench foot.
What’s more, when you get kicked off the porch by whomever is donning the ‘shit-kickers’, clutching just a small bag of belongings (and I was one of the lucky ones) you don’t exactly have the correct seasonal wardrobe of raincoat, a light jacket, perhaps some darling waterproof woolly gloves, the right blend of hat options for snow and sun glare, and so forth.
In all fairness, you wouldn’t want to have to lug it about anyway and would desperately try and stow it in a bush and hope you remember where you left it, and or that it didn’t get stolen by a fellow bush-pisser.
That’s why you tend to see homeless people wearing a thick coat, hat, jacket, and boots whether it be baking hot or pissing it down. And it truly feels as bad as it smells, I assure you.
The Isolation
Like most of us on this site, I am a regular technology user, be it Smartphone, internet, social networking, etc. I also similarly rely on the ability to contact anyone/anytime. Oh, and damn if I am feeling really adventurous I even communicate with family, friends, and colleagues – in person!
Homeless people don’t often choose to spend their money on mobile phone top-ups, but I was actually different. Sadly, one night someone managed to wrestle the phone out of my weak, sleep deprived hands, and so I was left with no means of talking to anyone, finding out about the outside World, or keeping in touch with my ‘old life’.
I’ve never been much of a crier and enjoyed my own company, but for the first week I cried a lot. I was so gut-wrenchingly lonely and just wanted to see my daughter smile for Daddy, to have my girlfriend tell me everything would be alright, to hear my Mum tell me she loved me, to make my boss proud – just one last time.
Now through a series of events stemming from my drinking, lying about drinking, or being too stubborn to seek the help to stop drinking, I had let all those closest to me down. Understandably they had walked away one by one. And now finally I was stark-bollock-nakedly alone.
If you ever wish everyone would just get lost and leave you alone; Trust me, you don’t. Not for long.
The Shame
Following on from The Isolation (and remember not everyone is an alcoholic like myself) is really just the realisation and questioning of exactly what happened to your life; the people you know, the complete removal of your self-respect and self-worth, and for me obviously; the utter and complete shame of being the un-intelligent person who made yourself homeless .
As a chronic binge drinker I’d have long periods (gradually dwindling, admittedly) of sobriety, where life was pretty damn sweet and I’d be in control. In short, I’d ‘beaten it’. Why didn’t I stop before I had thrown it all away?
Now, ironically I didn’t actually have much of anything much to do all day except drink, or think about my shame, or both. Instead, I walked endlessly around and around the park, replaying every despicable, nasty, selfish, cruel, dishonest, awful thing I had ever done. I was in a continual cycle of self-torture and persecution and I couldn’t escape it.
You can run away from home, or you can run home. Where do you run to when you don’t have one?
The Lack of Emergency Exit Signs
“Excuse me World!
Having contemplated being rock bottom for a LONG time and having stopped the drinking, I’d like to climb back aboard now please.”
Nuh uh, not quite so fast buddy…
Once more, I am sure you have seen for yourself the sheer amount of homeless people out there; with or without drink, drug, or miscellaneous issues. If not, I can tell you. It’s a metric tonne.
I’m not here to tell you why everyone else got into their own messes, or whether it was deserved like my own. However, regardless of how you dug your own hole, rest assured there are a lot of people ahead and behind you in the queue for help.
There aren’t loads of places in government sponsored rehab programmes, there aren’t a bunch of halfway houses out there offering free board. Fuck, it’s hard enough to jostle for some free coffee and bread at the local soup kitchen.
There certainly aren’t any big, flashing neon signs that say – “This way to your new life homeless dude!”
You’ll largely have to find out where you can get help for yourself, knock on a whole bunch of doors (and get a lot of them slammed back in your face), and once you do see any glimmer of help available you sure as hell better fight for it, both emotionally and sometimes physically, and make sure you don’t throw it back in anyone’s face in the process as I saw a lot of people who screwed up the moment they had a foot in the door.
Don’t misunderstand me, there are people out there trying to help, charity organisations, even kind hearted people who WILL try – if you help yourself. But it’s still a bloody hard slog and although I am now thankfully homed in a shelter, I know I continue to have a long way and plenty of time to go before I once again have a place to call HOME.
There are also some not so bad times, honest…
5 Best Things about being Homeless
Freedom
It’s a bit of a revelation to sit in the sunshine and watch the world go by, completely oblivious to any of its problems. To be rid of job responsibilities, housework, clearing up baby sick. Woohoo! You are free as a bird once more to make your own choices!
Kind of.
After the initial horror, nay, Armageddon of being kicked out of your lovely and painstakingly house by your amazingly patient and gorgeous girlfriend who gave you your beautiful young daughter; pet your dog; watch TV at leisure, oh or eat, there is (believe it or not!), a fleeting yet blissful period where you feel the weight of the World slide away and you begin to think about this ‘opportunity’ to start over in life and make better choices.
To be honest, these ‘better choices’ often became clouded somewhat by the odd can of Super Strength Lager, but a proverbial fresh start was somehow now attainable. Much more than when I was being herded along by my rat race existence, in a job I hated, unable to swim against the tide of ‘regular life’ and do some things I wanted due to simply the perceived ‘lack of time’. Writing for example, reading a book, doing NOTHING but sit by a river in silence.
All those things were brought back to me, in the most horrid way, but I now will make sure they are always a part of whatever the future holds. In short, I’d face planted hard, but I was freshly ‘grounded’ in more ways than one.
Folk Tales
In my previously employed incarnation, I had become a mindless middle management drone – sharing the same few conversations with work colleagues about the latest episode of The Walking Dead (how apt…), Call of Duty, the pressures of ‘having to spending time with her indoors’, and of course fatherhood. It’d been a long time since I’d met anyone who felt new, or who’d led a different kind of existence, or who wanted something different out of life.
Now I was meeting and sometime hanging out with characters such a ‘Wheelie Dave’ (he had a wheelchair – us crazy homeless sure know how to give a dude a nickname, eh?) Mental Mickey (oh yeah, they just keep-a-coming!); Stevie (OK, not so hot that one); Father Ted (UK sitcom character – GIYLF), and so many random encounters with ‘normals’, i.e. dog walkers, retirees, commuters, etc.
If you took time to speak politely, they wouldn’t always offer you money but they would often share a tender moment from their own lives, or maybe enquire about your own predicament (if they were feeling especially brave). From these tales of highs, lows, joy and woes, I (as a writer) suddenly had a whole new bank of inspiration, countless fables to regurgitate and regale. Hey, I wasn’t really a homeless alcoholic – I was simply researching for my book!
Either way (and like the corniness or not), unless I was starving hungry or jonesing for a beer/cigarette, such moments often lifted my spirits immeasurably more. There are a lot of very interesting strangers out there to meet and share your life with. Never mind on Facebook and Twitter. Talk to someone! A lot of them also still care about other people. You might just have to prove you’re not a mental or likely to get a bit stabby.
It’s worth making the effort to share your stories with others though, however that may be.
Man Make Fire, Strong Like Bull
Before my excursion into whimpering myself to sleep each day (you NEVER sleep at night unless the lagers were really flowing that day…), I was a successful videogame producer with a love of techno, comics, sci-fi, i.e. a financially affluent geek. I’d had a middle class upbringing and I couldn’t honestly say I had lived in the vague vicinity of anything resembling ‘Da Ghetto’.
As such my survival skills were somewhat limited, to things such as ordering pizza, a bit of DIY, and a pretty good range of ‘Streetfighter’ noises. Putting it bluntly I was no Bear Grylls or Andy McNab.
OK, you got me, I’m still not, but I can now: –
· Find a secluded spot in any park where I won’t be seen or smelled by passers by. Similarly, I can tell someone approaching from about 500 yards away, more if they are upwind and smoking a cigarette.
· Start a fire even in damp conditions with damp paper.
· Erect a makeshift shelter from nothing more than cardboard boxes, using preferably a waterproof groundsheet (I never said I was back in the literal Dark Ages), and make sure I remained largely dry and out of the wind long enough to attempt a power nap.
· Find food via a mixture of scavenging from the bins at one of the local bakeries, donations from kind strangers (thank you again, whoever you were), and bartering for cig/booze with fellow wanderers.
· Last but not least – Find a place to crap. As long as there are no kids about or persons likely to take offense, most men will whip it out and have a pee, but you don’t think of how difficult it is for a homeless person to find place to make number 2 until you are one.
Public Toilets aren’t around like they used to be, and the newer ones even require ill afforded payment, so you are required to either beg a local pub/restaurant/cafe owner to let you walk through their establishment and using the facilities (not easy!), or you learn to hide in the bushes, arse in the wind, and make sure you collect discarded newspapers where you can. Yup – it really is that glamorous!
Humility and Appreciation
Probably the best thing for me personally was re-learning humility and appreciation. *Stop puking at the back!*
In all seriousness though, I’d taken for granted my girlfriend and daughter, had stopped giving them the life they deserved; I’d thrown my family’s love back in their faces time and time again, they all enjoyed a drink so why couldn’t I?
I’d messed up my career, relying on the many ‘last chances’ my former bosses had given me thanks to my past glory (during the ‘dry times’) and imagining it impossible they would dare let me go.
I’d been a complete shit to any friend who had tried to just be a friend for friend’s sake or to try and help me; my ego seeming to think they would always come back because deep down I’m a great guy, remember?
Underneath it all, I had been a successful big shot at major companies, and had it all, so even though I deep down knew the success was fading, and people were becoming disenchanted; there was simply no way I could really lose it all. Was there?
This whole experience has made me remember how lucky I have undoubtedly been in my life. It has rediscovered my drive to be an honest, loving, grateful man and fix those relationships I have messed up. Most of all I was appreciative I was even still alive. I had been remind of my desire to be the Father my Dad never was (he died 3 years ago incidentally, aged just 55 years old – I’ll let you guess what of).
The Only Way is Up
Another possibly contrite statement, but true nevertheless – I have never been to such depths of hell as I have during my relatively brief time on the streets. I’ve tried to summarise it above, but there are a million other ‘worst’ things, yet not so many ‘bests’ about this colossal fall from ‘grace’ of mine.
Un/Luckily, the only way for me is up now. I don’t want to go back there. I CAN’T. I’ve been forced to remember who ‘Sober Louis’ is, and you know what? I kinda like him. Other people kinda like him too.
I am starting from scratch and hopefully by regaining the trust of those around me and with their forgiveness combined with mine to myself, maybe I can even reconnect with my own little family, circle of friends, and career path. ..
Perhaps, I can even go home.
By Louis J Hayward
Aug 25, 2013 | Poetry tales, User Submitted Stories |
If only we realised that a smile is a contagious ray of sun, we would brighten the world.
In times at best, optimism is the most valuable quality. If only we knew we would race to prosper.
In this temporary world of spoken amiss, we wish for happiness.
From the glow in a daughters eye, exposed internal bliss.
We all have the same goal, but strive to force feed our purpose, with what we assume to be and intelligent choice. When in reality it’s worthless.
Happiness is life’s lock and how frantically we search for the key.
To be eternally satisfied is to be a caged bird set free.
Equality is a tooth of our answer.
Hence ignorance is a disease which kills a heart before a soul, exceedingly deadly yet curable unlike cancer.
Contentment is the sweetest thing a life could ever taste.
A good deed erases enemies through sincerity; such a deed can never be replaced.
So hasten to success, hasten to the evil past which the latter will erase,
It’s one difference at a time which makes the earth a better place.
By May Bint Abu-Qalbain
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