She’s staring’ at me,
I’m sitting, wondering’ what she’s thinking’.
‘Cause talking’ just turns into screaming’.
And now I’m yelling over her,
She’s yelling over me.
All that means
Is neither of us is listening,
(And what’s even worse).
That we don’t often even remember why were fighting.
So both of us are mad for Nothing’
Fighting for Nothing
Crying for Nothing
But we won’t let it go for Nothing’
(over our dead bodies)
I know sometimes
It’s going to rain…
But Love, can we make up now
‘Cause I can’t sleep through the pain
I know there is nothing to gain.
Love, I don’t want to go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don’t want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
And it gets me upset, Love
When it seems you’re constantly accusing of not caring.
(Asking’ questions you should know the answer to).
We’re fighting this war, baby
When both of us are losing.
(This ain’t the way that love is supposed to go).
What happened to working things out.
We’ve fallen into this place
Where you aren`t backing down
And I ain’t backing down.
So what the hell do we do now…
Is It all for nothing
Fighting for Nothing
But we still won’t let it go for Nothing
(No not for anything)
This should be nothing, we`ve seen too much together.
Love, can we make up now
Love, we’re gonna be happy.
Forget what love felt it should have been, live in love now.
Searching in love lost dreams will get us nowhere.
Grab onto what you have now
And I know we will go the distance
I need your hand
Let me lift you up
Take you to places you`ve only read of
Treat you the way you truly deserve
Spoil you with things you might never need
Fill your ears with words the fill the heart
Kiss you till you can`t feel your feet
Drive my hands through your hair and lift your soul higher than eagle’s wings
We`ve got to let go
Let it all hang out
Give me yourself with no reserve
Give you the love you deserve
No more angry words
No more reservations
I might not have done enough to win your heart
But I have done enough to win your ears
It`s time to really end the fights
It has to be all for something.
NB: I dint know what to call this song. Suggest names in the comment section of this page. This song was originally written in 2009 but never published until now.
Skinny. Nerd. Wimp. You name an insult, I’ve probobly been called it. It doesn’t help your confidence when you have every reason to not be. But, as is in every man, the allure of love found me. So here I was, in fourth period math, thinking of (let’s call her) grace. She wasn’t the prettiest of women, but I didn’t care . We had been freinds for some time, she was smart, funny, and, as Matt ruff once wrote, “when you see through love’s eyes, anyone can be perfect.” and so, there I was, daydreaming of spending the rest of my life with her. But there’s another thing wrong wih me: I have social anxiety. I wake up in the morning super pumped, and I walk up to her ready to ask her to date me, and then I run away like a coward. So one day I told myself “no more” and I decided that “hey, in fith grade, I had a girlfriend for a week, how much harder can it be?” And I was right. And I walked straight up to her, and I asked her the question. I can’t quite remember what i said, because right after I went into a frenzy of excitement, and from then on, I never doubted myself again. So every morning, take a look in the mirror, and say “hey, i am a human being. I know what I want, and the only person out there who can get me what I want is me, so I’m GOING, to live this day, as best as I can” once even a sliver of confidence finds its way into your head, anything is possible.
I can feel my hands shaking a bit as I sit down and write this. I can’t tell if it’s from fear, love… Or if I’m just casually about to have a nervous break down. Never the less, stay with me here.
I’m not to sure when reading this how many of you can relate to it but it’s something that is so close to my heart that these words are easy for me. It feels like the pen is just gliding over the paper. My hand seems to have no control.
Where do I even start!
I think most of us have that one person in our life that no matter how many days or years pass they will always stay at the front -line of our hearts, floating around with a huge stick waiting to harass and deny entry to any passers-by. You Love, you lose.. You don’t move on. Typical woman.
I could sit here forever and talk about the many characteristics he has that I adore, or about how each one draws you into him. I could tell you about his heart and how sometimes I swear I could feel it holding me. But I will most defiantly start hysterically crying.
Anyway. All you really need to know to understand my story is that I loved him. He was not only my boyfriend but my best friend. Someone I had and still have unconditional love for. The guy that gave me that beautiful sick feeling in the pitt of my stomach. The guy I found myself completely infatuated with. William. ❤
I’ll take you back to a distant summer were a group of 4 decided to start making memories together. Me and William, my best friend and Williams best friend. They made up couple number two. May I add they are still together and will be getting married this year. Let’s all aw at once. Or let’s not cause happy people are shit let’s face it :/
We all pretty much from day one insisted on spending every second of every day, morning, afternoon and evening together. Just creating memories..
Let’s cut the crap and fast forward one year – everything is still perfect. Must have been about 6pm. At home prancing around like a spring chicken waiting for the boyfriend to arrive.
So 7 o clock came, but he didn’t ..
And then 8 o clock creeped up, but he didn’t… 9 o clock came and still no sign. No call. Nothing.
So you can imagine at this point I’ve got my CSI face on and I’m ready to start interrogating him until either one of us starts crying. Dibs on me. I cry over anything. I’m pathetic like that. So I start tapping away with my obese little fingers in some sort of hysterical rage mode. Seeing not much else but red at this point.
“the mobile phone you have called is currently switched off please try again later..”
Right. So…. He’s ditched me?
Ready to lose the plot any second really. Hands are sweating, my hearts racing I hate the unknown. I’m now just thinking the absolute worst. Or so I thought.. I had no idea my whole world was about to be flipped upside down..
I’m not one to chase, I’ll leave you to your own devices until your ready to come at me. Although saying that.. I did stalk his mobile for a good couple of hours until I gave up and fell asleep on my own dribble n tears. I woke up in the morning and obviously he was the 1st thing to mind. But no miss calls.. No text messages. Nothing. Nada. Not a sausage.
At this point my hearts sunk to the bottom of my stomach and I can feel it starting to wretch. Before I’ve had the chance to do anything I’ve got the wife calling. Perfect. I can vent n find out where this idiot was last night. So unlike him.
“Hello babe, please tell me you have spoken to wiggle…?”
She kinda went a bit silent for a few seconds and then proceeded to change my life as I knew it. All I can really remember is putting my head into my hands and dropping to the floor.
…”He’s dead Sara.
He had a car accident on the way to you last night and he died.”
……… I can’t really explain the feeling I felt, it’s like no other emotion I’ve ever come across before. I just went numb. I couldn’t feel my hands. I couldn’t feel myself breathing. I was ready to die. No doubt in my mind. I wanted to die. I didn’t care how, I just needed to see his face again. Just no words to explain the pain that ran through my heart. I felt like I was crying blood. And every tear that dropped took apart of my soul with it.
I spent every night screaming in the dark. Not wanting to leave my bedroom floor. I couldn’t and didn’t want to feel any comfort. Because it wasn’t possible. There was nothing, absolutely nothing that could have eased my pain. Nothing. I know longer had any concept of what comfort was. I just turned cold. The feeling of emptiness is indescribable. It’s so overwhelming that you have no choice but to let it take over the whole of your mind, body and what’s left of your soul. Grief stops clocks, it stops every aspect of your life and you just no in your heart that life will never be the same again.
What is left?
What do I live for?
Being touched by death transforms your life, sobers your mind and changes your life forever. You never ever stop grieving. Ever. This happened in 2006 and to this DAY my heart has never found a way to fully heal and everyday I am still reminded of him. Everyday.
The funeral was to overwhelming and I couldn’t bring my self to attend the burial. My last thoughts of him, 6 feet under.. I couldn’t do it. I never wanted that thought to be mixed up in all the memories I hold 🙁
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition..and unspeakable love.
A POEM To my unborn child.
I am writing this letter to my unborn child
From a fathers heart to a heart straight from my God
Who before its first breath my heart already loves
I love you more than even life can ever hold
My beautiful wife, what precious life you will bring
I love you even more for keeping you till this day.
I know its naive to love someone unknown
Yet in my silliness I feel at peace
For in your eyes yet unseen I know I shall come close to seeing my lord.
My child , My life, what simple words to speak
Counting down the days have been the longest wait of my life
Soon I shall meet you , knowing my life will never be the same
To cuddle, to nurse, to kiss your tears away
To cherish, to keep warm all the days of your life
As every day passes and every fear rises
Wondering and praying that you will be all you can be
Looking to my Lord to keep you safe when I cant
Oh, how hungry I am to show you a wonderful world
To hold your tiny arms till you can walk on your own
And keep you in my strong arms till yours grow stronger than mine
My beautiful child don’t be lonely in heaven
Make friends there my child for no one can harm you there
Remember to say hello to the lord and tell him I am doing all I can
To be ready for his gift.
Tell him not to worry for I will do everything to keep you safe and remind you where you came from
My darling child, kiss his feet and tell him I said I know I am lucky for soon
I will have you in my arms.
WHAT IS SMART LOVE?
Philippians 1:9-10 ‘And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ’. This verse describes smart love in 4 ways: it constantly grows, it deepens in it’s practical knowledge and insight, it opens our eyes to see God’s best for our lives and it enables us to be pure and blameless in His sight.
To truly love someone with smart love, we need to use our heads as well as our hearts. In other words don’t allow your emotions to dictate the course of a dating relationship.
To ‘know’ something is to understand it clearly and with certainty.
Insight’ is an instance of understanding the true nature of something, the ability to see the motivation behind thoughts and actions. No dwelling on what happens but knowing for where it came from.
Smart love in action is when you wait until you are ready for commitment before pursuing romance (in any form).
When love grows in knowledge, we then can discern what is best for our lives not just what we think we feel.
Seek guidance from “spiritual truth” not from your feelings. What does God say it should be?
When we make God’s glory and the needs of others first we receive God’s best for us.
God wants us to pursue purity and blamelessness in our motives, mind and emotions. God not only wants us to act differently but also think differently- to view love, purity and singleness from his perspective, to have a new lifestyle and new attitude.
Are you still tempted to accept our culture’s idea of romance instead of the Bible’s? I do sometimes because it seems easier and it feels good.
Romans 6:23 ‘For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ This verse brings both warning and hope. It is to walk away from an intimate relationship with someone but there is hope for us. Pursuing the world and it’s pleasures is tantalizing but we know obedience to God brings the best life.
A while ago I looked up on the internet what the difference between being in love and loving someone was, so here is what I found: ‘To be in love describes the excitement, passion, and sense of worth that a person experiences when they are involved with someone. It is a personal experience.To be in love is to find a sense of worth from another persons view of you.
To love someone means that you give them care, concern, friendship and affection willingly. You respect them, understand that they are as human as you and do make mistakes, but that they are a good, capable, responsible person whom you enjoy spending time with. Your affection does not wane with distance, and you do not grow bored of them with time. Neither do you idealize them.’
The bible describes love in 1 corinthians 13 as
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.