I always wonder how many of us women have to sacrifice to be happy. Do we sacrifice because we have to or do we sacrifice willingly? How many times do we embrace our-self before we start loving our partners? I have never come across a moment in time where I have sat down and thought about myself. My mornings will always start of with my boyfriend on my mind and that is the last thing on my mind when I fall asleep. You may be reading this and thinking aw that is so cute however it became so unhealthy that it ruined my life and took me to a dark place. See the thing is, that when I was in previous relationships it was never serious and I will tell you why. I have never even told my family about my childhood traumatic memories. The type of background family I come from is where rape or child molestation looks like it was the victims fault, having that in mind if other communities found out that this has happened to my child who would want to marry them? Harsh right! I know and that is something that I will have to carry on my shoulders until the day I die. My family not being able to support me because in simpler terms they would be embarrassed of what society has to say blinds there better judgement.  But this is not why we are here.

That being said I’ll take you guys back to where it then went all down hill. You see when I first got into a relationship all I ever wanted was to feel was the feeling of being loved, understood and safe! How this tuned into a horrible mess. This went onto me then dating older guys. I was only 14 turned into 15. Can you guys see how this is going, don’t say it how can you be that silly didn’t you learn from your past experience etc etc. Well I thought having a male figure in my life that cares for me and loves and supports me is everything I would need to forget everything that ever happened to me. That was never the case. This just let me more vulnerable. I opened up to a guy that was 4 years older than me, being 4 years older than me lets just say he knew what he wanted in life and oh how he knew how to get his ways with me without me thinking too much about it.

Fast forward to the present now. I am 21 years old and lets say life has a funny way of making history repeat itself. I would say that but I would say my past life experience is holding me back to so much more than I could offer my partner or out future. You see I am trying to learn how to live my life the way I want.

I don’t know if you guys are reading this or if this even makes sense because as writing this, I’m shaking, crying and well just emotional over all. Sorry if I didn’t make a whole load of sense I just wanted to express myself  and just wanted someone to hear me out.





With several thousand articles on pay rise, I am guessing you might be asking yourself what I have to offer that others haven’t said.  I guess the only thing I have to offer in a real sense of it , is experience of trying this out. In terms of value of this experience, I will let you be the judge of its value.

As some people that know me can testify, I am a big believer in experiential learning. In the past I had read way too many “personal narratives” of the way to success and I realised that while there are some similarities, there are many ways to the same goal. I am also a believer that people should not talk about something they either haven’t experienced in their lives as if they have or dish out directed advice (i.e if you do this, you will get this )

This brings me to the topic at hand, about 2 years back I decided to undertake a bit of a social/work place experiment on what I felt to be a very tricky issue.  As you have probably guessed from the name of this, I decided to try to get a pay raise. After all, what did I have to lose?

Now before I continue I would like to quickly put a disclaimer out. I am in no way saying that this is a guaranteed way to get a raise however this is what actually worked for me. Also as you will soon be able to tell, I am not a writer nor am I an aspiring one. I am simply someone with a story to tell. I also would never ever advice anyone to experience something in order to know if it was true in all circumstances and to discard written work (some of which is based on good research).  That is simply bad advice. My advice here applies mainly to me and my experience in seeking a raise.

Now, let’s go back to where I was. I have chosen the road of writing about the 7 most important questions that guided my “quest” for more money for a few reasons. Firstly, I don’t think you will get much value in me talking specifically or in detail about what I did every day . Secondly, there is a good chance you  would get bored and scroll to the end if you are anything like my loving wife (see what I did there J ) so I will keep this short and reader friendly.  Thirdly, while this is from experience and at no point from beginning till the end did I refer, read, watch or listen to any other writing, articles, peers, videos or audio advice; I am not so brave or silly to not give this some thought before attempting to proceed.

To cut a long story short, while trying to get a pay rise these are the 7 main questions I asked myself and a brief outline of why.

1) Are you really worth more? (Honestly?)


Let’s be honest here, most people think they are worth more than they really are or worth less that they are.  It is very important to use your introspective skills (Introspection is the examination of one’s own conscious thoughts and feelings). Do a personal combined analysis of past achievements, professional accomplishments and development and your present value to the business compare it to similar businesses and similar jobs in those businesses (try to compare apples for apples if you can). It’s important in determining if this might not be the right time to ask for a raise. Your chances are quite slim or I dare say would be based on luck if this isn’t asked first.


2) Can you prove you are worth more?

While it is all well and good that you think, feel or even know something. In today’s world nothing means anything if you cannot “prove” it. Now I did not go creating a super power point presentation of why I was worth more but, a few things like feedback from colleagues (seniors and direct reports), past reviews, attendance history and lateness records would help a lot. What would help even more is if there is something to compare it to. Now, I must state at this point that I am in no way talking about showing how much better you are than specific colleagues as that would be very unprofessional. If you must compare, make sure it is generic data, such as average statistics for that department (present and future).Make sure it is relevant also.

3) Exactly how much more do you want?

Everyone would like a million pound pay rise. Yet there are very few occupations in the world where you could actually be asking for that and it would be realistic.  There is no point asking for something and not knowing exactly how much more you want. It is usually best to keep it in percentages (10%, 15%, 20%) etc.  Also ask yourself, Is it feasible or unrealistic for the company?  This for me tied directly with the questions of worth. For every business there is an expected return on every pound or dollar spent. You need to know if you can deliver this back.  It’s called human resources for a reason (hopefully that doesn’t sound too harsh). Do not be un-aware of it.  I was taken more seriously because I had an exact figure I wanted and why I wanted it.

4) Who should you be speaking to about more money?

Now this one is something I honestly did not know mattered at all. I always felt that if you wanted a pay rise you should simply speak to your manager. However, 8 out of 10 times, this is probably correct but in my case it really wasn’t.  Unfortunately sometimes your boss through no fault of theirs is more a figure head than anything else. Find out who determines the acceptance of your case and build the earlier steps again for that person also. You would still need to speak to your manager even if they aren’t the ones that determine if it is accepted or not but there is a good chance it could be more to inform them than anything else. It could be your bosses boss or even HR that determines this (though extremely rare for the latter)

5) What is the overall perception of you?

Now let me start by saying that there is a real difference between your real self (who you are) and your ideal self (who you aspire to be). Some people have managed to become who they aspire to be but for most of us, this is not the case. It is also important to note that just as a perceived grievance should be treated as a real one. It does not matter if who people think you are, is not really who you are. People would always treat you based on who they think you are. I guess a simple explanation is would you allow a perceived (not a convicted) serial killer into your home? Does it really matter that there is no proof to support your belief? Try to find out (using a soft approach) about who people really see you at work. You might need to fix an image problem before proceeding. Do not under estimate the power of the “right impression or perception”.   Are you seen as a model professional, lazy, difficult, a work complainer or untalented?

6) Are you ready to negotiate?

Let’s start with a quick reality check. You are in an office that only stays afloat and profitable by their ability to mitigate risk, manage costs and expenditure effectively and negotiate its existence amongst competitors and new entrants and now you are asking for more money to do the exact same job. You must be prepared to have a conversation or a few about your request. Do not expect to win or get what you wanted just because you asked. You are attempting to navigate the ever tricky waves of price versus value. You must treat this as such. Be prepared and in my case it ws very beneficial to ask for slightly more than what I would have been okay with.

7) Are you prepared to fail and try again?

No thanks is a very real possibility. Think of this like the first time you met a person you were interested in. Now unless, you think you are God’s gift to the dating world or have an over blown ego, there is a chance you knew you could get shut down. There is also a chance you knew you would have to reattempt the exact same thing again. The main difference between this  (looking for a raise) and that (dating) is If at first you don’t succeed, make sure you find out why. Dont just say “it’s okay, thanks for looking at my proposal”. If possible get a review date.

Now in my opinion, by combining this 7 things I managed to get almost 50% pay rise in 2 years (two different pay rises).

Be prepared and good luck with yours. Please feel free to let me know if this helped and better still if it worked for you.



Greetings. I want to share a very personal story with you all in the hopes that it will inspire you as much as the experience has for me.
I had just flown back to New York from England this past December, when I made a knee jerk decision to road trip it down to Florida to spend the holidays with my family. This would be the first time in God knows how many years that we would actually BE together FOR the holidays. I also really needed to be around my family as I was not in a good place, emotionally, and hadn’t been for quite some time. Now, those who know me, know me to be a very upbeat and fun person to be around, but I had begun to lose all of those qualities in what felt like record speed. Life was, kicking my ass so fierce and so fast, with one blow after another, than no sooner would I manage to pick myself up, I’d find myself right back down again. So much, (forgive me) S*** was happening in every aspect of my life that not only was I feeling it, I could almost SEE the “sedimentary” layers of it all around me as I was sinking deeper and deeper. This was, dare I say, The Perfect “Sh**” Storm and it showed no signs of letting up. I was PRAYING for a miracle, kids. Divine intervention. ANYTHING from anyWHERE or ONE to somehow show me that this storm WAS going to pass, and pass sooner than later.
January 1, 2015. I chose this symbolic 1st sunrise of the New Year to take a walk to the beach and have a word with God. I’m a huge believer in signs, having had so many wonderful experience with them over the years and on this morning, I DESPERATELY needed one. I was nearly broken, yet my Spirit was still having onto what was now the very tail and frayed bits of that “Hope Rope.” ( Oooh. Hope Rope.That’s a keeper. I like that one. Have I just coined that phrase? Sadly, I googled it and that would be a NOPE on the HOPE rope. Oh well. I’m still gonna use it. )
Anyway……I made my journey to the beach early that morning and I asked God. No wait. I didn’t ask. I PLEADED & INSISTED that He/She/It present a sign to me.TODAY. If anyone knew my pain and struggle, They did, and They knew what it was doing to me and had to know just how important this day was for me. Only a few days before, I drove to that very beach and sat it my car, feeling completely broken,lost,alone. All of the above and so much so, that I actually called a helpline…..and was put on hold. No BS. I can honestly say that at that moment of being put on hold, I shook my head and laughed. It was as if the Universe had given me that Cher slap in the movie, “Moonstruck”, telling me to “SNAP OUT OF IT!”
And so back to the morning of January 1. This was crunch time. I wanted a sign and I was DETERMINED. Now you would think that in my desperation, I would’ve taken anything that was possibly offered to me and be grateful , wouldn’t you? Not the case at all. I was very specific about my intentions. Like I said, it was crunch time and I knew exactly what I wanted as a sign.
No, I didn’t ask for buried treasures, although now that I think about it, I totally stopped the ball on that one. Damn!!! I asked for a shark’s tooth. That was what I wanted. I had spent an absolutely magical day with my Mom on the beach years ago and while we were walking, I had the sudden urge to say out loud, “I’m gonna find a shark’s tooth in the next 5 minutes!” Haven’t a clue why I said it and still don;t, but all that I know is that I found not one but 2 in those five minutes! And I vividly remember some guy walking by who said, “Looking for shark’s teeth? Good luck!” He about fell over when I showed him my finds!
I’ve been to many beaches since that day and was always hoping to find another and never did. Today HAD to be the day and I made my order quite clear. I wanted a tooth and not just any tooth. This particular one had to be bigger than the tow I already had. The color gray popped into my mind for whatever reason, so I insisted it had to have gray in it, as well. I also said ,(and by now, I was on a roll) that it had to be presented to me in such a way that I’d absolutely have no doubt from Whom/What it came from. I wanted a grand reveal. I wasn’t going to walk over it or pass it by. It was going to be there just as I had asked.
And so I set forth to find this tooth, talking to myself and God while sifting through shells, plants, as well as lazy people’s plastic garbage (WTF, peeps???!!! There are trash bins EVERYWHERE! Shame on you.), affirming to myself that I was going to find what I came here for. The more I looked, the more I felt in my heart of hearts that I WAS going to find it. I’m kept saying that I wasn’t leaving this beach until i did. I even went so far as to do my best DeNiro imitation from Cape Fear, saying, “Come out , come out, wherever you are.” No BS. I said it. Out Loud.
After 1/2 or so of crawling around on my now sand/shell/plastic-encrusted hands and knees in my search for that sign from above, I tool a bit of a break to realign my back and to feed the seabirds some popcorn I had brought for them. It was while I was feeding the birds that I made another declaration to God and I said, “You see me feeding these birds. When I am finished feeding them, You are going to show me what I came here for.” ( Again, No BS, folks. I am not embellishing this story one bit.)
The birds were fed. The food was gone. I then took about 6 or so random steps in the direction of the shoreline, and right there in front of me, with a natural rock seawall as a most fitting backdrop;surrounded by only freshly washed sand for at least a 2 yard radius (and this was a shelly/plant and plastic covered area of the beach) was a single shark’s tooth sticking out of the sand like a single birthday candle on a cake. It was and OMG moment and OH MY GOD was right. It was EXACTLY as I asked it to be. Bigger. Bit of gray. Presented in a grand manner and it really did take my breath away. I gasped. I laughed. I cried. All of the above.
I pulled that tooth (pun intended) out of the sand and held it up high and just kept saying , “Thank you. Thank you, GOD. Thank you so much, over and over for only They know how many times. I kissed the tooth and held it to my heart. I’m getting emotional at this moment just thinking it about again.

I could end the story right there, but just like those TV infomercials that say, “But Wait! There’s More!” And there really is more.
I had taken a photo of the tooth to send to a friend and wanted to show its size, so I grabbed something close by (in this case, it was quarter) and took the photo. It was only when I actually really looked at the photo, as I was making it my screensaver, that I saw something else that completely blew me away. Hand to heart, folks, this was a random placement of the quarter for size comparison only.
Check out the photo. See the tooth? pretty cool, eh? Now check out the quarter and see what it says…….

( I can resend the photo if you don’t already have it )

In God We Trust. And believe me, I DO.
That morning was a life saver and a game changer. It has changed everything for me and it has changed ME.
Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find it. Knock and it will be opened to you.
How strange that even the first letter of each of those phrases spell out A-S-K.
I asked. I sought. I found. I put every ounce of my being into my intentions and, by George (again pun intended to the man on the quarter, I GOD IT !
I wear my tooth proudly and close to my heart, as a reminder of a day that needs no reminding from me. I was there and it was one of the best days through the messed days……Again, I so God It and I wish these kind of moments for each and every one of you.
Thank you.

Finding Purpose In Life (by Dami O-Aliu)

Finding Purpose In Life (by Dami O-Aliu)

Its been a long time since I wrote, I guess I just needed time to re-process things and hopefully understand the things before me.


Life can be complicated but sometimes it can be blissfully simple. In the period I took to step away I discovered that reflection and meditation on circumstances is no longer a luxury afforded by only the wise but now a necessity of every man.


I have had time to think about family, love, wealth (money), work and religion. The more I searched, the more answers I felt I got yet in those answers new question arose. This made me come to the inevitable conclusion that no matter how much value we place on the things around us a few things come on top as priceless.


Yet, in all I see three main things a person cannot or maybe I should say, should not do without.


1) A Sense of Direction, Ownership and Belonging (D.O.B): Similar to the blessed trinity the most important thing comes in three.


A) A sense of Direction: I used to dream about days when I would wake up and not have a single thing to do or place to go.  I don’t know if you were/are like me and dreamt about winning a massive lottery.


It was the best of my dreams and then one day it happened. I had taken a 6 month leave from work (lots of reasons why which I won’t go into details about) I woke up with nowhere to go and to be honest it felt great for the first few days, I stayed home, looked after the kids, did the laundry and dishes, made meals. It was amazing and then the days turned into weeks and then months. I am not saying it was all bad as I had the option to go back to work earlier if I wanted. What I am saying is that a taste of this allowed me a unique learning experience. There is no life without purpose.


I am not saying that your purpose should be work, all I am saying is that at least when I woke up every day I knew exactly what was needed of me and weekend rests felt better because they felt earned. I am convinced that a sense of direction is vital but even more so that it is only a third of a perfect piece.


B) A Sense of Ownership: This is the second piece of the puzzle. When I was home I realised that even when I was at work I did not exactly feel accomplished. I felt like I had failed to some degree. Did I hate my job? Not at all, I loved it. I loved meeting new people every month. I knew almost everyone. I was respected by my colleagues, delegates and superiors.


Yet something was missing. I realised that what was simply missing was that it wasn’t mine. It was a good job, not the best pay but good enough but it wasn’t my company. I felt no responsibility for the job. This allowed me come to the conclusion that responsibility is also a good this and it brings with it ownership.


What am I saying here? I am simply stating the obvious, My family (son, daughter and wife) are my responsibility and because of that simple irrefutable fact I know exactly what they need from me (doesn’t mean I always do it though). There is ownership in the family unity and this allowed me to enjoy the challenges that come with it. I relish the challenges and pray I am up to them but they are no longer negative. A sense of ownership is very important but even with direction and ownership there is still something missing.


C) A Sense of Belonging: I am not sure you even need me to explain why this is even important but I will all the same. Have you ever thought about the tragedy of abandonment and the evils that sometimes come from people that have suffered isolation and abandonment?  Or ever thought about radicals or gangs? What makes people give up their lives for a belief? What makes life and family mean so little in comparison? It is a sense of belonging. It is such a powerful motivator than it leads people to abandon everything they see and know and in extreme circumstances to abandon morality. A sense of belonging can also be used in a positive way. An example that comes to mind is missionaries delivering food, help, health aid and charities with international reach.  At this point I feel that I would be writing an irresponsible post if I do not interject and state that a sense of belonging does not in any way mean an abandonment of your own desires or who you are.


As a matter of fact I believe that they go hand in hand. A quote that comes to mind that explains it perfectly is by Brene Brown;

“The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.”


She also goes on to echo my discovery when she states “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick”.


For anyone that has never heard of her, she is worth researching.  My sense of belonging comes from more than just myself. I belong to my family as much as they belong to me. I belong to my friends and I belong to this world. I am responsible for how I leave this world when my time is up (no matter what day that happens).


You see, in order to fully appreciate a sense of direction you must see it in connection to ownership and belonging and then and only then do you see the full picture of why they are important as individuals yet part of a family.


2) Love: I am glad I discovered this well into the early years of marriage. The love of a wife can be a bedrock. Before I could really understand this I first of all had to understand that I am not perfect in anyway. The fact I have love does not mean I will not abuse it or take it for granted and this only helps to make me take a step back and see how lucky I am. When I talk about love here, I am in no way talking about love from Hollywood movies or from romantic books.


I am talking about love where you are hurt but still don’t want to leave. The kind you are afraid to lose and it keeps you working on yourself to become better. I am talking about the kind you know and you feel as real as your own hands. I won’t bore you by telling you all the details of how I came to this conclusion all I will say is whoever you have let them know. If you can’t say it , then write it. If you can’t write it then sing it, if you can’t sing it ask someone to help but don’t stay silent. Love breeds love. Can you imagine a faith worse than loving with nobody to love? If you are lucky enough to have someone to love and someone that loves you back then they deserve to know.  Love forgives, love cares, love appreciates, love grows, love never dies, love never looks back but love also needs love to burn brightest.


3) Attitude: I guess this might come as a surprise to some, as attitude is very often not discussed as an important part of a purposeful life. Attitude is simply a settled way of thinking or feeling about something.

Why is this important? I guess it is simply because we are all a victim or product of our perceptions. We react to the world based on the way we see the world. Our attitude is governed by it. Yet we very often forget that though we may not have the best of everything or anything. We have a choice on how to behave. My friends please don’t kid yourselves the way I have always done. We have a choice in every situation.  We have a choice on how to react when we get fired, when our partner leaves us, when we fail to get what we want, when someone cuts in front of us (we all know how irritating that can sometimes be). We can “chose” to rise above it or chose to dwell on it. Our attitude is our choice and ours alone. We are not even victims of our biological urges as most people like to believe. We own our attitude, we own our choices, we own it and must take responsibility for it.


Now the best part about attitude is that even if you have a poor attitude, this can be fixed. It is not something you were born with. It is something you develop.  A very useful strategy to develop is “looking at the bigger picture”.



“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.”

― Walt Whitman


A few examples might help. When I was 8 years old, I fell “in love” (as much as a child can) for the first time. I was totally crazy for a girl I met in school. I felt that this was the single most important thing in the world to me. I never told anyone about it but to me, she was everything. In that moment at that time I felt like if I did not get her then “life was not worth living”.


I don’t think she ever knew who I was or how I ever felt. Now, over 20 years after and it makes no difference what I felt then. It has no impact on my life and thankfully I am still here. Now before you disregard this and call it “puppy love” please note that this was very real to me. If a person perceives something as real then it will always be in your best interest to treat it as such (regardless of your own personal inclinations). I was just as hurt then as I would be now.


Another example is one that is very personal to me. Almost a decade ago (during my freshman year) I met a lovely lady who turned out to be a very good friend. She made my first year at university that much easier. She was nice and though we never had romantic feelings for each other she was as good a friend as I could ever ask for. About 3 years ago she unfortunately took her own life. It looks for all indications to be as a result of lost love. I was so devastated by this because we had not been in touch for over 2 years and I just wished I could have offered her what she offered me when I needed it. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain her family is going through even till date. She really was a saint yet in a similar situation she just could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I cannot blame her ex-boyfriend as he has a right to pick who he wants to be with. He has a right to choice.


In the present world of social media it is quite easy to develop a negative attitude, especially when one looks at what “the rest of the world” seems to be doing.


A few realistic steps might help

1) Be careful when developing your attitude and never compare yourself to anyone. What a tragedy it will be if we ever forget the thing that makes us uniquely us. Our experience are uniquely ours and what makes us beautiful and stronger ( A treasure chest of wisdom).


2) Whatever people say is simply their opinion. They are entitled to it but it does not mean you have to take it (obviously I still recommend listening to good counsel).  No one can make you feel inferior without your consent so stand firm on who you are.


3) Smile and do what makes you happy as long as it isn’t harmful to yourself or others.  We still have a responsibility to others so one unfortunately must reflect on this advice more than all the others. I am in no way asking you to stay with someone you know you do not love at all for fear of breaking their heart. I am simply saying pleasure must be enjoyed with caution.


4) Ignore people who simply tell you that you cannot do it and never offer advice as to how to overcome a problem. What good is it telling someone of a problem if it is not backed with a solution? You need positive people around you especially because there will come a day that you might lose belief in yourself. You will need someone who helps you see it.


5) Enjoy yourself in everything. Enjoy the unexpected or result that were not what you expected. Many people have discovered great things in error. A positive attitude will help you see through it all.


6)Have a positive vision and be happy for other peoples success. I know it might be hard to be happy for your ex when they find someone else they love but try to understand that true love involves being happy for someone else even if they are not with you.


7) Finally, always be true to yourself. Not who you think you are or what you would like to be but who you really are (strengths and weaknesses). Never beat yourself down and never compromise or search for dodgy shortcuts. Work smart and not harder but always know who you are what you stand for lest you fall for anything.


Your attitude to success will ultimately be the thing you rely on when things go wrong. When (and not if) problems come along the way. A positive attitude will keep you focussed and goal oriented. It will give you power over your circumstances. No matter what you face in life always look at the bigger picture.  Are you worrying about work? Well, If you got fired today, your company will be fine as there are several hundreds to do your job (so take a break and enjoy life).  Your life has been lived many times before you by many others before you (so enjoy the ride and love the people around you while you still can). There will always be wealth on earth (so try not to spend your entire life looking for it).  In work, in family in life, always give more than you expect to receive in return.  These my friends is how we find real purpose in life.


“There is a magnificent, beautiful, wonderful painting in front of you! It is intricate, detailed, a painstaking labor of devotion and love! The colors are like no other, they swim and leap, they trickle and embellish! And yet you choose to fixate your eyes on the small fly which has landed on it! Why do you do such a thing?”

– C. JoyBell C.


If you have any more suggestions or comments, please feel free to leave a comment below. Thanks for reading.




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Meet Me on the Other Side (My Near Death Experience) by Gary L. Plumley Sr.

Meet Me on the Other Side (My Near Death Experience) by Gary L. Plumley Sr.

My Near Death Experience Meet Me On The Other Side


I had ten heart attacks:

My tenth heart attack was the worst. I had an experience and I want to tell my story. My story is not for everyone. It is for open minded seekers who have already looked into the possibility of life after death, heard testimonies and want to understand how they are similar even though they all seem to differ and even contradict each other. I may have a helpful piece of the puzzle for you.

I am not a writer as you will see. With this I want to try to attract the attention of a writer who would be able to dig out of me what I really mean by all of this and organize it in a decent order. It may help some people understand the differences in people’s near death experiences, and give you another view of what the after life might be like.

I became a serious seeker after my first heart attack. My first three heart attacks were fifteen days apart. I was scared. I trusted only myself and searched as deeply as I could with an open mind. I knew not to actually join or get involved with any group, religion or movement, however, I wanted to hear what they had to say. I knew how to sort out what I want from them and leave the rest behind. Their message had to make sense to me and fit into what I already knew.

I found where heaven is:

I connected the dots to the stories from many who have had Near Death Experiences (NDEs), I am an NDEer myself. Later in my experience, I got help from a visitor from the other side.

I received two negative reviews on my story telling me I sound like I know-it-all, while at the same time I’m saying; We, including me, got it wrong about God. The thing is, in my short story I dare to try to explain the knowledge that was given to me by my guardian angel visitor. You will see later that it is confusing because of the way my visitor and I had our exchange. I considered re-writing my story but that won’t work. I’m not being arrogant at all. I did however, remove the last two closing paragraphs by request, where I thought I had been rejected by the NDE community, turns out, I was wrong about that.

I always knew the bible was written in code, and I found that all of the holy books are written that way with similar patterns. I am able to make sense of the ancient Greek stories and can read the stars the way they were intended to be read, as if they too were a holy book written in the same code. On the first page of the bible it says, “the stars shall be for signs”. Genesis 1:14. It doesn’t say that they will be for signs, someday.

During my NDE I was uploaded with all the information of the universe. I wish I could remember it all now, though, I do know where that knowledge is. That knowledge is still inside me, however, it’s not as overwhelming as the day it was dropped in my lap. I am able to access a lot of it like any of our normal memories. That knowledge is inside of us all. When I was dead, for the lack of a better term, I knew how many rain drops had ever fallen on the earth. I knew everything about everyone who ever lived – all of their secrets, all of their favorite foods and even their thoughts. This list was endless.

I learned not only what God is, but I learned what God is not. Folks, we got it wrong, and always have. Humans want to believe in monsters, unicorns, leprechauns, devils, etc. People want to believe in miracles and that a man could walk up to an ocean and wave his hands and the sea will open. Or, that a man can talk to a burning bush or even lay down his staff and it would turn into a serpent. How about Jonah, who spent three days in the belly of a fish and came out an evangelist? Then there was the young David who killed the giant Goliath with a sling shot, and that a donkey talked to a man….. As soon as you tell yourself that these people were favored by God, it’s the same as telling yourself that you are not as well liked by God.

The bible is written in code:

Jesus told his disciples that the secrets of the kingdom of God are given to them, but to everyone else they must be taught in parables. Luke 8:10. What makes us think that the disciples, after they became apostles, went and wrote the four gospels and forgot, or ignored what Jesus told them. They wrote the gospels in the same code as all the other prophets. The bible also says that Jesus never spoke but in a parable. People think that the words written in red are straight up truth. The truth is in there but you need to know how to interpret it. The writers keep repeatedly saying, “Blessed is he who reads, and understands the words of this prophecy.” Whoever you would ask if they understand the words of the prophecy they would tell you they do, and actually believe they do. Everyone would claim to be open minded and they believe they really are. As long as we find someone who believes what we believe, we call them open minded.

Religions claim that their religion is the only real truth. Everyone is adamant that their religion is the correct teaching and everyone else has it wrong. I learned during my NDE that is the way it is suppose to be on earth – the more confusing the better. The world is one big logic problem and we were sent here to figure it out. We came here and forgot who we really are. It looks confusing but the more pieces to the puzzle you uncover you will see it is really pretty simple. So simple that it’s hard to believe the answer is right under our noses. People don’t want to hear simple, they want far out, mystic and supernatural to be their truth.

In my search, I looked into several religions briefly until I found the pattern I was expecting to find, and I always found it. I found the same formula every time, numerology, a play on words, and symbols. In ‘The Gospel of Phillip, who’s book was removed from the bible, Phillip says that, “Truth did not come into this world naked, but by types and images. One cannot find truth in any other way.”

I looked into the human brain and found a connection. I studied mind control, hypnosis, Stockholm Syndrome, Sacred Geometry, sound frequencies, UFO’s, Out of Body Experiences (OBEs) and things that would make people label me a conspiracy theorist. I studied Edgar Cayce, who was known as The Sleeping Prophet, I listened to everyone who had something to teach. I took what I wanted from them and left the rest behind. Everyone has bits and pieces of the truth.

I learned that, everyone has a piece of the puzzle, but have not put everything together before they rush out and begin to teach it to the world. So, we have a lot of contradictions and confusion. Is it any wonder? The bible warns about this in many ways.

I am going to do a lot of negative talking about religions and groups but I will, also, explain why they all have their place and are actually beneficial for us in our search.

Unconditional Love?

After my first heart attack I was scared. I can’t put into words how afraid I was of the after life. I knew, throughout my life, when I was doing wrong that I was doing wrong, and it didn’t matter much to me. I think at the time that I believed in God but didn’t think he wanted me in heaven anyway, but in my youth as far as I was concerned, I was immortal and dying was a long way off. Then I learned, and conveniently kept in the back of my head, that, all I have to do someday would be to ask God for forgiveness and I would be covered, piece of cake, but for now, I wasn’t going to watch my language, tote a bible, or sing any corny songs.

Like a lot of people, for most of my life, I made decisions I would regret forever. I made life a whole lot tougher on myself than it needed to be, and I blamed everyone else for the way my life was turning out. I looked for trouble and always found it. Trouble seemed to come looking for me too, meanwhile, I could charm the girls, I wasn’t bad looking, I was a talented musician, I was the king of manipulation, I could talk my way out of anything and I would lie just for the sake of lying – I would lie even if the truth was much more interesting.

My mother died when she was fifty-three and my father died just days after his fifty-sixth birthday. Both deaths were heart related. I was forty-six years old when I had my first heart attack and my first three were fifteen days apart. Now, I started to worry. Death was starting to look like a real possibility. Suddenly, I was very afraid; However, I couldn’t open my mouth and pray to God. I knew the way I had been thinking all these years, I didn’t want to manipulate or bargain with God. I wanted my prayer to be sincere and had no idea how to do that.

Suddenly, everything I heard about the afterlife came flooding back to me, and I panicked. I started searching for a plan. I looked into every religion I could think of to try and make a decision as to what I should do to at least get my foot in the door of heaven. I even thought if I could just have a low level job there that it would be better than burning in hell forever.

If I discussed religion with ten people I got fifteen different opinions. This pattern kept getting worse until I was really scared because I knew, with all my heart and soul I looked under every rock. Now what? I spent a lot of time alone on my farm but still could not make myself pray, I knew, God wasn’t going to fall for any of my side show techniques.

When I did finally decide to open my mouth and discuss my situation with God, after a period of weeping, I shifted into feeling very angry. I raised my voice and to the point of being disrespectful to God, I demanded, that I get the truth. I told God, it was promised to me that if I searched earnestly I would find the truth. I told him, I searched hard and became even more confused and my fears only grew stronger. I was very much in God’s face and at that point I thought I didn’t care if he cut me down with a lightning bolt.

At the end of that heated, one sided conversation, I suddenly felt a calm come over me. I relaxed, and my anger left as fast as it came onto me. I did not hear an audible voice but my thoughts spoke to me. I felt very strongly, that I just might have done something right. I thought of the phrase I had heard many times, ‘Unconditional Love’. I thought, how is it possible to offend God? How is it possible, if he is pure love, to make him angry? I had the feeling that he felt that I had shown him that I wanted answers so badly, that I was even willing to stand up to him and be willing to die if I couldn’t have his forgiveness. Turns out, I felt that he thought I must have been pretty serious to take such a risky step. I even had the feeling that it is what is required of us. One thing I learned in my search was to trust my thoughts and feelings.

Later I thought, if a child of mine came to me and told me they had messed up and wanted my help, realizing they were frightened, I wouldn’t care what tone they used with me, I would listen, and do whatever I could do for them.

Beginning right after my confrontation with God, as I continued in my search, things started making sense to me. I comprehended more of what I read and things were quickly falling into place. This new, very comfortable pattern went on for years as I continued to have many more heart attacks. I had ten total, and during my tenth heart attack I had my NDE.

When people say they saw a UFO, or they saw a ghost, they always feel they have to mention that they don’t care what people think, they know what they saw. Well, I do care what people think. I do want people to believe me when I tell them I had an experience, and hopefully, maybe someone will be inspired by my story.

My Tenth Heart Attack – My NDE:

December 21, 2012. The Mayans implied that date would be the end of the world according to their calendar. Well, nothing happened. That day came and went like any other. Not even a meteor shower that we could claim as a sign. Like everyone else, I was disappointed and embarrassed. I remembered what I had told people about this date and thought they must think of me now as a complete fool. So, I didn’t say anything about it to anyone. I think that’s how a lot of people felt, too. No one brought it up afterwards because they had no answer. So maybe if we just don’t say anything about our false predictions this will all just go away and everyone will forget what we had ever said. Kind of like when we pray for someone to be healed, even though it was promised to us that if we ask it will be given to us. When the healing doesn’t happen we have trained ourselves, and each other to quickly say, “Oh well, it must be God’s will”.

Thirteen days after 12/21/2012, on Friday January 4th 2013, I had plans to meet with a cousin at a local smorgasbord. We meet once every year or two when he is in town. I’m a sucker for a good meal and when I do their buffet I over do it every time with breakfast meats. I put lots of ham, bacon, sausage, and scrapple on my plate and return for more. I really enjoy breakfast meats. I know how they clog my arteries, but I somehow always convince myself that I can get away with it just this once.

That evening, my son called and asked me if I wanted to meet him at, the same smorgasbord the next morning. Sure, I wouldn’t miss a chance to meet up with my son and his family for breakfast – I didn’t say a word to him about me being there already that morning. We met and again, I over did it with the breakfast meats. I should have known better because I have had nine heart attacks in the seven years before this, but I have always been a risk taker. I think at this point I have had five stints put in and one of them was put inside another one. After the second breakfast I should have driven myself straight to the hospital and sat in the waiting room and waited for my next heart attack. I made it through the day and just hoped no other relatives would want to go to that buffet any time soon. The answer is yes, I probably would have gone. Don’t judge me.

The next day, the day of my NDE, was Sunday, January 6th 2013. Ironically, January sixth is the day each year that the world recognizes the Epiphany as a holiday (The Vision of God) on January sixth or the nearest Sunday. This was a Sunday morning, so, the entire world was probably celebrating on that day. I, though, was in my kitchen at home and felt pressure on my chest and from experience I knew this was another heart attack. Within moments, I got myself to the floor and asked my wife to call for an ambulance. It didn’t take too long for me to realize that this attack was worse than any of the others. I told my wife that I felt the ambulance was not going to get there in time. They did arrive eventually but I don’t think they realized how bad this attack was at the time. They seemed to not be in too much of a hurry to get me to the hospital. I wanted to tell them we needed to go, Now!!

Eventually they did get me to the hospital and on time, but by then my body was thrashing around like a helpless fish on the deck of a boat. I could not stop thrashing, I had no control. When they took me down for my tenth catheterization, I was still thrashing about while I was being prepped. Sure, everyone kept telling me to stop moving around, but, I could not. The doctor came in and started the procedure and was telling me to hold still. I wished that I could because I really wanted him to get on with this procedure; I knew I was in trouble this time. They obviously needed me to be still and could not sedate me because my blood pressure had bottomed out, and it would be dangerous to put me under. I had nine of these catheterizations and some of them they put me under and some I was awake through the entire surgery. They needed me to be still so they made the decision to sedate me, so they could do their job. Well, it killed me. I was never told that I was considered clinically dead at any time, but, I was. Believe me, I was dead.

I remember relaxing and drifting off into a dark quiet sleep. It wasn’t too long that I woke up. The doctor was doing his job and I was not thrashing anymore. The doctor was talking with his staff and everything was normal. Oh, except for the man standing beside me with his right hand on my right shoulder. I knew his touch was the reason I stopped thrashing. I felt sure that if he removed his hand, I would begin again.

Everyone in the room at this time was different. They had only “good” in them and were genuinely concerned for my health. I mean, no one had any negative thoughts inside them. No evil thoughts were in this world at this time. I realized then that no one is going to go to hell the way we learned in church. The negative inside each of us is going to be in a different place somewhere. When I say these people had no negative thoughts, I don’t mean evil thoughts like killing or raping. What I mean is, they weren’t thinking that it was lunch time and they are going to be late for their lunch break. I knew their thoughts. No one was thinking any negative thoughts, those negative thoughts were in another world, another matrix. The world I was in was good. I knew, though, that I was still on earth and these people were real people, not spirits.

The man standing beside me was, ME! I realized right away that it was pretty clever for God to send ‘me’ to handle this and the reason is, since I had my first heart attack, I was scared and only trusted myself for answers. Scared of dying and afraid of what I had heard about the afterlife if I wasn’t a good person. I have skeletons in my closet, enough said about that.

So, here I am, lying on a table in the O.R. with, I don’t know, an angel? Well it was ‘me’ alright and when I spoke to him I was on the table looking up at him. When he spoke to me, I was inside him looking down at me and I was actually doing the talking, answering myself. I knew his answers were sincere because when I was inside him, I knew his thoughts.

He, or I, said that I was not going to die. He’s only here to answer my questions. He said I had been on the right path in my search but it needed work. I told him I studied symbols and parables and myths and I understand them and have figured them out to where things pretty much make sense to me. I asked him, if he talks to me will he talk straight up and not in symbols? I told him, if you can do that I sure would like to talk with you. I have many unanswered questions. He assured me he could talk straight with me. I had no doubt he was telling me the truth. With a comforting smile, he admitted that NDEers are usually given their experience in symbols. It’s why they seem to contradict each other.

This was only fifteen days after December 21, 2012, and the first thing I asked my visitor was, “What that day was all about?” Telling him, I knew something was important about that date, but that the day came and went with nothing significant happening. He started out by assuring me that I already knew. I rolled my eyes. He reminded me of a zodiac chart. He pointed out that the last ‘age’ was Pisces, the fish. On 12/21/2012, we officially entered the Age of Aquarius.

He went on to tell me that, “Jesus came in the age of Pisces. Fish is symbolic of wisdom. Everything in the gospels involves fish. Jesus made disciples out of fishermen, John the Baptist, the name John is actually Oenus, which means fish. Water is symbolic of truth. If you put water in a vessel it will instantly take the shape of the vessel. Water remains perfectly level, and is totally transparent. Water, cannot lie. Fish are a symbol of wisdom because they live in water. Jesus’ job at that time was to bring wisdom into the world. He did his job and did it well. The Age of Aquarius, according to the zodiac chart is represented by a naked man pouring a pitcher of water out onto the earth. Wisdom is in the world now, technology is through the roof, and people’s minds have evolved enough to be able to handle the truth, the naked truth. There is no longer a need to speak to them in parables, riddles, myths and fables. Jesus’ disciples asked him when he would return and he replied, “When you see the man with the pitcher of water, follow him into the city and I will meet you there.” Mark 14:13

My visitor told me, “The problem is, that it will be hard for people to listen to the truth because of their core beliefs. Their beliefs are so embedded in them that they will not want to hear anything different than what they already believe. This is the meaning of the parable of the people saying, ‘Give us Barabbas. Crucify the Jew!’ This means, people will always rather have their traditions and do not want the truth. They want to believe in unicorns, monsters and that a man can walk on water. Jesus walked on truth, not water. They want to believe that a man spent three days in the belly of a fish and lived. Things on earth do not happen the way they are told in the bible, they are symbolic stories. A man did not walk up to an ocean and open it up and cross over into freedom. The color ‘red’ is symbolic of our emotions, especially ego. Moses separated the Red Sea, the earth’s truth from common sense truth. He parted his ego and was able to find the real truth and be saved. Do you remember ever reading, ’The truth will set you free?’ Being baptized in water is symbolic of being baptized in truth.

Jesus was baptized by John the fish (wisdom) with water (truth) then heaven opened up to him. Jesus also turned water into wine. Wine is a symbol of spirit. He turned wisdom into truth, then he turned truth into spirit.”

He continued, “The story of Noah, before the flood, the bible says there was no rain, a mist came up from the earth. It does not work that way, there has always been rain. A mist represents tiny particles of water, or truth. That’s what we get from the earth, bits and pieces of truth. Then Noah went into the ark (meditation) and the flood came. Lots of truth came to him.

These beliefs have been put in people’s heads by religions with the aid of fear. Religions tell us that if you don’t believe this, you will burn in hell forever. What is a child suppose to do but submit and trust their parents and leaders. There is always an ‘or else’ if you don’t obey.

Religions make God sound like an old man with a long beard sitting around plotting revenge and eventually planning a blood bath on the earth someday. Then they keep saying how awesome is God.

Changing from the age of Pisces to Aquarius is changing from wisdom to truth then spirit will return to the earth, (you)


“When the student is ready, the teacher will come” — Buddha

With his right hand still on my right shoulder the man moved around me and placed his left hand on my left shoulder. Instantly I was uploaded with all the information of the universe. I knew how many rain drops had ever fallen on the earth. I knew everyone’s name, and everything about everyone who ever existed and who is to ever live. I knew, and remembered every thought and feeling each person ever had as if I lived their life. Not only, every person, but every living thing. I knew every bird, every star, and I was shown my life in every tiny detail. Some people who have NDEs are shown their life and are made to feel every emotion and feel every pain that they had ever put someone else through. When I was given this knowledge, I was reminded that I had done a search of the way I had treated people. When I was searching for the truth I re-enacted and made myself remember who I had treated badly. I considered as closely as I could how they must have felt. So, with the man behind me I was not made to re-live that part of my life. I had already taken care of that for the most part. That information was included in the knowledge I was given, but I was not made to re-live it in a separate session.

The important part about being uploaded with all of this knowledge is that even though I forget what was shown to me now that I have returned; now I know where that knowledge is. It is not in a physical or geographic place somewhere out in space. It is inside of every one of us already. It is the collective mind. Heaven is a massive compilation of all of our thoughts, memories and imaginations. I was taken inside of myself and shown this knowledge. I did not go off into outer space.

My visitor gave me an example, He said, “If I were to write the word ‘wagon’ on the black board in a class room, would it be just a word on the blackboard? The moment I write it and you read the word “wagon” the word goes into your head and becomes a picture in your head. One person will picture a red wagon, another person will picture a covered wagon in an old western movie. There will be an image in everyone’s head of a different wagon. That wagon is now a thought and no longer just a word on the blackboard. Thoughts are real and alive. Leave the classroom and later someone may ask you how the class went today and you might tell them about the wagon exercise. They will immediately create an image of a wagon and it will, also, be in their head forever. They will have it filed away and when that person is asked someday what kind of a class you attend, and in gossiping they might say, “Some stupid class about wagons.” Nevertheless the picture of the wagon was spread and it does not matter what that picture looks like in anyone’s head. It is your private perception of that wagon, but it can be used someday to ride on down the streets paved with gold if you want to. The image is in your head and cannot ever be removed. This is the way it is with every word you put in your head, the word is all mighty powerful and with the word you are blessed”.

When we are awake here in this realm, in this physical world, the switch is turned on and we are aware of our surroundings. When we die, or when we are in a proper state of meditation, or when we are having an NDE, the switch can be turned off, and this allows the switch to be turned on, to our collective imagination. Please do not take this lightly, our thoughts are real and we are connected to each other by our mind. When we open a book and read the words, they are only words when they are on paper, but when we read them we put those words into our heads. They then become thoughts and thoughts are alive. They can be used to create later, figure things out, or solve a problem of any kind, or just to have fun with. Thoughts are not only real they are spiritual. A surgeon cannot open your skull and find one thought or one dream or a single idea. Where are they? They are stored in the collective mind. The collective mind is many times more massive than what we call cyber space. We know it’s there but we cannot see it. (Everything in cyber space was also included in the knowledge I was given, even everything that had been deleted, so watch your selfies) Every bit of information that goes into our heads and every daydream is filed away and creates another portion of heaven. We will live in our imagination someday and everyone we know is in there, it is a real world, a real universe, and has been built on since the beginning of time.

We are connected by our mind. Our thoughts are separate from our mind and our common sense is even more unique. When we get an idea, we claim it as our own, not realizing it came from the collective mind. Our ego kicks in with each thought. You might say for example, “Wow, I just had an idea. I just invented something. I’m going to go to the patent office and register my idea so no one can steal it, then I’m going to go to the bank and take out a loan and mass produce my widget. I’ll be rich. I may or may not share my wealth, depends on if I like you or not.” Everything is, ME ME ME!!! We don’t give credit to the mind; we live in our thoughts where we are separate from the mind.

The name Abraham means, ‘Father of a Multitude.’ (Hebrew) The word father in ancient eastern philosophy means, the mind. The word son means, our thoughts, and the Holy Spirit is our common sense. Abraham is the father of us all. The prodigal son has left the father. In other words, here on earth we are basically out of our minds. That’s the way it is suppose to be on earth. We have fallen from grace and have to find our way back to the father. Don’t blame Lucifer for what he did, take responsibility for yourself. You and I fell from grace, not some creepy monster. People in this world are all to blame; we are trying to make this world perfect, like the next world. We think that if we just make another law the problem will be fixed. Problem is, we make it worse instead of better. Then we think we must be in need of another law or two.

How to Read the Apostle Paul in the Bible:

My visitor insisted, “You almost have to read the apostle Paul completely backwards. Just because he says something, it doesn’t mean he means what he says. Paul was never one of Jesus’ disciples. He was never one of the twelve. One of the twelve had to be eliminated. Judas was Jesus’ most trusted disciple. He was the treasurer of the group, and when he dipped the sop with Jesus, that was like a contract between two people. It was an honor to be chosen to do a special job.

The twelve disciples represent the twelve cranial nerves in your head. One of them will deceive you. The optical nerve. Your eyes deceive you. You can’t always believe what you see on earth. Nor can you believe all you read in the holy books if you read with your intellect. You have to read with a different eye. You have to read with your third eye, the pineal gland. You have to see things with your thoughts. (When you are searching and finding truth you will hopefully come to this conclusion) Paul represents the ‘new eye’ that you will be able to see with. He is the replacement for the twelfth apostle. Judas was never an apostle, he killed himself before the other eleven became apostles. So, you must read and understand Paul in a different way. A disciple is a student, they became apostles (teachers) later, according to the book of Acts in the bible”.

Paul was arguably, never even a real person. There is no record of him ever existing. The stories of him too, are alligories. The closest anyone can come to the Paul character in the bible is, Appollonius of Tyana.

Paul is the most favored apostle by Christians. He is the most respected of all the others. He doesn’t show up until the book of Acts in the bible which comes just after the four gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

My visitor went on to tell me, “He, (Paul) use to persecute Christians before he had his experience on the road to Damascus. Christians think, he came to his senses and doesn’t persecute Christians anymore. Not necessarily so! On your search you must persecute Christianity and all religions. Paul, (like myself) had to come to the conclusion that religions are wrong to give people all these rules, and fears, to make their flock obey. Then he was able to see clearly and find truth and saw an apparition of Jesus on the road to Damascus. When this revelation hit Paul, it knocked him off his horse”.

Paul later said, “The things I should do, I do not do. The things I know I should not do, those things I do”.

Christians take these words and say, see? even Paul admits we are all just sinners and we will be for the rest of our lives. This gives christians a free pass to do a little wrong. That’s not what Paul was saying at all, you must read Paul completely backwards. He was talking to the church. I will paraphrase here to show my point. Paul was saying to the church, those rules you place on me, like, I should always say something kind or do something I don’t want to do, and smile, I’m not going to do those things. The things you, (the church) don’t want me to do, like look at a beautiful woman or say a curse word, or even think something I shouldn’t think, I’m going to do those things anyway. I am a free thinker – My thoughts are not going to be in bondage to you or your needless rules”.

I am never going to try to teach what I know to any group. I will gladly offer someone many examples but what I would be helping them with is jump-starting their brain so they can begin to think on their own, and not thinking through the government, a religion, their family, an education system, etc.

People get information from the other side but before they are ready to teach they decide to become a teacher because of their ego. They don’t have the bottom line and their teaching is nothing more than a bunch of rambling. You will even hear them say while they’re teaching, that they are still on the search themselves. The parable of the ten virgins speaks of just that. If you have been given oil, save it for when it is the proper time to use it and not before. In paraphrasing, the story of the ten virgins, means simply, shut up!! It is, also, put to us in the bible that we should not try to cast the splinter out of someone else’s eye before we cast the beam out of our own eye.

It is hard to comprehend, so, do I leave out the part where, while my visitor was with me we were together eighteen years. The doctors only worked on me for about an hour and a half. In the eighteen years, I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t bored, nor did I have to use the restroom. The visitor answered my questions and I asked what I wanted to know without being shy. He assured me that I was going to be okay.

Because of the way my visitor and I had our exchange, when I spoke to him I was inside myself, when he spoke to me I was inside him. I have trouble remembering who said what sometimes. I use to focus on, was that in question form or was that an answer? I don’t try to focus on that anymore, too confusing. When I was inside him I knew his thoughts, so I knew his answers were truthful. The way time was on that day is also confusing to me. I knew somehow that it was eighteen years I was with my visitor but there was not eighteen years worth of sunrises and sunsets, or any other way to determine time. He started out teaching me in ‘real time’ then when he uploaded me with information time changed. It was like eighteen years of education in a split second.

I learned how to read the bible and other holy books:

When I was on my search, I found that everything is pointing me to physical parts of the head, particularly the brain. For example, The Gospels say, “They led him to Golgotha, which is to say, The Place of the Skull.” The temple on the side of your head is the only temple not made by hands. I always enjoyed a play on words and had fun with them. The mercy seat is the collection of very important parts in the center of your brain which are described in the bible. ie, The fornix (the furnace, or the vault, or the tomb) The pillars of fornix (the pillars inside the temple) The Hippocampus (the white horse) the Thalamus, which houses the pineal gland, the hypothalamus, etc. In your brain there is also a Dura Mater and a Pia Mater, Hard Mother and Tender Mother, a.k.a. the holy and the holy of holies. In the tabernacle there are two rooms, the holy and the holy of holies, separated by a curtain or a veil – this is called the arachnoid in your brain, also, called the web. The arachnoid divide the Dura Mater and the Pia Mater in your head.

In Genesis 32:30 Jacob says, “I will call the name of the place Peniel for I have seen God face to face.” Then in verse 31 it says, “then they left Penuel…” Things like this should be attention getters. Is Peniel and Penuel the same as the Pineal Gland in the brain? I found many play on words, too many to ignore.

Rene’ Descartes, Father of philosophy in France, 1596 – 1650 said, “There is one place in the human body where God and soul meet, it’s the pineal gland of the brain”.

Everything in the holy books and all the ancient stories and all of their characters are things in our heads. Mnenosyne, Greek goddess of memory, mother of the Muses. Pegasus, the white seahorse, mother was Medusa, father was Poseidon, king of the raging sea. Pegasus, the Hippocampus in our brain.

So, if the holy books and all of mythology were leading me to physical parts of the brain; I had to wonder what were spiritual things in my brain. I figured that there are three things, the mind, (the Father) our thoughts, (the Son) and our common sense (the Holy Spirit) Slam dunk !!!

I learned that every group of living things in the bible are symbolic of our thoughts, ie, a plague of frogs, a plague of locus, the multitude, our enemies, armies, sheep, the wicked people of Sodom and Gommorah, the children of Egypt, the animals taken onto the ark, etc. This is not limited to the bible; Medusa’s snakes are symbolic of her raging thoughts after she had been raped by Poseidon. She turned herself, into a monster. When her head was severed by Percius, she released the white horse and gave birth to Pegasus. The white horse is spirit. Percius is persistence.

Are things in the bible symbolic? Yes! Are there contradictions? No!

* The bible says in one place to love your enemies. Then elsewhere it says, hate your mother.

* How did Moses write about his own death?

* One gospel says all the disciples were at the transfiguration of Jesus, In the gospel of John, John knew nothing about it. You would think something that awesome, John would at least mention it.

* In one of the gospels it says, immediately after being baptized by John the Baptist Jesus went out into the desert for 40 days. Then in another gospel it says, 3 days after Jesus was baptized he was at the wedding where he turned water into wine. Which is the truth?

~There are no contradictions if you have learned symbols and can understand parables.

~The bible talks about, ‘Dark Sayings.’ Psalms 78:2 and Proverbs 1:6

~God talks to us, (and lots of people in the bible) in our dreams, but we think dreams are only non-sense.

~Symbols are how God speaks to us because it’s a ‘Universal Language’. We say things like; “We shot the bull.” That doesn’t mean we took a gun and killed a poor bull, it means we had a conversation. We say, “She spilled the beans.” Don’t go get a broom, no one spilled any beans. It means she said something she shouldn’t have. It’s how everyone in the world talks. That’s why, and how God an God’s people, speak to us, In parables, myths and fables.

~God is here and is available now! Not after you die. We just don’t know how to listen to him, or see him.

~Would you buy a new car if the salesman gave you a Really good deal but said you can’t have it until after you die? No, of course you wouldn’t, but that’s what a lot of people are falling for when they come out of churches.

~Religions have their place, they keep a half decent order in the world, but they will not, and can not teach you about the, ‘Hidden Manna.’

I look at the stars now and see the same holy scripture:

I will give one example, it gets confusing. The three stars in Orion’s Belt. Say they represent Shadrack, Meshach and Abednego. If they go to the east (their right side), they line up with the star Sirius. Is there a play on words with the word serious? Behind the three boys is a star named Aldebaran, it is a ‘Red Giant’. Red represents our ego. So, if the boys get serious and leave behind their giant egos (Sirius is symbolic of the furnace), which is also the fornix in your brain, they leave behind their giant egos (with the help of their common sense) they will meet up with the ‘Son of Man.’

From right to left these six asterisks represent, Aldebaran, the three stars in Orion’s belt and Sirius and show how they all line up with the sunrise in the east. * * *** * You can see Aldebaran to the west of the three stars, and you will notice it is red.

Using your common sense is easy. The way the story goes in the bible is that the three boys were put into a furnace and they cranked up the heat seven times hotter. When they looked into the furnace later there was a forth person with them, who looked like the son of man. Use your common sense, it doesn’t work that way, what is the story trying to tell you?

Left Brain, Right Brain:

There is so much to say about the clues given to point you to how important it is to understand the left brain and the right brain in the bible. Jesus for example, said he was going to sit at the right hand of the father and he told his disciples to cast their nets to the right side of the ship. Another example is, 1 Kings 6:8 “The door for the middle chamber was in the right side of the house….” Still another, Judah was told in Numbers 2:3 to, “camp to the right, to the east, to the point of the rising sun”, and by the way, in verse 9 it says, “when they counted the number of the children of the tribe of Judah (who were called the children of light) there were 186,400”. The constant speed of light is 186,400 miles per second. Talk about God speed.

My argument is that the left brain is negative energy and the right brain is positive energy. The Quran has the same type of reference to left and right to refer to the people of the hellfire and the people of Paradise.

“Ashab el shemal” “أصحاب الشمال” literally translated to “friends of the left”.

“Ashab el yameen” “أصحاب اليمين” literally translated to “friends of the right”.

The bible uses the clue ‘right’ a lot and for good reason. There is a man named Bill Donahue with a website called where I learned a lot about symbols. Thanks Bill.

When you put what you learn about symbols together, you will find that the left brain represents your intellect, the right brain is your spiritual nature or wisdom. You have a four-fold nature, your spiritual, intellectual, emotional and your physical. They use north to represent your emotional, east is your spiritual, south is your physical and west is your intellectual nature. Numbers are important in the bible, well, in all of ancient eastern philosophy and in the holy books, the number four means your four-fold nature. Shadrack, Meshack and Abednago, are three of the four, the planet Sirius represents the forth, spiritual. The number seven means Divine Intervention. Read the stories after learning about symbols and it makes the story so much more clear. The four horses in the book of Revelation, were red (emotional), pale (intellectual), black (physical) and white (spiritual).

The rider of the pale horse, his name was death. If you live by your intellect you will die, kill, and suffer many things. Well, we all live in our left brain, our intellect, and we are encouraged to develop our intellect to be successful on this planet. There lies the problem. We divorced our right brain and got a little selfish. This is the divorce that God hates. We need to re-marry our left brain and right brain. When a child age one through three is put on Santa Clause’s lap, the child sees the color red as a low frequency and is afraid. After the child is conditioned for a few more years he/she has no problem giving Santa their list of demands. Everything at that point is, ‘me me me!’ Also, when we turn four or five years old what else do you notice happening to us? We realize we are naked and cover up. It didn’t matter when we were younger who saw us without clothes, but now that your intellect has been conditioned enough and you have introduced guilt and shame into your world, now we need clothes. This is what happened to Adam and Eve when they were tempted by the serpent in the garden. These stories are parables.

The story of Adam and Eve in the bible is also teaching us about nuclear fusion. If you remove an electron from an atom, it becomes male energy because it has one less electron. When you take the electron you’ve taken from the atom and insert it into another atom, the second atom becomes female energy because now it has an extra electron. The electron is an R.I.B (Radioactive Ion Beam). You need a catalyst to actually do the procedure and in the case of the story of Adam and Eve, the catalyst is God. This is how life begins, and the male and female atoms can then begin to reproduce. This teaches us that some things should be removed from your left brain (intellect) making it male energy and insert real truth into your right brain (wisdom) making it female energy and the sons (thoughts) born from the re-marriage will become the child of promise. (this is the ten percent we should be tithing to the church, not our money) This is the time you can consider yourself born again. Remember, Moses was born of the slave woman and put on the water, then raised by the free woman. Abraham’s second born son Isaac was the child of promise. An allegory is a parable which names names and places, a parable just says for example, five virgins or the prodigal son, etc.

The apostle Paul says in Galatians Chapter 4:22, “For it is written, that Abraham had two sons, the one by the bondmaid, the other by a freewoman.” Verse 23, “But he who was of the bondwoman was born after the flesh; but the freewoman was by promise”, and in verse 24 he says, “Which things are an allegory…” Paul admits, this story is an allegory.

On a battery you have positive (+) and negative (-) energy and they must work together to produce power. If they are crossed, you have trouble and dangerous sparks. People think we should learn to think happy thoughts all the time. You need both positive and negative thoughts to figure this stuff out. This is the battle of Armageddon. Your thoughts are your only enemies, love your enemies. The male and female had better learn to get along or the marriage is over. Many who have NDE experiences will tell you:’

God is energy.

That has been made clear by many NDEers. But what does that mean? I have always needed to know the mechanics of the universe. My experience took me on that journey. The information I was uploaded with I dare try to explain making me look like a know-it-all.

Many NDEers say they were uploaded but don’t often try to explain. It is difficult. I am a musician, I have a recording studio and I understand sound frequencies. My guardian angel helped me polish my findings during my NDE. As you tune an instrument from low to higher you tighten the frequency. It’s mathematics, if the frequency of middle ‘C’ is 50 then ‘C’ on the next octave is doubled, to 100, the next octave would be 200, etc. If you go up too high only a dog can hear it. If you go too low it is very distorted, like someone experiencing feelings of depression.

The word ‘son’ means sound. The root word son is in a lot of words like, sonic, sonar, resonate, even the word sound sort of has the root word son in it (if you leave out the letter u) The Latin word for son is ‘sol’ – the Italian word for son is ‘sole’ – I like a play on words and can see the word ‘soul’ in these words.

The bible shows me clues related to sound waves. There will be 144,000 saved. Well, there are 144 tones and over-tones in every music scale.

If you look in the concordance in your bible and look up ‘wave offering’ then google it you will see a triangle image of a wave pattern pointing down-ward. If you look up ‘confirmation wave’ you will see an image of a wave pattern pointing upward. If you overlap the two images you will have the star tetrahedron shape, or the star of David. This is God communicating with man.

For the past 15 years you could buy a metal detector that can tell you what kind of metal is under the surface. Metals emit different frequencies and the metal detector can sort them out. Colors emit different frequencies. On a rainbow from bottom up, red is a low frequency and the highest is purple at the top. Same as your colored chakras. Each frequency gets tighter as you go up. Like if you had a pyramid shape colored like a rainbow and each color had ten waves – as you go up the ten waves would get tighter.

This is the way it is with the lower mind. In meditation, or as you are about to die, your frequency level changes and you can enter into your higher mind. In the bible this is, ‘going to the mountain.’

In the winter we lose all the nice higher frequency colors, blue skies, green grass, flowers, etc. and those colors are replaced by brown, dead grass, gray skies, and cold weather. Cold temperature has low frequencies as well. During this time people most sensitive to these changes can be diagnosed with, ‘Seasonal Depression.’ In the spring we have ‘New Life’ and new colors, smells and nicer temperatures that make us feel good.

Somewhere in Islamic teachings, possibly from a Hadith or perhaps just folklore, they also tell about Adam and Eve pro-creating. They kept having sets of twins. The twins were always male and female. The male twins would keep marrying the next female twins who were born. The next female would marry the next male, etc. I had a hobby two winters ago restoring golf carts. I have this a little unclear now but this kind of marriage is how you would connect six, 6 volt batteries to run a 36 volt system in an electric golf cart. You could also generate 36 volts if you wire together three 12 volt batteries using the same pattern. If religions would work together instead of separating themselves from each other the world would be a great place. The negative, low frequency energy we emit out into the universe only serves to divide us.

I have always enjoyed working on engines and like to restore old cars. I am a pretty good mechanic. In my search I wanted to know the mechanics of how some of these things work.

Heaven is the collective mind and the collective imagination – and my guardian angel describes why we all see things differently in his account of the ‘Wagon Exercise.’

This allows for people to experience many different accounts including God himself. Some people go to one world and some people go to another.

When the bible says, God made man in his image – according to my experience I take that as God made man in his imagination. No one is wrong, the left brain intellect demands details and answers. If someone has and experience it is real to them and if someone else’s story differs they must be wrong ???

Three questions…

1) How do you experience absolutely every thing in this world? Answer: With your mind and your thoughts.

2) If you go to hell how will you experience absolutely everything there? With your mind and your thoughts.

3) If you go to heaven how will you witness absolutely everything there? With your mind and your thoughts.

There is nothing in this universe, or in the next universe, but the collective mind, and the collective imagination.

Simply think something and it will manifest. I do not know what state I was in at the time of my NDE. I did not flat-line and I was not considered clinically dead. The people in the room would have been acting a little different than they were if I had flat-lined. I know my blood pressure had bottomed out and I was sedated when I shouldn’t have been. My arteries were clogged and I wasn’t getting the blood flow I needed.

I definitely had my mind. I knew all of the thoughts of the people in the room with me. They had no negative thoughts, those thoughts were in another world. I am glad I didn’t enter that other world in my experience. In my opinion, that would have been hell. An entire world, or a universe with nothing but negative thoughts and energy. Even with the excitement of knowing that I knew the thoughts of the people in the room with me, I focused on the conversation I was having with my guardian angel visitor.

When you go on a search for God, the last thing you want to do is to go to a bible scholar. A scholar has studied the bible with his left brain intellect and does not have many solid answers for you. The less education someone has on the bible the more I would listen to what they have to say. I know I am not adding many foot notes and references to prove my case, and also, I know how arrogant this is going to sound, but “I am the source of my information.” You are the source of your findings if you trust yourself and let no man on earth be your teacher.

When I woke up after the surgery and spoke to my doctors, I told them that I wanted to go home in the morning. They about had a cow and emphatically said, “No!” I told them I would sign myself out against medical advice if they didn’t release me. I knew I was going to be fine. I told the doctors I wasn’t going to take any medications anyway, or switch to any kind of a special diet. I wasn’t going to follow any advice, I was just going to get back to my normal routine; except maybe not overdoing it with breakfast meats so much anymore. I didn’t want to be argumentative with the doctors because for one thing they saved my life. I knew, and they reminded me of my condition when I arrived at the hospital. I was just assured by a higher power that I would be, “okay”, so, I trusted in that. I’m writing this now a year and a half after the experience and have not taken any of the prescribed heart medications. Yes, I will die like everyone else someday. When I do, I will enjoy the world of my/our imaginations and memories where everyone I ever knew who died before me will meet me there. I no longer have a fear of dying. I want to help people who really want help. I’m not interested in some of the drama from a lot of sufferers.

A Healing:

About twelve weeks ago. I met my friend at McDonald’s at a half way point between his home and mine. His phone interrupted our lunch but he had been waiting for an update on his ex wife’s condition. It was his step son. He got the update he had been dreading to hear. His step son said they were told she would probably not make it through the night. He still loves his ex wife, long story. He left and spent the night at the hospital and stared at her in a helpless coma.

Next day, I called him to see if she is still with us. She was, but my friend was pretty upset. (He and I had been talking about my NDE for the past year and a half) As we were talking he ask me what he should do. I spit and sputtered and said I don’t know, how should I know!! He raised his voice at me and said, Gary, I think you do know what to do.

That hit me like a ton of bricks, and stopped me in my tracks. I paused for only a second. I began to speak from my gut, and I had no idea what I was talking about. I said to my friend, Ok, she is in a coma, she’s not dead. At this point, I said, she is allowed to decide if she wants to go into the next world or return to this world.

I told him that she can hear you. Hold her hand and ask her if she wants to pass over or if she wants to return. I said, and make sure she responds and gives you an answer.

He told me later that he did that, and she did respond, and let him know she wants to return to this world. He did not tell me how she responded.

I told him, ok, she has to focus on this world, and you have to help her to focus on this world. I said, touch her knee and say this is your knee. Touch her nose and say this is your nose, etc.

A nurse came into the room and asked him if he was some kind of a faith healer or something.

Long story short, she came out of the coma, she’s home now, she’s on facebook and on the phone, talking and laughing with everyone. She has a long way to go to continue recovering but she’s alive and well and my friend thinks I walk on water. Everyone is happy 🙂

I am not trying to teach you WHAT to think, I am trying to show you how the ancients tought people HOW to think. Use your own common sense and try not to believe in unicorns. The answers are already inside you. If you follow or depend on anyone on earth for the answers, you are going to spend a lot of time getting more and more confused.


Did you enjoy reading this? Was this food for thought? Please leave a comment below and hopefully the author will reply.


NB: The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, or any of its bodies. 




Have You Met “You”?

Have You Met “You”?

To see a world in a grain of sand,

And  heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

And eternity in an hour.

William Blake – Auguries of Innocence



Have you met you?


For the past week I have wanted to write about a new topic I feel God laid in my heart and every time I started to write I honestly felt God tell me to stop. He always said, “do not write about something you know little about. I will teach you what it really means to see yourself, not what it means to see your reflection but what it means to have reflectivity”.


After 5 days of fasting and praying I am fairly confident that I have a better understanding of the difference.


During my week I was reminded a few times of what it feels like to be hurt by someone really important to me, someone I placed a lot of value on. All my little confusions came back and I was quite devastated but amazingly God reminded me of a particular scripture that quickly changed my view to a lesson to be learnt.


Matthew 7:5 “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye”.


Jesus was not talking to just one person he was talking to everyone, he also taught a similar lesson when he was with the woman accused of adultery  and the crowd wanted to stone her to death in John 8:7 “ When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”


It is my understanding that Jesus was not saying that sin was good and did not deserve to be punished, he was simply pointing out the deep level of hypocrisy that lies in the heart. The false view we all have for our selves. We had failed to see ourselves for what we really are.  I believe the day we truly meet ourself will be a life changing experience for anyone. This to me is what first leads to true conversion.


Romans 3: 9-12 “There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands: there is no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.”


I realised that just as this person was hurting me again, I have also hurt many people in the past. You see one of the most amazing parts in life with God is that you will never stop learning. You will be refined all your life. You will have to come face to face with yourself several times and just like Paul, you will inevitably not like what you see, unless you are blocked by denial.


Romans 7:18-20.” And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it”.


You see one of the most amazing parts in life with God is that you will never stop learning.


James 1: 2-5 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”.


The real question assuming this is true for every one of us  “And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature”. How will we ever see ourselves for the evil that is really in us if all we do is use our mirror image (reflection) to judge?


The only solution to this is what can be termed “reflectivity”. This simply means to see yourself as others see you. If you are really serious about change in your life, ask the people that really know you. Ask the people you have hurt or are still hurting and ask the people that really love you.


There is a big difference between what we think we are and who we really are. If you are one of the many people I have met that go around deceiving themselves saying or thinking that just because you have some concept of what your weaknesses are then, this does not apply to you. You think “well I know what is right even if I don’t do it”.  You have missed it totally for you still lack knowledge of what Gods love is meant to do in you.


James 1: 22-25 “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirrorand, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.”


I don’t know about you but when I read this and meditated on it I noticed that it says “not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.”


James 1: 26:Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.


You see true reflectivity comes from beyond seeing yourself from the eyes of people around you but even from people you have never even met (imaginative others). What kind of writer would I be if I wrote a book for just my friends? It has to cut across; people who have never met you should be able to learn from you. Isn’t that what the bible is about? When Jesus says in the bible “you were told” he was very often talking about laws that were given 14 centuries before his time. Some where laws God gave Moses and others were man-given. It was really interesting to learn that he never once spoke like it was a law of the past. He spoke like Moses told them a few hours ago.


Finally true reflectivity or the emergence of a true view of one’s self comes from being able to evolve constantly. Remember you will never be perfect but according to the bible Psalms 51:17. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart These, O God, You will not despise.


This is what ultimately creates uniqueness and imaginative accountability ( i.e being accountable to people beyond what you see around you).


I believe that if you can do this (see yourself for yourself), you will be more accommodating of people. It is the same principle that works with Alcoholics anonymous (AA) or eating disorder groups. They are bound and show love to other members because they know that they are all weak.


This will help you get one step closer into actually learning to obey what are the two foundations of faith.  Matthew 22: 36-40 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”


Seeing yourself helps you appreciate God’s mercy, it helps you understand the sacrifice and it also helps you truly love your neighbour. Since the fall of Adam we have been bound by this common problem. This however can only be done with honesty. If you fail to be honest with people at least in your private time be honest with yourself.


May God grant us all the courage to meet ourself and the humility to ask for his help in life.





Nameless Song

Nameless Song

She’s staring’ at me,
I’m sitting, wondering’ what she’s thinking’.
Nobody’s talking,
‘Cause talking’ just turns into screaming’.

And now I’m yelling over her,
She’s yelling over me.
All that means
Is neither of us is listening,
(And what’s even worse).
That we don’t often even remember why were fighting.

So both of us are mad for Nothing’
Fighting for Nothing
Crying for Nothing

But we won’t let it go for Nothing’
(over our dead bodies)

I know sometimes
It’s going to rain…
But Love, can we make up now
‘Cause I can’t sleep through the pain
I know there is nothing to gain.

Love, I don’t want to go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don’t want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).

And it gets me upset, Love
When it seems you’re constantly accusing of not caring.
(Asking’ questions you should know the answer to).
We’re fighting this war, baby
When both of us are losing.
(This ain’t the way that love is supposed to go).

What happened to working things out.
We’ve fallen into this place
Where you aren`t backing down
And I ain’t backing down.

So what the hell do we do now…
Is It all for nothing

Fighting for Nothing
Achieving Nothing
But we still won’t let it go for Nothing
(No not for anything)
This should be nothing, we`ve seen too much together.

Love, can we make up now

Love, we’re gonna be happy.

Forget what love felt it should have been, live in love now.
Searching in love lost dreams will get us nowhere.


Grab onto what you have now

And I know we will go the distance

I need your hand

Let me lift you up

Take you to places you`ve only read of

Treat you the way you truly deserve

Spoil you with things you might never need

Fill your ears with words the fill the heart

Kiss you till you can`t feel your feet

Drive my hands through your hair and lift your soul higher than eagle’s wings


We`ve got to let go

Let it all hang out

Give me yourself with no reserve

Give you the love you deserve


No more angry words

No more reservations


I might not have done enough to win your heart

But I have done enough to win your ears


It`s time to really end the fights

It has to be all for something.


NB: I dint know what to call this song. Suggest names in the comment section of this page. This song was originally written in 2009 but never published until now.

May You Find Love

May You Find Love

Even though she never needed, wanted or asked for it. I gave her my heart, I gave her my soul, and I gave to her all the love that I hold within me. I gave her my respect and understanding. I gave her my compassion and my passion; I gave her faithfulness. I gave her my laughter; I opened my heart like never before and let her know my fears and insecurities, my strengths and weaknesses.  I gave her my dreams and made her dreams mine.

I gave her my encouragement and my undying belief in her. I made her my future. If I could love her forever, that wouldn’t be long enough.  All these things I give to her freely, willingly and without regret, because of my love for her, and they shall always remain hers for no-one else is worthy.

But I know now that I have to try hard to move past her, because of the way she affects my everyday thoughts. I know that I have to quit hoping that I will ever get to hold or kiss her again. I don’t want to wake up anymore, in the middle of the night, thinking about her and not being able to get back to sleep.

The feeling I get in my heart drives me to the point of absolute insanity for now I see her without me. I need to fill that hole in my soul that I carry with me, from losing her, but I know that it will never go away. Love doesn’t work that way.

I need to know what it takes for me not to see her perfectly made face in my heart every time, even when she is not around, I still see her as if she is sitting right next to me. Oh! her beautiful smile, exquisite laugh and perfect body. My heart remains lifeless at the thought of permanently losing her smile, the sound of her laughter, her tears, her scent, her belief in me, her encouragement and the unending compassion that lies in her heart.

You see, I finally learned what real love is and the pain it can bring, and that real love is defined through her every day smile. If you ever find that ability to love and care for someone that much, where each waking day is better than the previous one only because she is still a part of your life, and no matter what happens or what your station in life is, be it rich or poor, love given or withdrawn that nothing can change your heart, because you love someone unconditionally then and only then shall you truly know where real strength and love come from.

I wish God found me worthy to be the head of her heart but I can’t take back what’s in my heart or all the feelings that go with it now, or the fact that every good thing I am today or was capable of becoming, I owe to her and leave with her. Real love is a rare and wonderful thing, and as with most rare things, very hard to hang on to and believe it is truly yours.

It’s not just saying the words; it’s when you cradle that person’s face in your hands and look them in the eyes as your heart beat races and say to them “no, I really mean it, I truly love you”.

It is knowing that the absolute worst thing about dying would be missing her and not being able to see her anymore. It is about indefinable understanding regardless of situation, life’s changes or whatever she does, so that every day is like the very first time God showed you mercy and blessed you by putting her in your life.

It is knowing that you listen to your heart and follow it, because you know that there is nothing stronger or more powerful than the unconditional love of another. It can bring you to heights unimaginable, or it can slam you so hard that you think even living isn’t important anymore. It’s about believing because it’s such a hard thing to keep.

I write these feelings and words down in the hope that anyone seeing it knows what true love is when they find someone who sees them as beautiful when they don’t even try, amazing when they don’t feel it and perfect when they know they are far from it or forget it. It will put the feeling of success in your heart; to know what an amazing feeling it is and how free it makes you feel if you can only embrace it and count yourself lucky. It’s like being able to fly without actually leaving the ground; not many people ever get to truly have that and even less enjoy it for life for love is sometimes fleeting. I know in my heart that I have lost one of the biggest parts of me because the hurting never goes away; it will always be there but it helps to make me a stronger person in some ways

So whoever reads this know that if you ever find someone who loves you as much without you having to change yourself first, keep it in your heart and lock it away and keep it there for eternity and beyond. Don’t be afraid to enjoy it reflect on it and to tell other people, Take your time and appreciate the scale of how loved you really are and count yourself as God blessed because it really is the one real and true thing that we can have in our lives that can guarantee a great family, a great life and a life of real purpose with absolutely no limits. Watch as everything else gently starts to pale in comparison and your life brings with it a new direction as it heals and forgives all.

Love long, hard, and forever and If you are yet to be blessed by the undying unconditional love of one may an inextinguishable love find and accept all that is you; bad and good, forever and ever in all conditions.



Story Of My (Love) Life

Story Of My (Love) Life

Skinny. Nerd. Wimp. You name an insult, I’ve probobly been called it. It doesn’t help your confidence when you have every reason to not be. But, as is in every man, the allure of love found me. So here I was, in fourth period math, thinking of  (let’s call her) grace. She wasn’t the prettiest of women, but I didn’t care . We had been freinds for some time, she was smart, funny, and, as Matt ruff once wrote, “when you see through love’s eyes, anyone can be perfect.” and so, there I was, daydreaming of spending the rest of my life with her. But there’s another thing wrong wih me: I have social anxiety. I wake up in the morning super pumped, and I walk up to her ready to ask her to date me, and then I run away like a coward. So one day I told myself “no more” and I decided that “hey, in fith grade, I had a girlfriend for a week, how much harder can it be?” And I was right. And I walked straight up to her, and I asked her the question. I can’t quite remember what i said, because right after I went into a frenzy of excitement, and from then on, I never doubted myself again. So every morning, take a look in the mirror, and say “hey, i am a human being. I know what I want, and the only person out there who can get me what I want is me, so I’m GOING, to live this day, as best as I can” once even a sliver of confidence finds its way into your head, anything is possible.

My New Old Story (A Love Song)

My New Old Story (A Love Song)

MY NEW OLD STORY by Dami O-Aliu (Second song attempt)


As I watched my lady sleep

I felt her pulse race

My heart skipped a bit

It’s an age old story

like beauty and the beast

An age old song

But never told like mine

No one can feel this



Give me your hand

I’ll give you my world

Show you everything

Stronger than the perfect storm

We’ll stand together

Burning through it all

Hotter than summer

Made to never weather

Built to last forever


Thoughts running everywhere

Much like my hands all over your body

You have never known passion like what I ve got now

Man reborn

Spirit rekindled

Teach you new things that would shock even me

From top to bottom

Feel every nerve

Even ones you dint know you had

Get all excited

Its a trusted hand




Give me your hand

I’ll give you my world

Show you everything

Stronger than the perfect storm

We’ll stand together

Burning through it all

Hotter than summer

Made to never weather

Built to last forever



Oh baby

Let me get your head right

Get things looking tight

Give you a new reason to brag

Show you what passion really means

Get you all excited

Seeing old things new

Feeling all things gone

Trust this kid

Never before

Trust this old new hand

Sing you my New Old story


Chorus X2:

Give me your hand

I’ll give you my world

Show you everything

Stronger than the perfect storm

We’ll stand together

Burning through it all

Hotter than summer

Made to never weather

Built to last forever


Oh baby, let me sing you my New Old story




NB: If you want to use the lyrics or sing the song. Feel free to leave a comment asking to.


Daddy’s dark smile  (Living a lie)

Daddy’s dark smile (Living a lie)

Daddy’s dark smile (song on living a lie, written at the request of Samuel Ishie)                         

Beautiful angel

Light of the world

I look in my daughters’ eye

Crying to daddy wondering if she will be alright

My little light

Today is here again

I cant hold this pain

Feels like I am in chains

If only you looked close you would see it in


Chorus X2

Daddy’s dark smile

Daddy’s dark mind

Where daddy stays a while

Where daddy cries a mile

Yet it’s hidden in

Daddy’s dark smile


Another day just like the day before

Need to be brave

Can’t let it make me a slave

I feel another closing door

Want to let it go

Can’t take it any more

I lay on the floor

Hoping maybe today I won’t feel so sore

I can’t think of me

My baby needs me

Cant let her see my weakness

Only let her see her uniqueness

Daddy must keep smiling


Chorus X2

Daddy’s dark smile

Daddy’s dark mind

Where daddy stays a while

Where daddy cries a mile

Yet it’s hidden in

Daddy’s dark smile


Baby come in

Hold daddy’s hand

Daddy will smile for both of us

Till you are ready to smile on your own

All my love I will throw

All my strength I will show

This can’t be the end

Something good, God shall send

All you have to do now is look at


Chorus X3

Daddy’s dark smile

Daddy’s dark mind

Where daddy stays a while

Where daddy cries a mile

Yet it’s hidden in

Daddy’s dark smile


NB: Not a true story but written as a challenge. Picture is Sacred Angel of Comfort by Terese Nielsen (Very good artists, check her work out).



Adams Prayer

This is the prayer I assume Adam (of Adam and Eve in the bible) would have prayed to God after he and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden.  It’s just a bit of rhyming for fun.


Dear God almighty

Last night I wore a nightie for the first time in my life

I feel a new pain like a knife to my heart

I want to blame the woman you gave me

But when she first came all i saw was art.

I never thought she would be the one to pull us apart

Ever forgiving king

I cling on hoping that one day you can take away this sting

Its spring now

The suns out today

but there is no sunshine in my day

I miss the days when all was nice and gay

Forgive my wife lord she was a victim and prey

We pray to you lord hoping there is a chance you will turn even for a quick glance

Please change your stance lord

Dont leave us to die by the sword

Revive us

Helps us thrive once more

Protect us as you once did

Just as a father would for his kid

We were your pride

You never left our side

Yet all we repaid you was shame to your name

Our days are now numbered

When we die maybe we might be remembered

But till that day lord even if you can’t forgive this one

For all you gave and what we have done

Forgive our sons and daughter now and forever more

Restore our generations

Build a new nation

With no more rations or conditions

If you ever loved us then honour our one last request.

That all the nations might look to you and be blessed

With this last request

We bow our heads

And honour the God Head






Same day different thoughts

I sit hear remembering the first poem I ever wrote.

Oh those youthful days full of hope,

Full of love

Full of endless zeal

What has happened?

I am a shadow of my former self

Self confidence replaced with self pity

Zeal replaced with despair

It now feels wrong to hope

Feels false to grow

I want the old me back

I am losing myself one day at a time

Help me get it back

Losing track

Where has my smile gone?

Not the smile of “things could be worse” but that of “the world is my pedestal”.

Is this what growing up brings?

If this is it then I chose to not grow any longer.

I see my end now

When all I saw was my beginning.

I am giving all of me to everything yet still falling short

Caught in my own court room

Looking for a new bloom

My face like a costume

With a view to a future consumed.

I tell myself everyday

It doesn’t have to be this way

Hope never left

Smiles were always here

And when I start to doubt that which I should know

I hear my babies cry and I know

I look in their eyes and I feel

Only a fool cant see

In them I see my future

I see my past

I see my present

In my family I see myself as I once was

In them my heart truly beats for this world.



Can you die of a broken heart?

Can you die of a broken heart?

Can you die of a broken heart?

I guess it’s quite a deep topic. A few days ago I read the paper and saw an article about a woman that was married to her husband for over 70 years. He was her high school sweet heart and until the day he died they were un-separable. He was 93 years old when he died and then a few days later (3 days after) she also passed away.  As I read this article the inquisitive part of me came to life and I started to ask so many questions came to mind.

The first one was about their love. I looked at the 2012 statistics for England and wales and it showed

There were 13 divorces an hour in England and Wales in 2012
• Women were granted 65% of all divorces
• 9,703 men and 6,026 women aged over 60 got divorced
• One in seven divorces were granted as a result of adultery
• 719 (less than 1%) divorces were granted because of desertion
• The average age at divorce was 45 for men and 42 for women
• 9% of couples divorcing had both been divorced before
• 48% of couples divorcing had at least one child aged under 16 living with the family
• It is expected that 42% of marriages will end in divorce.

In the USA about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.

How did they manage this feat? How did they stay in love for so long? Did they worry about the same things our present generation do? Did they ever fall out of love and needed or worked on falling back into love? What about commitment? We know that love and commitment are not the same thing so how did they manage this? What was their story?

You see, I wondered these things because I was recently married. I loved my wife and we had been blessed with kids but both my wife and I were from broken homes. Both our parents were separated. In my case they were married for over 20 years before the separation. I was curious and afraid because I wondered if it could happen to me.  I just wanted to learn from their mistakes if possible and gain from the now deceased couples experience if applicable.

As I researched couples another question came into my mind and this question is the reason for me writing just now. It was a questioned that appealed to the hopeless romantic in me. Did she die because it was her time to go or did she die from a broken heart?

You see the thing is if it was a one off story then I guess it would be more likely she did for any number of reasons besides a broken heart.  Now let me ask you a question, Is this the first time you have ever heard or read such a story? Is this the first time you read a story about true love and the second half dying shortly after the first?


According to Dr. Holly S. Andersen, “The answer is yes. A traumatic breakup, an extreme argument or experiencing the death of a loved one can elicit the release of stress hormones that can trigger a heart attack in people prone to them, induce a life-threatening arrhythmia or cause a syndrome that mimics a heart attack in otherwise healthy hearts.”

Another notable quote is from Shauna Springer: “One hallmark of couples who have passed into the ‘soul mate’ phase of their marriage is that they continually bless and inspire others through the way they treat each other and those around them. Another hallmark is the ‘widower’ effect – when two people become one, it is often the case that the death of one is closely followed by the death of the other. This isn’t merely romantic nonsense propagated by Hollywood movie-makers – this actually happens with notable frequency for closely-bonded pairs.
Source: Shauna Springer, Ph.D. “Soul Mates Do Exist – Just not in the way we usually think…” 7/28/2012.

I am a big believer of research and in it comes as no great surprise that two people can form a bond so strong that when one dies the other could lose the will to live.

Separate studies involving thousands of couples in Scotland and Israel concluded that the risk of death among widows and widowers surges anywhere from 30 to 50 percent during the first six months after their beloveds pass [source:Dahlstrom]. After that initial period of bereavement, the statistical risk of death diminishes [source:Martikainen and Valkonen]. (See hyperlinks if you chose to read more)

One of the most prominent cases is that of Minnesota couple Clifford and Eva Vevea who were ‘hopelessly in love’ for 65 years of their marriage, died within hours of each other.

No matter what people say to you or tell you it is possible to die from a broken heart but that does not mean that you cannot chose to live.  A way to understand or think clearly is to ask one simple question. What would my other half have wanted from me? If they truly loved you (and I guess they probably did) then the answer would inevitably be that they wanted you to live. Another thing to bear in mind is that most studies looked at people aged over 50 years old so it is not clear if this applies to younger people. Now I have to take a stance at this point and be clear on the fact that I am not saying that it doesn’t apply to younger people. I m just saying that there aren’t enough studies to conclude that it does.

My post has to do with true love. Not someone leaving you, not the normal day to day part of dating but the real deal. The type people sometimes spend their entire life looking for.

I am writing this just in-case there is anyone out there that has just lost someone they loved, their soul-mate. I want you to know that what you feel is true, it real and it is possible to still live for those you have left. I do not write this because of experience but because in some cases just knowing that you are not insane helps. Cry out to the people around you because you can die of a broken heart.






“Life is neither good or evil, but only a place for good and evil”.

Marcus Aurelius

What is Morality? Why does this topic even matter? What’s so special about having a moral reference point?

Morality is from the Latin moralitas which means “manner, character, proper behavior”. It is the differentiation of intentions, decisions, and actions between those that are “good” (or right) and those that are “bad” (or wrong).

I believe the issue of morality is very vital as man in general is born blank (i.e not racist, immoral and no idea of what good and bad consists of) and can be socialised into violence or a number of ideas. This obviously also raises questions on the right way to raise a child, the right process for rehabilitation for the criminally convicted and so many other questions. 

The problem with the question is in the definition. Who or what determines what is good or bad? Who says what is acceptable and what is not?  

It is no secret that morals can vary from person to person and culture to culture however many are practically universal, as they result from basic human emotions.

A few years ago I came across this problem in a public forum between Christians and Atheists. The topic that was raised was not necessarily one on morality but one on a divine deity and its responsibility towards the starving folks from third world countries.


Though my topic has nothing to do with my previous discussion, I feel it might be necessary to repost it for the sake of clarity.

The post read as follows:

I have read a number of views here from both Atheists and Believers especially with regards to starving children in Africa. 

First of all let me start by saying that I am African, born, bred and raised in Africa. When we speak about Africa and its problems you must understand that God has nothing to do with it. Africa is one of the richest places on earth. Our people believe that we did not develop so many things in the past because there was no need for it. as necessity is the mother of all inventions. Africa has an abundance of food and in cases where there isn’t there is the land which is rich and fertile, we have good weather so there is a lack of need for massive structures and prior to colonialism there was respect for animal life. We did not kill animals except for when it was needed. Africa in a lot of ways is the cradle of life for the world.

The problems in Africa are complex but I can assure you they were not caused by God. They were started by colonialism, extended by slave trade and have continued by racial discrimination. Every single one of these is caused by men such as myself. When Barack Obama became president it was a big deal that a black man was elected. This feeling was not developed by God it was done by people. African presidents who were taught corruption by colonial masters have for centuries plundered and stolen its resources for their own good and starved their own people.

 Africa is in trouble because of people and not because of God. God by nature has given us free will and as such will not deny us of the consequences of our choices. When a king/president rules with terror do the people not suffer? 

Look to yourselves and see if you ever learnt anything from the 1st or second world war. Millions of people died. Did God cause this? How about global warming, Did God cause climate shifts?

More important than blame what have you done about it? I can honestly say that in all my years in Africa I have never seen one so called NGO or charity asking for £3 a month to help children ever.

I am happy for the girl that got to go to Disney land but I also know that even in the bible God did not always come down from heaven himself to make a change in the life of his people. He sent someone to deliver them. Look at Moses, Nehemiah, David, Habakuk and Jesus (who walked as a man).

To my fellow Christians be careful not to miss what that really means and my fellow Atheist be careful when speaking about things you really do not understand but have only seen from the media. God has nothing to do with problems in Africa. Africa is damaged by people. To borrow from a saying “Guns dont kill people, people kill people.

When you refuse to feed others when you have enough, you have starved him (not God), When you refuse shelter to a friend, you have made him homeless (not God). God answers prayers through people in a lot of cases so do not say he doesn’t. I have so many testimonies to share but not enough time as I am only passing by.”

In retrospect the post read more like a vent than an educated ramble but it still raised the question of morality.  Who determines in your life or in the life of the people around you what is Good and what is Bad? Maybe if we can solve this we can solve the problem of human responsibility and maybe make the world just a little bit better.

Is morality determined by man (as an individual), society (collection of men), emotions or by a divine moral reference point.

Let’s examine the problems with the first one.

 Morality defined by man:

The whole course of human history may depend on a change of heart in one solitary and even humble individual – for it is in the solitary mind and soul of the individual that the battle between good and evil is waged and ultimately won or lost”.

M. Scott Peck

 If the definition of what is right and wrong is determined or left to be determined by you or I then what we are essentially saying is that anything outside of myself cannot determine if what I have done is right or wrong.

I guess morality is a philosophical discussion more than it is a scientific one. If morality is defined by a man then ultimately does this mean that if that said man feels that it is morally right to beat a dog till almost death as a teaching then he is right? What does this bring?

In essence what we are really saying here is that if Thomas Smith decided that he wanted to beat his child as a sign of love (maybe in his own way he feels that if he corrects a mistake today it is unlikely to happen again tomorrow). Would you say Thomas Smith is morally a “good person”? After all Thomas Smith is doing this because he feels he is being good to the child.

What if it wasn’t so destructive in nature? What if all Thomas Smith believed was just as he was born without clothes, he feels he is right to walk around without clothes? As man ages so does his preference. A very powerful quote that explains this can be taken from a man called Paul who once persecuted and killed Christians but later became a Christian himself and suffered the same persecution he himself had met out to countless others.

Pauls famously explains the ever changing nature of man in 1st Corinthians 13:11 “ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”

 Also as important in morality as defined by man is the question of the Will of man. What happens to his Will?

Albert DeSalvo (A serial killer) famously said “It wasn’t as dark and scary as it sounds. I had a lot of fun…killing somebody’s a funny experience.”

The problem of morality as defined by man is even clearer in the case of Peter Sutcliffe where he also famously stated “The women I killed were filth-bastard prostitutes who were littering the streets. I was just cleaning up the place a bit.”

If he defines/determines morality and in his mind he was doing the world a favour; is he morally wrong? How about TV’s most beloved serial killer “Dexter Morgan”? What he morally right as he only killed serial killers?


Morality defined by society:

How about morality as defined by society? In order to even discuss this one must start with culture. In the simplest definition of culture, it is the way of life of the people.  Culture is man developed but more importantly collectively agreed. This means that just because Samantha jones likes to run around her neighbourhood naked, it does not make it the culture of that society. It must be done and agreed by the collective to be so. Culture in a lot of ways is similar to language. It is mans distinction from animals or the beasts of the fields. We (Man) have managed to create structure where it ordinarily won’t have been. This has sometimes been done for the survival of the species and other times for sexual satisfaction (not implying that these are the only two reasons).

Regardless of why a culture started, it brings in some really important questions to the table. A good way to explain this is to look at certain societies both past and present. The first that comes to mind is pre abolishment of slave trade. For the most part certain societies in the world (developed societies) believed that it was okay not just to own, rape, force labour but to kill at will as it was their “property”.

This was a society that did not even treat dogs that way at the time but seemed okay to do this with humans. Were the owners evil or was it society that defined it? Clearly it was society as now that the mentality of this has changed (even though racism still strongly exists) it appears that so also has society.

How about the Holocaust? Was that society or man? In modern times there is a society/village in Papua New Guinea that accepts cannibalism as a way of life. Are they “morally right”? After all it isn’t a crime to eat other humans there? Is the argument for morality as defined by society also based on location (we know cannibalism is not legal in the USA or UK)?

Also importantly is the fact that the only thing that is really constant in life is change and just as we all know now, Slave trade is no longer legal. Society has changed its mind on it, same as being gay. This means that society can also change its mind on other aspects. If Society changes its mind on its stance on Paedophilia, does this make it right?  Do you see the problem with morality when defined by society? Can we also customize/manipulate society through public propaganda so morality can also be changed (Just as with Slavery and Homosexuality)?


Morality defined by God (Spiritual Deity):

Let’s look at morality as defined by God/Spiritual Deity. The first and most obvious immediate problem with this is “Which God”? There are many extinct polytheistic religions that man never heard about simply because they died out before man invented written language.

In Hinduism alone, there may be as many as 330 million gods. Some religions worship a pantheon; some religions believe that there is a god in each of us or that we are all a part of a god. There are potentially billions of gods if you follow this system.

Even in religions that agree on a singular deity that deity still differs. It seems like the search for the one true God from an educative perspective will take more than a few hundred life times to know the truth and even then I think if viewed by the same rigidity required for scientific hypotheses to be determined a “fact”, mankind will still come up short.

Now lets see if possible to go away even for just a bit from that problem of

“What God first” and take the assumption that there is only one true God. Lets for the sake of conversation say that this is the God of Abraham/Ibrahim (please notice I did not say Christian or Muslim). I use the God of Abraham simply based on the fact that this is the only time that Christians and Muslims agree on deity and they represent the largest religious sect in the world.  Every thing after that simply becomes a disagreement. Unlike “morality as defined by man” and “morality as defined by society”, there is some hope here. First of all in order to be a God, God cannot change which means that his stance on good and evil can not be speculative. God is totalitarian (This is found in the definition of being a God), this means that he has a clear distinction on what is classified as good or evil and this combined with our previous point means that the reference point in theory will be eternal. He has no beginning and no end and is seen as the creator of mankind. This means that he is ageless and timeless.

Even with those being major positives it is also difficult to move away from the fact that God seems to exist through a spiritual consciousness (I am also not saying it is impossible that God is physical) but very often when people talk about hearing from God they are very often not speaking physically. This means that it is impossible to avoid the problem of “manipulation”. 

I can presently think of 9 examples when this has been a problem

1) Human sacrifices in Buddhist Burma (over 500 bodies found)

2) Members of lndia’s Thuggee sect killing over 20,000 people a year (estimated to have killed over 2 million people) to appease the goddess kali

3) The Mountain Meadows massacre by a group of Mormons and Paiute Indians (120 men, women and children).

4) The Medieval Inquisition is a series of Inquisitions (Roman Catholic Church bodies charged with suppressing heresy) from around 1184 which tortured and killed thousands (true amount uncertain).

5) The witch trial by Puritans that settled in Massachusetts in the 1600s (20 alleged witches were killed and over 150 others imprisoned).

6) Roman Persecution of Christians (Christians were rounded up and killed. Some were torn apart by dogs, others burnt alive as human torches. This lasted over 100 years). The death toll also in its thousands if not 100 thousands.

7) Aztec Human Sacrifice (over 20,000 sacrifices a year). The sun God needed daily sacrifices of blood. This also is estimated to be in its millions.

8) Islamic jihads (holy wars), mandated by the Koran, killed millions over 12 centuries.

9) Thousands of pagans murdered by self proclaimed Christians not including the crusades killing an estimated 1 million plus people.

A few famous quotes on good and evil when decided  by a spiritual deity include.

“God did not create evil. Just as darkness is the absence of light, evil is the absence of God.” 

― Albert Einstein

 “In each of us, two natures are at war – the good and the evil. All our lives the fight goes on between them, and one of them must conquer. But in our own hands lies the power to choose – what we want most to be we are.” 

― Robert Louis Stevenson


 Finally just before I end this introduction to this very controversial topic and give you a chance to share your thoughts. It seems like no matter what route you chose in defining morality or picking a moral reference point. There will always be the issue of manipulation.

Manipulation very often has a negative connotation to it and in fairness there are genuine reasons why this is the case. However, it is performed daily by almost every one of us and every sector. Think of your local McDonalds for just a second. Have you ever gone in and the music is slow paced just like your pricey restaurant? Even the music is designed or put to create an atmosphere of fast food. Lets take another look at the shelves in a shop. Do you think the ready made meals and the drinks are next to each other by chance? Think about your favourite political speech. Do you think it was not tailored or designed to elicit such a reaction from you? Think about a theatrical preview of a new movie. Is it designed to get you to watch it or not to?

Maybe all of this sounds sinister, Lets think about the first time you went after a person you liked (obviously I say this on the assumption you are a well balanced person). When you went on that first date? The clothes you picked or even dressing up for an interview. Were you seeking a particular response?

So can we say knowing fully well that we use it to survive and it is actually a vital requirement for successes in this present age that it is wrong to be manipulative?

They are all attempts to control the variables in our environment to suit a response in which we find favourable. It affects a person’s free will and choice and when people are really good at it we know them as social puppeteers. Prostitutes use this, politicians use this and religious leaders use this.

Or do we excuse ourselves as well that it is okay as long as we determine it to be  (morality as defined by man), maybe according to society (morality as defined by society) or maybe as long as my religion says its fine (Morality as defined by Spiritual deity).

 No matter which one of the three we (people) chose to live our life by, it is arguably more dangerous to not have a moral reference point so this remains a question that requires an answer. Maybe the answer is in the question, maybe its not. Maybe you know an answer. I sure would love to read your thoughts on it. So please share your thoughts, don’t just read and go. 



A long way to go home but he will hold us all

A long way to go home but he will hold us all

I spent a long time thinking about what to write here and I felt that it might be better to write from the heart based on exactly how I feel.


I don’t even know where to start in praising God for his favour in my life. It’s like every thing I touch and ruin, he blesses and every time I fail him he forgives.


In the last few weeks it can easily be said that I have learnt to fall and get up. To pray for forgiveness repeat a sin and still pray knowing that God is my every present help and if not for him I won’t be here. I have seen that I need to forget about all I have done and how every sin I commit nails him back to the cross and think about what he already achieved.


Please do not mis-understand this message. I do not claim to be a perfect man in Christ. On the contrary, I claim to be quite the opposite. It with intense humility and pain that I write and acknowledge that just like anyone that might feel that he has squandered his inheritance like the “prodigal son” in the parable of Christ. I too am an unworthy “co-heir” with Christ. My imperfectness still astonishes me. His capacity to forgive and set straight to crooked road is beyond my comprehension.Now I have only but a faint grasp of the song “What manner of man is Jesus”.


I have not failed by lack of desire in that I am truly successful but through lack of action I am but rags. If my desire made me righteous then I am rich but my actions lead me into wretched poverty. If you are reading this please understand that this note is not about me. It is not even about you and all you might or might not have done and whatever sorrow and deep gutter you might be in. Lift you eyes and see what I saw. It about a real experience with a God that never see’s you as less. It is about the favour and forgiveness that comes from knowing a “loving God” that never judges a repentant heart.


In all my transgressions, my father has never left my side. In all my failures he has never departed me and now I truly see that the love of God knows no bounds. His love puts me to a shame that makes sin even worse to accept and the guilt that follows indescribable. I have nothing of personal worth that I should boast of now. Not even a single thing that men think are worth anything yet through the love that God has shown for me I know that my steps have been covered before I can even conceptualise my journey.


I bring to you the only hope we have of a future and a present. The gift of Christ’s sacrifice for a person like me. A gift that “whosoever believes in him will have ever lasting life”. This is not a tale from a book written from generations ago. This is the very story of my life till this very day. A story of Gods undying love and compassion for a dying and unworthy son and just like David in the psalms I am in awe that such a God could be mindful of man. Who are we father that you would take notice?


I could sit here and try to awe you and excite you just like in a multi million dollar movie with stories of Gods goodness or I can hope that whoever reads this note knows that the writer speaks deeply from their heart about a love that can only be understood when felt.


I have made many mistakes in my life and because of the ragged body I will still wear till the day I meet the one I put all my hope in. I know I might still fall even again but the one thing I know can never be a mistake is accepting that I cannot save myself. Heaven knows I have tried in the past and failed every time without exception. I cannot be my own messiah for in the chains of this body sin lives and no matter what I do only God can bring me peace.


I thank everyone that has been with me through my somewhat boring journey of faith and would like to say that I am a life that was saved. God found me through you. One person in particular who has always kept me humble through it all and made the love of God real in their own very unusual but special way. May God bless you, keep you and give you all your hearts desire. May the spirit of the lord never depart you and bring you a future that shows how blessed he has made you. A life time is not enough to show how much it has meant and will always mean to me. Ten life times is not enough to show you just how much you have given for the lord. Even though you never knew you did.

Broken Hearted

Broken Hearted

Like shattered pieces of Porcelain

I picked up the fragments of my heart

Oh the feeling of love

Here today, gone the next

One taking you high enough to soar with the eagles

The other dragging you by your hair

Leaving you to be ridiculed by your emotions

Self-pity mocks me, sadness knows my soul

Loneliness knows me by name

Reaching deep into the very depths of my heart

Burning through my spirit

Like a wild fire feeding on the Village homes

Leaving me in a void of desperation

My shattered heart forced to heal

Hope whispered in the distance,

To recover my lost love.

But I know I must move on

Hold the pain and embrace as I do my own beating heart

Maybe then life might make a little more sense.

I will find a way

Indeed I will

Someway, somehow






Wisdom from the Yoruba Kingdom translated into English.



  1. A great affair covers up a small matter.
  2. A man with a cough cannot conceal himself.
  3. The first morsel never complains of insufficient sauce.
  4. A proverb is the horse that can carry one swiftly to the discovery of ideas.
  5. A stammerer would eventually say father. After we fry the fat, we see what is left.
  6. Anyone who sees beauty and does not look at it will soon be poor.
  7. As long as there are lice in the seams of the garment there must be bloodstains on the fingernails.
  8. As there is guilt in innocence, there is innocence in guilt.
  9. Ashes always fly back in the face of him who throws them.
  10. Because friendship is pleasant, we partake of our friend’s entertainment; not because we have not enough to eat in our own house.
  11. Covetousness is the father of unfulfilled desires.
  12. Fear a silent man. He has lips like a drum For no man could be blessed without the acceptance of his own head.
  13. Gossips always suspect that others are talking about them.
  14. He who eats well speaks well or it is a question of insanity.
  15. He who throws a stone in the market will hit his relative.
  16. ‘I nearly killed the bird.’ No one can eat ‘nearly’ in a stew.
  17. If something that was going to cut off your head only knocked off your cap, you should be grateful.
  18. If we stand tall it is because we stand on the backs of those who came before us.
  19. If you damage the character of another, you damage your own.
  20. If you don’t sell your head, no one will buy it.
  21. It is a thief that can trace the footsteps of another thief on a rock.
  22. It takes a whole village to raise a child.
  23. Many words do not fill a basket.
  24. Medicine left in the bottle can’t help.
  25. No one can uproot the tree which God has planted.
  26. Nobody knows the mysteries which lie at the bottom of the ocean.
  27. One takes care of one’s own: when a bachelor roasts yam, he share’s it with his sheep.
  28. One who waits for chance may wait a year.
  29. Only what you have combated for will last.
  30. Patching makes a garment last long.
  31. Silence is an attribute of the dead; he who is alive speaks.
  32. Stretch your hands as far as they reach, grab all you can grab.
  33. The bell rings loudest in your own home.
  34. The butterfly that brushes against thorns will tear its wings.
  35. The hand of the child cannot reach the shelf, nor the hand of the adult get through the neck of the gourd.
  36. The man who has bread to eat does not appreciate the severity of a famine.
  37. The person who forgives gains a victory in the dispute.
  38. The person who has been a slave from birth does not value rebellion.
  39. The pot-lid is always badly off: the pot gets all the sweet, the lid nothing but steam.
  40. The young cannot teach tradition to the old. The young cock crows as he hears the old one.
  41. Those who die through ignorance are many; those who die because they are intelligent are few.
  42. Truth came to market but could not be sold; however, we buy lies with ready cash.
  43. We must blame the thief first before we say that where the owner put her property improper.
  44. What you give you get, ten times over.
  45. When hunger gets inside you, nothing else can.
  46. When the door is closed, you must learn to slide across the crack of the sill.
  47. When the rain falls in the valley, the hill gets angry.
  48. When the white man is about to leave a garden for good, he wrecks it.
  49. When wood breaks it can be repaired, but ivory breaks forever.
  50. When you stand with the blessings of your mother and God, it matters not who stands against you.
  51. When your neighbor’s horse falls into a pit, you should not rejoice at it, for your own child may fall into it too.
  52. Where you will sit when you are old shows where you stood in youth.
  53. Words are like spears: Once they leave your lips they can never come back.
  54. Work is the medicine for poverty.
  55. You cannot shave a man’s head in his absence.
  56. You can’t stop a pig from wallowing in the mud.
  57. You must be willing to die in order to live.
  58. Work is the medicine for poverty. (YES THIS IS REPEATED TWICE BECAUSE OF HOW IMPORTANT IT IS)








In this message Peter Pretorius describes his life story how having being a tobacco farmer and formula one driver his life was remarkably changed. Peter and his wife Ann literally left everything to pursue the call that God had for their lives. They also head up an aid organisation based in Africa where they feed, clothe and educate over 1 million children a day. Peter and Ann spearhead evangelistic crusades across the continent of Africa. 




NB: This message was originally recorded in Destiny Church Edinburgh on the 12 Sep 2006 and all copyrights belong to them and the speaker.



A letter to a broken family (By Annonymous)

A letter to a broken family (By Annonymous)

Good evening Family,


As a new month comes into play and old things go into the past, it is with a heavy heart I am writing this letter. I have decided to no longer just keep silent and watch as things destroy and are irrevocably lost but to speak up. I think it is time.


In the unexplainable web of family rivalry, bitterness, mixed truths, sadness, despair, depression, tears, hatred and conflict.  I want to start by saying that just because I have taken the decision to speak up please never let it be said that I have taken the moral high ground or I have somehow put myself as “holier than thou, riding on the proverbial high horse”. I only speak because even though it is seen as an old fashion concept I still believe in “Family”.


Writing this is actually bringing tears to my eyes and I am not speaking figuratively.  I cry out to God over my family and the life of every one of us. I write this from my heart and I hope that somehow just before the new month starts it gets to each and every one of you just in time.


A few years ago on a holiday trip to England. I attended New Wine Church in London and amongst everything the pastor said. I have held one thing closest to my heart. He said “just as God has given us free will and an ability to do just as we please, so also will he not deny us the consequences of our choices”.


In other words “We are where we are because of what roads we choose”. There is always more than one way to re-act to every situation.


You see the thing is, In the error of youth I believed that just as long as a human being is not mentally incapacitated or emotionally blunt his/her attribution of self-inflicted hardship has no excuses. What I am trying to say in simpler words is that “If a man has 2 eyes, 2 legs, 2 hands and 2 ears then whatever situation you find yourself financially is your fault and yours alone. I soon found out this was not an absolute truth. Getting out of a situation when you have put your all into it has as much to do with hard-work as it has to do with timing. I had spent countless frustrated hours feeling emotionally drained and physically exhausted because I believed that I failed because I kept making only “bad” choices and so focused so much on the perceived failure that I missed the opportunities that was present in every situation.


One thing you sad Dad that I would always remember is that “If you were born poor it is not your fault but if you remain poor it’s your fault”. For decades I have watched as individuals blamed their surroundings for the circumstances in which they found themselves, they have blamed God, their children, their wives, their husbands, their government, their family and even their children but have always managed to be too blind to see their own inadequacies.


Do I speak of one person when I write this? No I do not. I am not excluded. If anything I might even be the biggest culprit of it all.


I believe that every human being is beautifully and wonderfully created, but most importantly that they are armed through life with the ability to make rational choices (not easy choices but rational choices).



There are a few ways in which I could address all the ongoing issues. I could start by taking the road of pointing out who is telling the truth. This road of pointing out inadequacies and faults is one we have always taken but have never gotten any result. We could go on and say “Mr this” should never have said or done whatever to “Mr and Mrs that” but I think our catalogue of faults as a family are more than I am willing to write or go into. It is honestly a miracle that no one has killed someone else. We have all been hurt “very deeply”  by each other and the scar from wounds of years ago still show up every day.


We could also go one to take the approach of saying to everyone that they should all just apologise and move on but what good is a half apology or one in which we do not know or accept we did anything wrong. In other to learn from our mistakes one must first of all acknowledge that they have made mistakes. Do we accept that we have all made mistakes? I guess this is a question that only you can answer.


I would like to start by saying that I know I have and I am sorry to anyone I have hurt in the process especially in my youth.


The final option is taken from a biblical principle taught by Jesus over 2000 years ago when a woman was about to be stoned to death for being a prostitute by a crowd of people. Jesus calls out and looks to the congregation and says “Let him without sin cast the first stone”. So I say this to my family, let him without sin cast the first stone.


Let the person that knows they are innocent of all sin be the judge of all. If you have sinned against your family in whatever way either as sons, daughters, mothers or fathers then I beg you not to throw stones in glass houses.  I know how hurt everyone is but the problem is that EVERYONE IS HURT AND NOT JUST ONE PERSON.


It is time for peace and a turnaround but this must first come from a heartfelt acceptance when we cannot ignore the hurts we have caused others. I know there were times I disappointed the whole family but only self pride will keep me from knowing that everyone was affected but my decisions and not just myself.


Everyone one of us starts every argument (Please have no delusions about this, everyone does this and does it very deeply also) or disagreement by talking about ourselves, How it affects us, how we feel, what we wanted to do, what we did and how we do not want something.  In the role play of our individual lives we are all victims of life.


It is time to stop thinking about how things affect us but how it affects others. I know it is easier said than done and I don’t think it will be easy but I promise you all it is worth changing or fighting for. Life is more than just how we feel or what we want or even our own happiness.

For me, it is now about my family’s happiness. I live for my family and know life has no real meaning until we live for others. Take a look at Nelson Mandela, we do not celebrate him because he was the best man in the world but because he lived for others, same with Jesus.


My family we are not victimsWe are the causes of our own hurts and there is only one solution.


Love is the only choice we have, Love can build a bridge between our hearts. Love can overcome all the sorrow, the pain, the countless days of tears, the days you wished life would depart and the depressions we felt.  Love will be our bridge and don’t you all think it’s time?


When we stand together it is our finest hour. We can do anything. I write in tears because I still believe that in between all these there is still love somewhere. Please do not prove me wrong or just a dreamer.


In the presence of darkness only light can overcome it and when light comes darkness cannot comprehend it but must give way to a stronger being at the expense of itself. Let love be the light the fixes all darkness.


1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version): If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


I think it is time. I put myself on the line to say let our last name be more than just letters but something that unites us. It is time to let go not because you were not hurt, not because you are not right to be hurt but because it is time to let go.


We have lost almost a whole decade as a family. Who can remember the last time we all smiled as a family? I have only a fading recollection of this.  Time lost can never be gained so let’s not lose anymore. Let it be now.

I know we must all follow our paths but the best way to do that is to know what path we are presently walking on. My family we have gone astray and a lot is lost but not all is lost.


I do not write this to chastise or for self regret. I only say we made mistake because it’s about the road that gets you to a place where you finally see yourself for what and who you are and lose all sense of false self grandeur. The day you weep your eyes out because for the first time you really see your flaws and you realise that just knowing what they are means nothing if you continue to do nothing about it. That day “our” world takes a new shape. That day friends and family that have stood by you mean even more; “everything becomes an opportunity”, a second chance to get things right. That day maturity grabs you by the throat and becomes your best friend. You finally dissect yourself accurately and on that day self-pity leaves your side and self-action takes its place. Blame departs along with loneliness and new life takes its place.


That day you realise that even though your life and options aren’t what you want you learn to take the highroad (not your way), maybe you do this because you learn to look at everything as a lesson, or because you don’t want to walk around angry anymore hoping to rationalise life, or maybe it is because you finally understand the cards that are laid before you.


In life there are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept. There are people we can’t live without, but have to let go and that there are things we don’t want to know or face (often about ourselves), but have to learn.


Doing something about what we already know is our fault is the real difference.


I have learnt that failing to see one’s own inadequacies is one of the biggest handicaps a person can have and to not see that ensures the real cause of a problem is never addressed.


It sometimes makes me sad that in a lot of peoples situations they need to go through sadness to appreciate happiness, they need to cry to know the value of a laugh and they need to lose a loved one to appreciate the beauty of life. They need to search for love to know never to take it for granted. This to me is one of the greatest tragedies of the human condition but ultimately it is what makes us human and not divine.


I present love as choice and just as I mentioned earlier it is one in which if we chose not to accept God will not deny us of the consequences just as any other choice in life we make.


Yes! We all made mistakes but falling down when trying is not failure it is just a learning curve and should be seen as one. It can be difficult and frustrating to fall but this is also a good thing as the deeper the pain the more you want it. This pain is good and I can honestly say take heart, it gets better. This fall should never be allowed to be the reason to give up. This is just part of life. Life will throw you curve balls and we do not always get to pick what happens in life but we do get to pick how we deal with what is thrown our way

My family what values do we place on each other? The time for talk is long gone. It is time for actions.


I do not want to end this on a low as a new month shall shortly begin so I would like to say this in the form of two quotes.


When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
― Paulo CoelhoThe Alchemist



“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must of felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life.
” Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, ‘Wait and Hope.”
― Alexandre Dumas


Best Regards




Music (Just Chill)

Music (Just Chill)

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This page is for the music lovers everywhere. Feel free to just chil and enjoy our music selection. Please feel free to leave any feedback about our music selection.

Happiness is Success (By Destiny Sunrise)

Happiness is Success (By Destiny Sunrise)

Last night I hung out with and I had the longest and most meaningful discussions with my friend Joey. Honestly I have never talked until the sun came up in a really long time, which was really nice. I’ve only known him for a few months now and I’ve never connected with anyone so real and so passionate, and free spirited in a really long time, years maybe. Someone who thinks like me and wasn’t scared to open up about the deepest and most meaningful things in life. And I’m not one who opens up to just anyone but some how he just gets it. We talked about how people take life for granted and how life is way too short to not do the things you love with the people you love most. How education is so different, people worry about getting a good grade rather than actually learning. I talked about my life as a child, growing up, my life struggles, my father, school, art, losing myself, finding myself, losing myself again, friends that come and go, my first love, pets that I’ve lost, pretty much everything that I’ve ever been through for the past 21 years. How sometimes I can be both sad and happy and me not understanding how that’s even possible. I felt a little embarrassed saying that but when he said “no I get it, it makes total sense because I to feel and think like that”

I really was amazed and can honestly listen to him talk for hours. He mentioned how music is pretty much the most amazing thing created on this planet. How artists are geniuses to put a meaningful song together, with a beat, and touch the souls of thousands around the world. Which I can agree on. He opened up about his family how he drank, smoked, and did drugs to try and forget the awful things that he’s been through that I don’t even want to mention in this post. How he moved from SF LA Vegas New York to try and escape it but no matter where he went he still felt the same. Alone. How he’s tired of being betrayed by so many people that he loves, I can only sit and listen and admire everything because it’s true. People will hurt you. But it’s up to you to decide if they are worth fighting for. You can’t make someone love you, and sure as hell cannot make someone stay. If they want to leave, let them. Two people come to mind thinking about this which we talked about, my father, and a boy I onced loved. I can only forgive and wish the best for them and hope they truly find happiness. I told him how my father chose drugs over my mother and sisters and I, and how he just recently had another daughter with another woman so I basically have three sisters now. for me family is my number one. I told him how I don’t know where or who I’d be without my sisters. I love those girls to death. Literally. They are my everything and have given me strength I didn’t even know I had. How my mother and I never use to get along but now we understand each other through every thing.

We talked about how people are so caught up with the materialistic things, and how they don’t even notice the beautiful simplicity around them. How people are so caught up with technology and can’t help but be on their phones every minute. How at get togethers, dinners, etc everyone is just on their phones and cannot even hold a conversation with someone. How life is a constant update. I guess you can say its old fashioned but honestly I like it that way. It really opened my eyes because I was really caught up in this. I asked him if he had an instagram and he just replied with ” No, and I’ll never get one, or a snap thingy, Facebook, nothing. I hate all that shit.” Holds people back. ”

He mentioned how he’s even surprised he’s opening up to me about all these things and all his thoughts but I just said the same. How trust is something so rare now a days that it’s almost impossible to ever fully TRUST someone. But then again that goes back to being let down so many times. I just reminded him that there are good people out there, everyone’s afraid, and everyone just wants to be happy, successful and loved. I said people are so afraid of getting hurt they rather leave then actually face the problem and work through it. And that’s what we humans lack. People give up way too easily.

I told him we’re young, this is life, people come and go, it’s going to be hard at times and it sure as hell won’t be easy,
Nothing is going to be handed to you and if you want something you go and get it, there may be lots of no’s but there will be one yes. People need to love and just be kind to everyone around them because everyone is going through some kind of battle, every person I meet is beautiful in their own way. We are all human. Peace and love really saves on this earth. Just remember that you have the ones you love and the ones who love you”

He said “If you are happy you are successful”

There’s so much more that we talked about but it’s 12:36am and I have work early in the morning. So I’ll write more in my journal.

I just know I’ll never forget this night. Another beautiful human I’ll always remember.





As the new year begins. All of us at would like to say thank you for visiting our site, thanks for the comments and we wish you all a wonderful, prosperous and magnificent new year.



The most beautiful woman in the world (By Dami O-Aliu)

The most beautiful woman in the world (By Dami O-Aliu)


When I was 18 I dreamt a dream

I dreamt of a lady

A woman so strong she feared no man

A mother so true she would do anything for her family

A priceless jewel

A timeless heart

My Queen

My Wife

Its been a year since we promised forever

I can’t believe how time flies

Feels like just yesterday we met

Feels like just a second ago we fell in love

I love you now even more than when we first met but less than I will tomorrow.

I know I don’t deserve you

Sometimes I doubt the existence of God but with every breath you take I know he must truly exist

Who else could have made someone so beautiful

Someone so caring

Someone so kind

Someone so tough

Someone so strong

You are a blessing to me

You are my pillar, my strength and every time I doubt myself you are always there to set me right

I have so much to say but even the words seem insufficient.

I have no idea where or what I would be if our paths never crossed.

I am only grateful you took a chance on us

You not only gave up your heart for me but also gave me our angels.

My life is better than I ever dreamt it could be and finally I can say it and it be true.

You complete me

When we started our journey a year ago I never knew two would become four in just a year.

Angels from heaven through an angel on earth.

My Angel, My wife, My best friend, My everything and more

I promised you forever and forever is exactly what I will give.

On this special day, our first of many more years to share.

Every time I think I love you as much as I could, another day comes by and yesterday never compares to tomorrow.

I just want you to know that the earth has never had a wife so good or a mother so true.

We love you now and forever.


NB: Dedicated to my wife on our first year wedding anniversary



Jury Duty (1)


Ideologies separate us, dreams bring us back together

When I was only a few years old I started to ask myself questions about life. I wanted to know everything, the evolution of man, the differences in skin colour, creation of the earth but as I grew older my questions became more specific. Like what motivates us? Who are we? If not who are we then why are we the way we are? Why are we the same yet so different? Why are we (i.e humans) here? This eventually led me to pursue psychology as a first degree.

I wanted to know everything so I read about religion, not an in-depth reading but a fundamental understanding and just as each religion provided solutions they also raised questions. So I looked at science and that just seemed to complicate things even more. What was I to do?

Then a few years ago it hit me. The problem wasn’t the information I was getting but the way I was interpreting it.

This might be a little complex to understand but I will try to simplify it as much as possible. This is something I think I can term Multiple Directions theory (MDT) I realised that as I was being fed different information about different causes my brain almost quite automatically kept some aspects of the information (each theory) without necessarily synchronising it as a whole. The more I tried to synchronise it the less sense it made. My only option was to either build a hybrid theory (mixture of the two) or discard every information obtained and start again.

Maybe an example might help to explain this a bit better. If I was to explain a flight from Aberdeen to Amsterdam and I start to go into details as to how the pilot controls the aeroplane, the engineering mechanisms involved, the aeroplane speed and what makes it glide successfully, what altitude then I suddenly tell you that it goes out of the earth close to the moon, then down again directly into Amsterdam.

As a whole you should discard my theory and want nothing to do with it as you might be aware that intercity planes don’t fly out of the earth’s atmosphere but subconsciously your mind would have recorded the parts that make sense. The next question would be filling the gap/ the missing information (not starting again).

The next assumption is when you hear another theory that supposedly provides a different view of a flight from Aberdeen to Amsterdam. Your mind might seem to process the information as a whole, but in reality what we do not know is that we are processing this information in relation to our previously accepted information and trying to correlate them (It’s like hearing to different witness testimonies and trying to find out what parts are the same). Ideally as a rational being if a story is not totally complete and consistent it must be said to lack validity and reliability but I appeared to disregard that rule and piece things together based on my mixed information. This is something we are not aware we sometimes do

This basically means the more we hear, the more explanations that are provided. The less correlation we would be able to make and the further away we get from the answer we previously set out to get.

We do not realise that our confusion is not always necessarily brought about by the inability of each explanation to define a situation holistically (in wholes rather than analysis or separation into parts) but by a lack of synchronisation from the little parts of “accepted” information.

This view is in many ways different from the Gestalt theory (is a theory of mind and brain that proposes that the operational principle of the brain is holistic, parallel, and analogue, with self-organizing tendencies; or, that the whole is different from the sum of its parts, The word Gestalt in German literally means “shape” or “figure”) in psychology.

I feel I must at this point state that I do not disagree with the gestalt view of a holistic approach but I do think it applies more to visual situations than mental cognition.

Our perceptions are more individualistic and units related than we consciously realise. This can be found in situation where we say one thing and do another.

All I am trying to explain in simpler terms is that the way we interpret the information we receive is what forms our understanding of the world, it determines what we believe and what we act upon. Not the information we receive, so take a moment and realise that sometimes our interpretations might not be right even when the information is the same. It will help you avoid conflicts and lead to greater self-development.

When we mis-interpret information it often leads to mistakes that we sometimes blame ourselves for. Think of how many questions you answered wrongly during your educational development that you know were because you dint read the question right (interpretation) and how many times you blamed yourself for it.

Don’t be afraid to take a minute to re-think of an answer you think without a shadow of doubt to have gotten right. You just might have interpreted the question wrongly.

Build you competence by being willing to go back and take another look at what you think you know. Things are not always what we think they are. Trust your instincts if you have good ones. It sometimes helps.

In order to explain this properly let me draw from an experience I recently had. I tried to write about this as close to the end of the event as possible for two main reasons

a) I could not legally talk about an active case when I am a member of the jury until it is over and

b) I wanted to make sure it was as fresh as possible in my mind.

For anyone who does not know how a jury works or what it is let me give a short and hopefully clear background story.

First of all, a Jury (in the UK) is simply a 15 man or woman panel made of what society will term as responsible members of the community selected randomly to listen to possible evidence about a case in relation to the accused brought forward by the procurator fiscal (crown/city). Their sole responsibility is to decide on if an accused is guilty, not guilty or a not proven charge can be applied. In the United Kingdom as well as many civilised societies it is the responsibility of the procurator fiscal to prove beyond reasonable doubt the guilt of an individual and not the accused responsibility to prove his innocence.  This means the onus of proving a charge lies on the crown/state/procurator and not the defence.

In order to decide or be a member of the jury there are a few things expected of you for the court to accept it was a fair trial.

a) You are not allowed to be biased (i.e race, age, sex, dressing, haircut etc cannot play a role in your decision making).

b) You must not bring in your own prejudices to the court either from experience or otherwise

c) Speculation or hear say in any form is not tolerated in the court which means you cannot assume an explanation to anything unless given during the process of evidence.

d) If the accused remains silence it cannot be taken as guilt.

e) Testimonies of expert witnesses such as doctors can only be taken as the presence of something and not evidence that the accused committed the crime.

g) There must be two or more corroborating witnesses that the just decides to be credible (truthful) and reliable (given a true account of what happened). This simply means there must be mutual corroboration.

h) A witness cannot corroborate themselves. i.e if witness A tells witness B what happened and the witness B is called to the stand, their testimony is the same as witness A and so does not provide mutual corroboration.

I) In a case where there is only one witness and so saying no mutual corroboration there is an exception to the rule in order to establish guilt. This however must be done with serious care. There must be at least two victims in which there is a similarity in method, timing, process used and the two witnesses must be seen as credible and reliable. In order words if for example a child is raped in a corner by a man by the strict sense of the law we only have the childs eye witness testimony against the man. There needs to be two or more victims with very similar events, similar methods and similar timing to the point in which it cannot be disregarded as a coincidence. I must admit I had difficulty believing that an event must have more than one victim if there is only one witness but this is the law as we were given.

J) Only established facts are acceptable.

H) The absence of a particular piece of evidence does not mean the presence of its opposite and vice versa (example is just because someone is not sad does not mean they are happy).

My jury duty experience lasted over 3 weeks and was made up 15 members of society (including myself). We did not have an equal representation of men and women as were made up of an odd number nor did we have an equal age representation as we were randomly selected. The case was details are irrelevant in the lesson and also I am not so sure if it is against the law to state it.

As with any case the procurator fiscal gives a statement then the defence gives the same statement. The onus to prove guilt is on the state and they need to be able to prove it beyond reasonable doubt. One of the most amazing things about my experience was that on day one after just hearing the opening statements with no evidence whatsoever. People had already formed their opinions of the case and the defendant’s guilt.

As this was my first just duty experience I assumed that this was normal. After all “do we not form our opinion of a person within the first few seconds”. The only thing is, I assumed that this would change after a while. I assumed that people will wait and see what the procurator brings to the table and then use that to determine his guilt when compared to the defence’s alternate version of the story. Little did I know that I was extremely naive in this thinking or maybe the best way to put this is that I was the only one that shared this version of thinking. Somehow as the days passed by it seemed like people used their own person experiences to come to a conclusion about the case, now I must hasten to add that this was not what everyone felt but what a good number felt. They spoke about experiences as a child, divorce experience, experience raising a child and even experiences at work and somehow seemed to attribute guilt and innocence based on this. It seemed as if our ability to independently judge a situation was impaired. Almost like hypothetical thinking was either none existent or we just would rather not consider it.

Even to the point that they decided that certain things mentioned in the charge but lacking any evidence or even mention by the procurator fiscal or defence were also assumed to happen. I learnt two very important lessons in this.

1) Changing a person’s mind is a very hard and difficult task and in some case even when multiple contrary evidence is present it still does not seem to register. It took the presence of a judge to discard some charges as there was no evidence mentioning it before people actually seemed to consider it. The charges dropped from about 15 charges to about 7 charges by the end of the trial and even then some members of the jury felt that even though there was no evidence or mention of those things, it still should have stood.

2) People seemed to prefer to believe the worst in a person before they take a second to see if there is any good in that person.


These two things made me realise certain things for my daily life.

1) Never take the importance of making a good first impression for granted. It takes a lot more to change a person’s mind.

2) Never forget to take a second to rethink something you seem to be absolutely certain about. It is very possible you have used your previous experience to make that judgement

3) Objectivity is not as natural as we think. Subjectivity seems to be the more natural of the two. It takes effort to remember to be objective.

4) Be careful when you make judgements about people. It might not matter to you but it might matter to them.

5) Rules (such as the rules for make a decision as a member of a jury) matter very little when making judgements about people. Somehow our bias seems to come into play. It is very important to be aware of this.

While a lot of the members of the jury were willing to reconsider their initial judgement when they realised that a man’s freedom was a stake. There were still two or three people that did not even want to reconsider and actually became defensive and took the case personally. They even questioned the judge’s decision to drop some charges even though they knew there was no evidence to support the charges or even a mention of it. This brings me to my final point

6) No matter how hard you try to change a person’s opinion about an event or about you. Sometimes it just does not work. They have their own opinion no matter what happens. Do not waste time on this. Do your very best and move on. Life is too short.

You see in that funny and unfortunate experience I realised that life is not always decided on what we do but what others think about what we do.


The Power of Perseverance (AKA Grit)

The Power of Perseverance (AKA Grit)



The Power of Perseverance (AKA Grit)

Life is messy. Grit and grace come at us fast, side by side. Sometimes the grit becomes overwhelming and diminishes our spirit. What’s good seems lost and gone forever. This is a story about the pathway back to what’s beautiful, when the way back seems impossible.”
Sharon E. Rainey, Making a Pearl from the Grit of Life


I have spent a good part of my adult life fascinated and dreaming about success. I have very often wondered what makes a man a success in life? I guess this might seem like a vague question especially when the term success is used but let us for a second try not to get hung up on the word “success”.


I know that success to people is relative and will ultimately be based on a person’s individual circumstances. I understand that success to me might be having a loving family and guaranteed roof and food for the lifetime of myself and my family members and to you it could be a seven figure bank account. In the discovery of what makes a man successful I can honestly say that an individuals definition of what exactly success is does not matter in the journey to success. Simply put, it does not matter what you define success to be, the requirement to be successful very often will be the same regardless of destination point. For the sake of this post I will keep success referring to a “successful business”.

I started my journey by looking at IQ, it dint take very long before I discovered that while having a High IQ surely doesn’t hurt. It also does not mean you will be successful. To be honest you don’t need to do too much research to see that success is not always a result of intelligence. Otherwise the most intelligent people in the world would be the most successful.

I then decided to look into Daniel Goleman’s claim that success is driven by EQ (Emotional intelligence). After much reading and to my dismay I also found out that this does not need to be present to be successful. It certainly does not hurt but it really isn’t necessary. You can hire someone who has a High IQ and EQ.

After taking a deeper look (without me turning this friendly post into an educational paper), I discovered it is an age old recipe called “Grit”.

You see when I say Grit I am not talking about being harsh as stone’s nor am I talking about being coarse. I am talking about the psychology definition of what this is. I am talking about being able to find a target and having a powerful motivation to achieve their respective objective. I am talking about good old fashion perseverance.

I guess one of the barriers to see the obvious for me was a life long handicap. My handicap was my education. The idea which is very often also unintentionally taught in subjects such as Mathematics and Physics. The thinking that if a person has not been able to solve a problem it is because they have not found the right methodology. This implies that as soon as you find the right method, then the problem becomes easy to solve and then it can be taught to other people who can also use the same method to achieve success in relation to that problem.


While I can not deny the merit in thinking this was, I can also see the handicap this creates in finding a method to success.

I quickly discovered that being successful had nothing to do with method but everything to do with your ability to persevere.

The real beauty about “Grit” is that it has nothing to do with methods or finding an exact way and everything to do with attitude. It also has nothing to do with Intelligence, either general intelligence or emotional intelligence but your ability to manage and keep pushing on.

How does a person get True Grit?

1) True Grit must originate from a genuine belief in what you want to do. I am not talking about a hobby or an interest. Your idea could very well start as a hobby but it must be so much more than that before you can push for it. It must be something you believe in.

2) Belief is not enough; you must be convinced of your idea. You see there is a difference in believing something is needed and knowing something is needed. Your conviction must be analyzed independently and must be honestly looked at. Your idea must serve more than just yourself. What use is an idea if it serves only you? In other words, what is in it for everybody else? This is very often where real value is identified.

3) If you are convinced by the need for your idea and its relevance to the general public or people more than yourself then you must understand that success can be a journey. Now when I say understand, I mean truly know it isn’t a sprint. You see a business or anything worth doing must be allowed to mature on its own. This is the same for life and love. Allowing it to grow means that you know that, just as you are who you are because of the things that happened to you (both positive and negative). An idea worth pursuing is also subject to the rules that it will be hit by both positive and negative things.

You must know that it is not necessarily going to be a bed of roses.

4) If you truly understand the journey. You must anticipate the road ahead and be psychologically and physically prepared for the coming journey. I am not saying that preparation means that you won’t be affected. I am simply saying that preparation for a potential storm might not mean that you will weather the storm but it certainly doesn’t hurt.

5) When the trouble comes and by trouble I mean things like discouragement, frustration and even sometimes financial constraints it is important to focus on the fact that you knew it will happen and work through it.


Just as you only know how good an insurance company is when there is a claim to be made. Or how much a person loves you when there is a problem. This is the defining moment when many new start up businesses either become successful or are a failure. This is the moment when true grit and perseverance helps. The difference between a successful company and failed company when they are both given the same idea is the ability to persevere in times of trouble.


Unlike Intelligence, the beauty of Grit is that it can be taught. You can equip an individual with the ability to cope or the strength to persevere. Grit is an essential and often overlooked element of success. It correlates more highly with success in business than intelligence or a specific talent.


A few things that might help could be simple things such as making sure that


a) New ideas and projects dont distract you from old ones

b) Don’t set a goal but later choose to pursue a different one

c) Be diligent

d) Be intentional in whatever you do.

e) Do not allow setbacks discourage you.


Just remember that even if you are not the most intelligent or the most social. Success is not impossible.


I will end this post with a quote


It doesn’t matter if people are playing jazz or writing poetry — if they want to be successful, they need to learn how to persist and persevere, how to keep on working until the work is done. Woody Allen famously declared that “eighty percent of success is showing up.” NOCCA (New Orleans Center for the Creative Arts) teaches kids how to show up again and again.”
Jonah Lehrer, Imagine: How Creativity Works




IF (Then you will be a Man)

IF (Then you will be a Man)

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;


If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;

If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;


If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;


If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!



by Rudyard Kipling

A life worth living in difficult times (In loving memory)

A life worth living in difficult times (In loving memory)

A life worth living in difficult times

I’m inspired to share with you what an older friend said to me a few years ago. I have been greatly influenced by it. Not exactly in his own words though, he said there isn’t an absolute finish line for everyone in life.

Our tracks are different, our lanes are different and our durations- different. The only thing we have in common is the same judge. For example one person graduates at age 20 and struggles for the next five years to get a job. Another graduates at age 25 and gets a job immediately. One marries a virgin and spends the next decade waiting for the blessings of children. Another, probably after having series of abortions in the past, becomes a mum almost immediately after marriage. One becomes an MD at 30, another becomes MD at 52.

Life is full of twists and turns, ups and downs plus many surprises and offers each one of us different opportunities. It is up to each of us to patiently prepare and wait for that opportunity. We learn on the way- no one knows it all or has it better. The devil always tries to tell us that lie over and over but that’s just it- a lie. There is a reason why we all don’t fall at the same time. Its so that when one is down, weak and discouraged, the other, who is strong, can encourage and uplift him. God never promised that the road would be easy but promised never to leave or forsake us. There’s no competition in life so let’s learn to go easy on ourselves and trust that God is working it all for good (even if it doesn’t make sense at the time).

The bible assures us that there is a time for everything but most importantly that “it came to pass”. Whatever trials, challenge or downtime, this too shall pass and in due course, you’ll be up and strong again to lift up those who maybe down around you” . It is well with us all, Amen!

Lots of things in life are by choice and not by force.

Let’s try to have an amazing life and help others do the same.

Never underestimate just how much of a difference you can make in someones life and how much they can make in yours.





Walking like a champion (A hand to help you stand up)

Walking like a champion (A hand to help you stand up)

I woke one morning looking through a dark room

thinking life’s moving too soon

No light to behold

No sign of  troubles after

Wanting to fight yet not knowing how

for a second I gave up praying

nothing to believe in

Then I found your book,

A little hook was all it took

your word

Your heart, your soul

every word like freedom here, bringing me back to life like CPR

every promise a reminder that my story cant be over before it begins

No sitting here looking like life ain’t life no more

No point looking outwards for things you gave before I could walk

You taught me lord to walk proud

I had all I could

showed me the path

Walking the roads of champions

Push myself to the limit

Making a mockery of all the wisdom I acquired prior to your word

To those that say you will never make it,

those that used their words to do nothing but break you

we love you all

Those that felt you gave your all

No hard feelings

I thank you for your words

Your words made me who I am

If not for you I would never have fought

I would never have given my all to see those words untrue

Never have put it all in to ensure I dont believe those words

I thank you because I almost believed the words

I thank you because your words brought me to him,

your little reminders lifted me in a way I will never have found

I learnt opinions ain’t facts, you take it and let it be

I learnt to walk in nothing wearing nothing but my heart on my sleeves

And the days courage walked away I learnt to run out and pull it back

Being who you are comes from the heart

Telling you, that you can be all you set out to be means nothing if you don’t see it yourself

And if you cant see it now, look through the eyes of the one that never sees you as less

Look through the eyes of the one that doesn’t tell you one thing and act differently

Walk with me brothers and sisters

Leave all those lies behind

Let me show you the path I found for I know I can never walk alone

The father walks with us all

Reminds you of things long forgotten

For as long as he reigns,

your life,

your story hasn’t even started yet.

You will walk like a champion soon.




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To see a world in a grain of sand,

And  heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

And eternity in an hour.

William Blake – Auguries of Innocence

As I walked down my office street my dreams and past aspirations flashed passed my eyes. And all I had was a deeply sad unanswered question, how did I get here? I remembered how many things I thought I would have accomplished at my age and how far I was from my target. Every day just seemed to drive me further away and I had no idea how to fix that.

I had spent countless hours dreaming, countless hours planning and spent what seemed like an eternity believing I could change everything if I just kept on believing in myself. You cannot even begin to imagine my surprise when I found out that almost every book I had ever read and every major tale I had ever heard about success was an absolute façade. It simply did not work. It was inspirational in its way but still something was missing.

I was 25 years old and I still had no major grip on what I sought after. I had attended private schools, gone to two universities, obtained an MBA degree and had 2 professional qualifications. I had achieved all of this before my 23rd birthday yet none of these added up to success in life or happiness. I had never been described as ugly nor did I have any major physical deformities. I was a Christian who deeply believed in all the church ideas on family and love. I had no criminal record, no mental or physical diseases and had not been in trouble with anything ever. I had a respectable IQ and no one had ever referred to me as weird or strange. I was not wealthy; was not happily married to the woman I cared about and I was nowhere near what I felt I could achieve and would achieve in life. So what on earth was wrong? Why couldn’t I just work for what I want just as I read? Why were hard work, determination and undying self belief just not enough?

I blame it on every lie I have ever read, all the “once you believe it you can achieve it” type lines. All the belief and talent in the world was never going to be enough.  Success seemed to have more to do with luck and opportunity than with hard work. I had enough of reading the stories and believing them, they did more harm to my self-esteem than if I had gone through life and tried to make the best of every situation. Guidelines to life sometimes ruin people.

I decided to take the next best step. It was time to work smarter not to work harder. I dumped the “belief only” advice and decided that its time that my life taught me what was real and what was not. They weren’t the Geniuses in life, we are. Why should my interpretation of life depend on their view of life? That’s the only reason I decided to write. I have no intention of going on some ego trip rambling about how I have unravelled the great mysteries to life (I think the Bible is the only book than can claim that or at least for the most part tries to claim that) and I do not believe in guidelines to success. We must all follow our paths but the best way to do that is to know what path we are presently walking on.

I guess it’s about the road that gets you to a place where you finally see yourself for what and who you are and lose all sense of false self grandeur. The day you weep your eyes out because for the first time you really see your flaws and you realise that just knowing what they are means nothing if you continue to do nothing about it. That day “your” world takes a new shape. That day friends and family that have stood by you mean even more; “everything becomes an opportunity”, a second chance to get things right. That day maturity grabs you by the throat and becomes your best friend. You finally dissect yourself accurately and on that day self-pity leaves your side and self-action takes its place.

That day you realise that even though your life and options aren’t what you want you learn to take the highroad (not your way), maybe you do this because you learn to look at everything as a lesson, or because you don’t want to walk around angry anymore hoping to rationalise life, or maybe it is because you finally understand the cards that are laid before you.

There are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept. There are people we can’t live without, but have to let go and that there are things we don’t want to know or face (often about ourselves), but have to learn. There are days we lack the courage to try to change but know we must someday.

Doing something about what we already know is our fault is the real difference.

That’s where truth comes in. That little push helping you to become what you already were. A diamond in the earth was already a diamond even before it was cleansed and purified. Truth is only here to unearth the diamond that was there all along. I have no intention of presenting a story that thinks for you. I do not believe you need me to and to assume so would be to call you stupid or assume you are incapable of thinking for yourself and we both know that is not true. My “rant” will be a guide to what has to inevitably be your decision; after all it’s only fair you decide since you have to live with the choices you make after.

Married to a Muslim (My Hell Journey)

Married to a Muslim (My Hell Journey)


It was 1992,I was 22 years old. I had been house hunting and came across this ideal house in the ideal area.

The Landlord showed me around and I decided to go for it, that is where it all began.

Over the coming Months the Landlord would collect rent,do repairs etc but seemed a nice quiet shy kind of guy.

After about a year he started to hang around more and become friendly. I saw no harm but then one day he asked me out,I refused and did not see much more of him for quite some time.

Then 6 Months later he was hanging around again,asking me to dinner,again i said no as i was not interested in getting Involved with a Muslim Man let alone my Landlord. He never gave up and after 3 Years i eventually agreed, that was that in a nutshell.

We started to see each other more and more and he was just hooked and madly in love (I thought). He was around every night,sometimes meeting me at work just for a cuddle,it seemed so sweet.

After 18 Months we decided to get a House together. We moved in and it was just perfect. 3 Months later I discovered I was Pregnant and we were overjoyed. His Parents decided to come and see me for the first time and insisted I convert to Islam for me and my daughter to be accepted. I felt sad but the pressure was on me and I decided to do it. It was not a big deal and I was now a Muslim. My baby was born and the family gathered round giving me all these orders about special baths for me and baby to make us pure and clean,I was so confused. I followed all their instructions etc as my Partner was telling me it was all for the best.

9 Months later we did a Nikkah,which is an Islamic Wedding in his friends House. It was not a special day by any means. I had no Family there or friends,just strangers and witnesses. It was all over quickly but I was now a Muslim Wife. No pictures,no Honeymoon,no memories,probably best way thinking about it now.

To cut this long story very short I went  on to have 3 more Children as he was desperate for a Son. I never had a Boy just 4 perfect beautiful girls. As the girls were growing up his parents, sister were always commenting on how they should dress,eat with their right hand go to Mosque every day after School. Urdu School Saturdays and Sundays,where was my Children’s life? I became quite sad but plodded on to keep the peace but no matter what I did it was never enough for him or his family,always finding fault,always treating us different.

He started to treat me terrible and was always putting me down,never letting me out,casting up bills,telling me I was fat and controlling my whole life. It was like he hated me inside and it was a lot to do with his mother as she was just a Witch and at every chance was always trying to lure him to Pakistan and whenever he would go she would have a line of girls for him to marry. He never went through with it but I still had to be nice to this Woman,like hell I would. I soon realised I was being taken for a mug and they never noticed how much I had changed my life for them.

It was time for me to be me again. I pulled my children out of Mosque,Urdu Schools,made sure they dressed how they wanted to dress,made sure they still had Christmas, Big birthdays,Santa etc which his mother hated, kept my distance from his Family which then caused more problems for us as its very important you stay close to the man’s family as they are very family orientated. I stopped cooking Asian Food and having them all over for dinner,this hurt my Husband but did I care?

No! When his Family left me and my girls out of parties etc he would still go,when they treated me bad he would say “It is your fault“. They would manipulate him in such ways you would not believe as they wanted me gone and he believed every word they said. It was awful but I stood up to them and made sure my kids led a normal happy life.

After 15 Years I saved up some Money as he always controlled me financially and barely gave me enough to live on,baring in mind he was a Property tycoon worth Millions, I had nothing. He grudged every penny he spent on me and my girls but liked the best for himself. I just had enough and while he was away on business I took sofa ,beds from our home and moved to a Rented house. He was in deep shock when he got back and hated me for doing this.

After few Months he would apologise and ask me to come home but I just could never go back to that miserable unhappy sad life. Nothing is worth going through what I went through all because of Love, Religion and culture. 4 years on and he has just finally left me alone as he has realised I will never go back. He has now Married an Asian girl and I hope this means he will let me move on but I am not banking on it,will just have to see what happens!


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EXCITING NEWS. Do you have a true story to tell? Send us your story for a chance to win from £100


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For anyone that does not know it yet, an underdog is a person popularly expected to fail. We want your success stories. We want to learn from you. We want to be inspired by you. We want to be taught by you. We want your story to be the one the world hear. The one that inspires a generation. We want real stories from real people about real events. Feel free to change characters names but inspire the world with a tale that only you can tell.

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Our united goal (with your help) is simple. We want to inspire the world with tales from real people about real events.


“If we stand tall it is because we stand on the backs of those who came before us“….Proverbs


By entering your post into this website it will automatically be entered into the competition and could also feature (With all credit given to the author) in our 2014 BOOK edition. GOOD LUCK.

I Shall Not Walk Alone – My Road to Bone Marrow Transplant (By Samuel Smylie)

I Shall Not Walk Alone – My Road to Bone Marrow Transplant (By Samuel Smylie)


I sat there with my sister Annette looking at the clock opposite us, at Clinic 6 at Glasgow Royal Infirmary, it was first thing in the morning and we had been sitting for nearly an hour, because my records had failed to be taken from archives. But however they eventually came and the long awaited call; “Mr Smylie?” rang confident from behind us.

“Good Morning, Sam how are you feeling?”, asked the Consultant Hematologist, as we sat down next to his disk, situated against one wall of a sparsely furnished clinic examination room. With a bed on the other side and a trolley of medical equipment against the other.

“Fine Doctor”, I replied considering I had just spent a week in hospital having all manner of tests, both routine and very painful, performed on me; after being told at my first visit to the blood donation clinic on Nelson Mandela Place just of Buchanan Street, in Glasgow City Centre, that I should probably go into A&E immediately.

I was 17 years old and all this was starting to get a little daunting for my young confident and growing mind. The Doctor looked at me confusingly, the way a lot of medical professionals were starting to look at me these days, not that I have, by this time, came in contact with a lot, apart from my GP and friends and family working within the field.

“Explaining this can be difficult”, started the Doctor, my sister shifted in her seat,

“Try your best Doctor”, I prompted,

“Okay, you have a rare Bone Marrow Failure Disease called Aplastic Anaemia”, I stared at him blankly, so no cancer? I thought.

“It caused by the bone marrow failing to produce blood cells to a particular degree that it may become fatal”, the Doctor went on to explain, now I shifted in my seat, my sister remained still.

“From what we can see you don’t have any underlying conditions that may have caused this to happen, we are unsure is it is hereditary, because we just don’t know. However your condition seems to be stable and not fatal”, chimed the Doctor as I struggled to take everything in.

“But Doctor, I don’t feel unwell at all”, I protested.

“Most people with this condition look and fell absolutely fine until the “final stages”, in other words if we hadn’t found this condition your bone marrow may have continued to fail until there was nothing left”.

So we left the clinic, and for the next 6 years I attended the same clinic, talking with the doctors and giving blood samples. No real complications ever came about apart from some very severe infections, that were caused by my lower than average white blood cell count.

However I was feeling deflated because dreams of becoming a Police Officer or joining the Armed forces were now non-existent, my girlfriend left me because she couldn’t cope with my growing depression, another added weight came about when I lost my father not long after diagnosis to Lung Cancer.

So I decided to work hard at university; which eventually paid of when I was offered a job with a large and respected IT outsourcing company, with great benefits and a career plan which will challenge me and allow me to mature and develop as a professional. Then after six years of stability everything failed, literally failed. My bone marrow had started to fully pack in, and from being able to run 1.5 miles in about 12 minutes I couldn’t walk half a mile without feeling breathless, frustrated and tired. I began to bruise easily, as well as bleed regularly from my gums and nose. My active life of weight training, running, swimming and learning to snowboard halted.

My social life became non-existent, as I could not go to busy places, work became increasingly more difficult (resulting in me being taken to hospital on Saturday afternoon), and then cam another blow.

“I would advise you not to go to your new employer this year”, advised my new consultant, who had taken the case because of the rapid decrease in stability in my condition.

So there I was on the telephone with the man who had hired me into my new high flying job explaining to him that I couldn’t accept the employment due to my decreasing condition.

I had lost my job, and my freedom then the biggest heart wrenching feeling came as I was advised that I would need to have a Bone Marrow Transplant or things could become getting a lot more difficult and very quickly, I obviously accepted and now here I am.

Never less the past year hasn’t been all bad, by my side I have had my very own guardian Angel, my beautiful girlfriend Rochelle has stood by me through all the disappointment, all the fear and the increasing feeling of frustrated anticipation as knowledge of the future is out of our reach as human beings. With her help I have managed to stay calm, collected and proactive in my treatment. To date I have had 4 blood transfusions to decrease the risk of heart attacks, organ failure or strokes, as I await for my transplant.

I have been in touch with the Aplastic Anameia Trust, the only charity in the UK that focuses on helping people with this rare disease, as only 150 people are diagnosed in the UK every year. That is equivalent to 2 in 1 million people in the whole Western World. Aplastic Anaemia is a killer, just like cancer, it sucks life away each and everyday and the survivors are truly inspirational people.

I still fight to this day, as the BMT draws ever nearer knowing that at the other side of an email, or a telephone I have someone there for me. But most importantly as my condition continues to get worse my angel is still by my side, hand in hand, until that day when I am better, and I can be the man I always wanted to be too her.



The Bonny Land of Glasgow City.

The Bonny Land of Glasgow City.



Stare out the window on a musky gray evening, as clouds creep across the sky,

and see our children swigging from half empty bottles of Buckfast,

In the bonny land of Glasgow City.

Blink, for a moment, and open your eyes,

and see our children pull a knife,

In the bonny land of Glasgow City.


Wander the streets as you wade hopelessly, determinedly through troves of trash,

as our children yowl from backstreet alleys,

In the bonny land of Glasgow city.

Watch the sun peek for a moment before turning away,

as it glimpses the downfall of our bonny land,

Glasgow City.


Come New Year, and we join our hands,

“Auld Lang Syne” we chant, as we blow on our numbing hands,

for another year of repetition and turmoil,

that is the bonny land of Glasgow City.

The Life of a Single Parent

The Life of a Single Parent

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“No One else will ever know the strength of my love for you.. After all you are the only one that knows what my heart sounds like from the inside”

“Always remember, You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think” ― A.A. Milne

“Life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a mother”

My mother brought me up as a single Parent, she has always worked full time, and I never remember going a full day, without seeing her. She never complained when I cried for no reason or when i broke her “favorite ornament” .

My mum always gave me the very best that she could, and without her i wouldn’t be the person who i am today, dont get me wrong we never always got on, we had our moments like every other parent and child, but no matter what happens i know that its just a matter of lifting the phone and dialing her number, she will help me in which ever way she can.

Thanks to my mum i now know how to cope with being a single mummy, she is my inspiration.

I sit back and think how hard my mum had it when it really was just me and her, we had some tough times, but mum always got us out of them with her head held high.

This is a thank you to all mums not just mine who care for their children, unconditionally love them, and will do the very best for them.

I hope my children see me even half as good of a mum than what i think of mine, after all i learnt from the best.

“A mother holds her child’s hand for a short while, But their hearts forever”

 “Children must be taught , how to think, not what too think”- Margaret Mead

To the man I called Daddy.

To the man I called Daddy.

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To The Man I Called  Daddy.

You where always there for me  from when I was 2 years old, Why did you go? Why did you leave without an explanation? You where the one i looked up to even when you and mum split up. It takes any man too be a father, but a real man to become a daddy, that’s what you told me when you split up with mum. I hated your “new family” even though you never left me out even when your own children where born?

The night you rang me, telling me that you loved me and are always there, i remember thinking you had went nuts, it was so random. If only i knew that it was your way of saying goodbye i would never have hung up.  The next day when i was watching tv and mum called me upstaires, she was sitting on the bed her eyes red, her face stained with tears, i knew something was wrong but nothing could have prepared me for what she was about to tell me.

“He’s gone, he was found by hospital staff, i’m sorry he’s dead,”

I couldnt understand it, collapsing to the floor tears filling my eyes, i was 11 how could you do it? you told me you would always be there. the next couple of days where the worst, finding out that you took your own life still haunts me. Whay wouldn’t you talk to someone, you obviously didnt realise how much people loved you, how much people caredfor you.

Mum tryed to act strong for my sake, but i know that it broke her heart that you where gone.The night before your funeral i sat looking through my pictures of “our family” laughed about the things you said and did to cheer me up. Cried that i’ll have no more new memories, getting up to go to Your funeral, i could hardly speak, i felt like i would choke on my tears  if i tryed talking. i wanted to  be strong, no more tears you would say when i was younger if i had hurt myself, i wanted to be a “big girl”

My theory never worked..

Mum thought it would be best if i didnt go in before your coffin lid was closed, i hated her for not letting me say a proper goodbye,wasnt until i got older i understood that she was protecting me.

Im glad i can remember you , as the way you where, the happy, funny, man that you where.

As your coffin was carried to the grave i held onto mums hand, afraid to let go. I hope now you know how much you effected people when you where alive, no one has ever or could ever say something bad, there really wasnt a bad bone in your body.

Im thankful for the years that i had you in my life, and i will never forget you, or your words of wisdom.

You helped make me who i am today and im eternally greatful.

“in the arms of an angel now, spread your wings and keep us safe”

forever in my heart, forever in my memory

Don’t Judge My Path If You Have Never Walked My Journey. (By Janine)

Don’t Judge My Path If You Have Never Walked My Journey. (By Janine)

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Don’ Judge My Path If You Haven’t Walked My Journey.

Have you ever thought that everyone in the world is against you? Ever thought that people stop too condemn you?

Being a young mum (19) with two small children (2 year old, 1 year old), I have had all the comments you can think of..  Don’t get me wrong not everyone has said bad things but there is a bunch of very small minded people who think that i’m a “typical young mum.” I love my children unconditionally, I give them the best I can, And they never go without things that they need. They are my everything. One day out grocery shopping, my oldest was in the trolley eating a bag of crisps, as we where walking round a woman stopped at me and tutted telling me that crisps is not a good choice for my child to be eating, then she started asking my age, telling her, she then turned to me then my son and with a spiteful look said, “children can’t bring up children,”I was gob smacked that a stranger could say something like that. I don’t think that I’m the worlds best, most perfect mother, in act i’m probably far from it, but i am a good mother, who would do anything for my children to make sure they are safe and happy. I just hope that someday them small minded people actually grow up and realise that just because I am young I am still very Mature, And that I can bring my children up, to be the very best that they can be. No matter what they do I’ll always be behind them 100%.

I’m trying to make a life for me and my children, I am currently looking into going back to school, my son will be starting nursery next year, I have my own house and will be starting part time work soon as well, I do not go out unless my children are with me and if I do they are left with a family member. so what am I doing wrong?

I’m hoping reading this that people realize no matter what you do someone will always try to put you down, but don’t let them!!

“worrying does not empty tomorrow of it’s troubles, It empties today of its strength.”…..Corrie Ten Boom


Abort Your Baby, Before its too late (By Janine)

Abort Your Baby, Before its too late (By Janine)

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“You are pregnant,” The words I heard and couldn’t believe at 18.

I couldn’t believe it, I was 18 and going to have my second baby. What would everyone say? How would i cope?
my head was full of emotions, Going home looking at my Calvin, my first baby, I got my head round the idea that
in 8 month’s I’ll be having another..

My first scan was great at 11 weeks 4days gone, no sickness no nothing I felt brillant. As time past and my bump grew all our family knew that there was going to be a new addition to the family, I couldn’t have been happier. Thinking back I wondered why I was so worried at the start.

At week 16 my Back had got really sore, migraines, was being sick and tired constantly, the doctors had put it down to being pregnant and with my first child just being run down a bit, giving me iron tablets, I went home. Something to me still didn’t seem right.

Having my next scan to look forward to i put it to the back of my head. Two days later I was at my midwife. asking how I was, I explained how I was feeling, asking if she could take a few swab tests and urine sample I thought it was just procedure. Then she hit me with the most shocking thought that could have ran through my head. Group B Streptococcus or “Strep B” is a more common name for it.

I had never heard of it so she told me not to worry and read through a few pages of information, Going home ringing my mum and granny explaining to them. They had never heard of it either, so I just carried on, taking things easier.

Then it was finally time for my “big” scan. I was so excited, my mum and partner came with me, as we sat round looking at my baby bouncing about sucking its thumb. Then, “Would you like to no what your having?” looking at my mum and partner sitting at the end of their seats I knew that we all couldnt wait, “A very healthy Baby Girl,” I was so happy My first baby was a boy, we’ll have a “gentleman’s family.”

The minute I got home all other thoughts went out of my head, all I could think of was names. At the end of that week I had 2 names picked. My phone rang, “Hello, its Charleen would you be able to come into the surgery, your results have came back, getting Calvin babysat I went up, my partner was at work, so I just went myself, nothing to worry about, the sonographer said a healthy Baby Girl after all.

As I walked into the midwife’s room she brought me down to a room at the end of the hall, walking in my heart sank, ” Hello, I’m a Doctor from Royal Hospital, please take a seat.” “your results have came back, You have Strep B and, we want you to go for a scan”. I explained that I had my scan at the hospital at the start of the week, everything was okay. “For the results that we need you need more of an advanced scan, we can do it now, or you can travel over, and get someone to go with you.”

Knowing that nothing was wrong I got it done there.”Im afraid you have advanced Strep B, in this case 1 in 32,000 people get this, it has been passed on to your unborn baby.”Asking what that meant, and what I had to do I stared to panic. They gave me strong antibiotics to take to try flush it out of my system and had to go back three days later.”please don’t panic about this, your baby needs you to stay relaxed.”

That night I sat and cried, then I decided on a name, “Chloe” meaning, A strong little flower. Going back to the doctors, they explained the antibiotics didn’t work, my other options where limited, “Carry on with your pregnancy and get antibiotic injections every week, but there will be a strong possibility that your baby will be seriously disabled and a lifetime of health problems, also it will be very dangerous for you to have a natural labour, What we suggest is you having a late abortion and although this will be very hard, we think it will be the safest choice for you.”

At that moment my world fell apart I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, then “kick” my baby was trying to tell me something at that time, “I’m carrying on with this pregnancy, Whatever way my baby is i’ll love and care for her as much as I can.
And that was that, I carried on with the injections, praying that my baby will prove them all wrong I took things as easy as I could.
1st June came round and going out to my mums house to leave anniversary cards to my aunty and uncle for the next day I still had over a month to go.

The sun was shinning, at my aunts I was walking about, couldn’t sit still. Later that evening mum asking was I okay, I told her I had cramps. drinking hot water, and lying down, they wouldn’t budge. Going home later, I got in and packed my hospital back, just in case I remember thinking. 6 o’clock in the morning, I woke my partner and told him to ring his mum and get her to mind Calvin, we had to go to the hospital, the baby was on her way.

In the car the contractions where getting stronger. I could hardly walk to get in. straight down to delivery, the baby’s crowned.
Looking at the clock it was 6:16 am on the 2nd of June, getting into delivery I thought back to my first labour. 38hours 43minutes, not this time though 6:30 am I was holding my Healthy Baby Girl. 6lb  13.5oz at a month early she was as healthy as any other baby.
I remember looking at her, “We did it baby, we proved them wrong, she was brought for tests and everything came back fine.

Chloe is now 15months, has been walking for a month and doing what all other baby’s her age should be.

She will always be “Mummy’s little strong flower,”

Death keeps knocking. (By Zoe)

Death keeps knocking. (By Zoe)

death keeps knocking

Picture a child of three, healthy, full of energy, smiling. Beautiful. Now take away the energy, take away the chubby exterior, see the Energy drain the energy, go ahead and drain the colour from her skin. Now the smile, it’s hard to picture when everyone around the child cries, or shouts in frustration. Doctors say there’s nothing wrong, the mother must be crazy right?

Imagine Christmas Eve, a happy child gets washed and dressed so quickly eager to get to bed, excitement fills the air, Santa is coming!  Now take away the happiness, exclude the excitement. Replace the bed with a hospital cot, beeping machines and drips. The child is dying.

Undiagnosed diabetes, the blood is sticky with blood, acidic with ketones and organs are failing. Dr Carson his rounds dressed as Santa, to spread some cheer other night, delivering twin baby dolls to the dying child, a happy memory to leave with.

Amazingly death does not become her. The child lives and leaves hospital weeks later with two new babies.

Let’s skip ahead a few years. The child becomes a young teenager, attends a grammar school, is doing well. Duke of Edinburgh’s award comes along, she eagerly applies, keeping records of community services, extra curricular activities and a sport, on top of the map work and weekends camping with friends, sounds good, right? Now add the show an tell to leaders the girl has to do to teach them what to do in a diabetic emergency, add the extra weight of insulins and hypoglycemic kits to the already heavy rucksack. All part of the experience!

The weekend doesn’t start well with a broken down bus and late arrival to the start point, the heavy rain and blowing gales make it all the better. All the girls trudged in the dark for hours, 1.30am arrived before they made it to the camp site, but no rest for he wicked, tents have to be erected.

Birds chirp, sun slithers into the tents, waking the girls from slumber, only this girl realises herself and two companions perched at the edge of a cliff. The darkness of the night before had concealed why could have been a fatal fall.

no time to dwell, miles of walking lies ahead! At first our girl keeps up, walks with her group and even did her share of map reading and leading. The energy starts to deplete, the headache kicks in and you don’t even want to know how badly she wanted to vomit, frequently! ‘Just keep going we are half way there’ the older man dubbed as leader repeated more than once.

The camp site was a welcome site indeed, trangias popped up all over to cook up some delightful boil in the bag or pack of noodles. Our girl wasn’t hungry, she crawled into her sleeping bag and slept. Not even the violent shaking if the tent from her companions awoke her the next day, ‘girl problems’ was the diagnosis, ball everyone agreed she could board the bus and skip the remaining days walk!

Back at the school, she slumps in a corner, forced to wash trangias before fleeing to the arms of her mother, an straight to an A+E. Have you ever seen on T.V how the lights blur past and faces swim in front of the acting patient’s face, that really happens!

‘We need a drip now’

‘her heart rate is dangerously fast’

Sharp pain explodes across her back and the scene from the exorcist unfolds, then nothing.

Kidneys shut down, respiratory system needed assistance and the heart almost gave up. Amazingly death does not become her. Pneumonia can be fatal.

Let’s jump forward again, past the usual school business of new friends, new loves and stressful exams. Picture our girl now 16, cramps aren’t uncommon at this stage, but hers won’t go away. So what happens when the pain suddenly becomes sharp and a little more tithe right? Hospital.

Sitting in a bed, the doctors don’t believe her, but she has a pain, so let’s keep her in overnight, just to be sure, right? So what happens when the skin starts to turn grey? Is that still normal? Blood tests suggest it isn’t really, poison? From where? Remember the right abdominal pain? Bingo!

‘This is ICU madam we only allow two members of family in at one time to see patients’

Apparently an appendix  can be fatal, amazingly death does not become her.

With life experience like this, what future does this girl have? One in nursing of course, give something back, afterall empathy is needed in such a career!

Year three into her degree, the headaches come. It’s not an easy degree, ward placements on top of university work and exams, anyone would suffer a headache or two, right? So what so you do when it doesn’t go away? What so you do when you can’t write in a straight line? Back to A+E of course. Only this time our girl leaves the hospital with two pain killers and no chance of a ‘just in case overnight stay’.

Give it a few days, rest up, relax, it will go away, right? Wrong! The only thing disappearing for her was her sight. Slowly, but surely.  The GP suggests an urgent appointment with an Opthamologist, he suggests an over night stay with a brain CT scan to investigate further. Imagine the fear when one CT scan isn’t enough. Two CT scans and an MRI later, everyone is still being quiet, but you know that look? That sympathetic look when someone knows something and you don’t? Everyone had it. Finally a doctor appears, why the huddle of other doctors and nurses? Apparently they are a specialised team, to devastate a life with the diagnosis of a stroke.

A torn artery to the neck can be fatal, luckily a clot formed, too bad it broke free and settled in two parts of the brain. Amazingly death did not become her.

This girl, the one you have imagined time and time again in different scenarios, well she is real. She lives on today with a nursing degree, a child and a fiancé, in the hopes that death continues to overlook her, to let her live a full and happy life with  her family. Not to forget the two dolls, who can now legally drink in any country!



I can feel my hands shaking a bit as I sit down and write this. I can’t tell if it’s from fear, love… Or if I’m just casually about to have a nervous break down. Never the less, stay with me here.
I’m not to sure when reading this how many of you can relate to it but it’s something that is so close to my heart that these words are easy for me. It feels like the pen is just gliding over the paper. My hand seems to have no control.
Where do I even start!
I think most of us have that one person in our life that no matter how many days or years pass they will always stay at the front -line of our hearts, floating around with a huge stick waiting to harass and deny entry to any passers-by. You Love, you lose.. You don’t move on. Typical woman.
I could sit here forever and talk about the many characteristics he has that I adore, or about how each one draws you into him. I could tell you about his heart and how sometimes I swear I could feel it holding me. But I will most defiantly start hysterically crying.
Anyway. All you really need to know to understand my story is that I loved him. He was not only my boyfriend but my best friend. Someone I had and still have unconditional love for. The guy that gave me that beautiful sick feeling in the pitt of my stomach. The guy I found myself completely infatuated with. William. ❤
I’ll take you back to a distant summer were a group of 4 decided to start making memories together. Me and William, my best friend and Williams best friend. They made up couple number two. May I add they are still together and will be getting married this year. Let’s all aw at once. Or let’s not cause happy people are shit let’s face it :/
We all pretty much from day one insisted on spending every second of every day, morning, afternoon and evening together. Just creating memories..
Let’s cut the crap and fast forward one year – everything is still perfect. Must have been about 6pm. At home prancing around like a spring chicken waiting for the boyfriend to arrive.
So 7 o clock came, but he didn’t ..
And then 8 o clock creeped up, but he didn’t… 9 o clock came and still no sign. No call. Nothing.
So you can imagine at this point I’ve got my CSI face on and I’m ready to start interrogating him until either one of us starts crying. Dibs on me. I cry over anything. I’m pathetic like that. So I start tapping away with my obese little fingers in some sort of hysterical rage mode. Seeing not much else but red at this point.
“the mobile phone you have called is currently switched off please try again later..”
Right. So…. He’s ditched me?
Ready to lose the plot any second really. Hands are sweating, my hearts racing I hate the unknown. I’m now just thinking the absolute worst. Or so I thought.. I had no idea my whole world was about to be flipped upside down..
I’m not one to chase, I’ll leave you to your own devices until your ready to come at me. Although saying that.. I did stalk his mobile for a good couple of hours until I gave up and fell asleep on my own dribble n tears. I woke up in the morning and obviously he was the 1st thing to mind. But no miss calls.. No text messages. Nothing. Nada. Not a sausage.
At this point my hearts sunk to the bottom of my stomach and I can feel it starting to wretch. Before I’ve had the chance to do anything I’ve got the wife calling. Perfect. I can vent n find out where this idiot was last night. So unlike him.
“Hello babe, please tell me you have spoken to wiggle…?”
She kinda went a bit silent for a few seconds and then proceeded to change my life as I knew it. All I can really remember is putting my head into my hands and dropping to the floor.
…”He’s dead Sara.
He had a car accident on the way to you last night and he died.”
……… I can’t really explain the feeling I felt, it’s like no other emotion I’ve ever come across before. I just went numb. I couldn’t feel my hands. I couldn’t feel myself breathing. I was ready to die. No doubt in my mind. I wanted to die. I didn’t care how, I just needed to see his face again. Just no words to explain the pain that ran through my heart. I felt like I was crying blood. And every tear that dropped took apart of my soul with it.
I spent every night screaming in the dark. Not wanting to leave my bedroom floor. I couldn’t and didn’t want to feel any comfort. Because it wasn’t possible. There was nothing, absolutely nothing that could have eased my pain. Nothing. I know longer had any concept of what comfort was. I just turned cold. The feeling of emptiness is indescribable. It’s so overwhelming that you have no choice but to let it take over the whole of your mind, body and what’s left of your soul. Grief stops clocks, it stops every aspect of your life and you just no in your heart that life will never be the same again.
What is left?
What do I live for?
Being touched by death transforms your life, sobers your mind and changes your life forever. You never ever stop grieving. Ever. This happened in 2006 and to this DAY my heart has never found a way to fully heal and everyday I am still reminded of him. Everyday.
The funeral was to overwhelming and I couldn’t bring my self to attend the burial. My last thoughts of him, 6 feet under.. I couldn’t do it. I never wanted that thought to be mixed up in all the memories I hold  🙁
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition..and unspeakable love.
The 10 Paradoxical Commandments to true happiness.

The 10 Paradoxical Commandments to true happiness.

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I came across this quote recently and felt that I must share it with you. It is beautiful and thought provoking. I hope you enjoy it.


“The Paradoxical Commandments

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.”
― Kent M. KeithThe Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council

Climbing out of a hole? Surviving heartbreak.

Climbing out of a hole? Surviving heartbreak.

The day it all started was like any other. I woke up in the morning went over to kiss her after the normal “oh, How did you sleep?”. I would like to say I never saw it coming but that is not true. I knew it was coming I just hoped it was all in my head. After all i was told that “ as long as I am still here you have nothing to worry about” and my naive self I believed her. Well not really believed it was, more of hoped it would be true. I guess in my own way my ego could not accept that the me as I was, could ever not be good enough. My pride really did need a reality check.

I remember that day more than any other day in my life because on that day a lot of things changed for me. I guess it was the birth of a new person maybe more like a reincarnation than a new birth.

We had been to the shops during the day, had lunch together and at some point in the evening it all happened. I know you probably think it was a big row that led to something else and some day’s I wished it was, as that way I would have been able to justify to myself or rather hide behind the fight and not have to accept the real problem.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. So we got back from the shops and that was when she told me that she felt “we” needed some space. “A chance to re-evaluate our relationship” I was told. We needed to break up in a real way, not time apart or a brief split but an actual break-up so we can see if we really chose each other. I guess at the time I thought “you know what”, “How bad can that be?”. I knew what I wanted but if she really wanted to do this then I had to accept this at some point.

I guess I figured out in my own naive way that “most guys are assholes these days, I am sure she would go out and find out that I am actually a saint compared to them all. “The best amongst equals” I assumed. I guess my ego had been so drunk on naivety and smoked so much false sense of importance it was in its own world. I mean in retrospect, what a huge ego trip, to imagine I truly felt that I was better than over a billion possible candidates out there. I will hide under the excuse of youthful stupidity.

I mean think about it. I felt she was perfect in every way yet I thought that no other person out there would see that. Sometimes these days I wish I still had some of that “huge level of self grandiose feeling”.

Anyway I digress again. This isn’t really a story about heartbreak it is a story of survival. A few weeks after the break-up it really set in that this was real. This was not some temporary thing. I had really lost the lady I loved. I guess it sort of hit the spot when I once had to drive her to a date. I think I broke down and cried like a fat kid whose ice cream had been taken from him. I felt she was mine and no-one else’s yet I failed to realise she wasn’t a possession I had bought in the shop.  Her heart was not mine to own, it was hers to give.

Back to the break up, so as the days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months I realised how desperately I wanted her back.

I don’t think I have ever grown up as much as I did during that time. For the first time in my life, through the eyes of the guys she dated I started to see the man I wasn’t. I wasn’t as great as I thought I was, I was not as caring, I was not as giving and surely not as thoughtful. I was a lot of things but a great catch really was not it. I dint deserve her especially in comparison to how I saw her. I realised in that period that you truly cannot force someone to love you. You really only have to be someone that can be loved and hope they love you back. Their heart is theirs to give and not yours to own or posses. To anyone that is just about to lose someone they love very much it will do you a world of good to know this to be true. I mean really know it and not just read it. A person’s heart and love is theirs and theirs alone. It is a gift we can never own but must always earn. The minute we forget this, love sometimes starts to dwindle away. While true love can take a while to lead to separation there are a few things worst than lack of love in a relationship.

Anyway, I digress again. After over a year of this break-up and several changes, I finally started feeling again. I realised that I know longer wanted or loved this lady to feel complete. I loved her because with her I wanted to be a better man. I wanted to grow. I no longer needed to be with her but just wanted to be with her.

Being unemployed started to hurt more than it would have if I was still with her. I wanted to be a better man. Now I won’t b*****t you, heart break really hurts. It drains you of everything. I have never felt so much pain without actually having physical pain in my entire life. You question yourself at every turn and the worst part is that the pain seems to never go away. It is there in the morning, it is there at night. In some cases it even becomes an obsession.  I guess the best way to know if it has become one is to ask yourself a two part question, “is getting her back about love? Or is it now just a project?” “Could someone else realistically be better for you?”.

I survived this by a number of ways. I swore to myself that even if it kills me, another year will not pass by and I would still feel the same (In other words: taking full responsibility for change). I realised that though it is true that I wasn’t as good as I thought I was I still wasn’t un-lovable (in other words: Get some self respect, only make sure it is realistically mixed with true self reflection). I knew I wanted her but I wasn’t going to crawl anymore (although I never told her that though).  I could finally re-evaluate what I really wanted from her and not base it on only my feelings. My head could get involved as well. I knew I wanted this girl but I was going to try to do it the right way (In other words: It is okay to want the same person just make sure it is for the right reasons. This doesn’t make you a weak person it just makes you a dedicated person if it is not an obsession anymore).

My self confidence came back. I was still very attracted to this lady. I still wanted her but my motives were real. It meant any time I did anything for her, I no longer felt like it earned me brownie points. It was just what you do regardless of reward.

I know it sounds quick and really obvious but it really works. Do you know how I know it does? I presently have a job that matter’s , a house, a wife and hopefully in the future at some point kids as well. I have a good and very happy life now and I have never felt more confident in my life than how I do now. Guess who I married?

In summary if you want to survive a heart break

A)     Re-evaluate everything you feel was great (it could not have been that great if it led to a break up).

B)     Never be ashamed of love or give your ego a chance to over-ride your heart.

C)     Never give your emotions a chance to over-ride the right thing to do.

D)     If you love some-one then you love them. What the hell can you do about it? Accept it and if it goes away then accept that to.

E)      Gain some self respect my friend. People generally do not love people they cannot respect and people can see when you have no self respect. Don’t be the fat kid without the ice cream.

F)      Accept that just because you worked on yourself and you are now “a better person” in your own head does not give you direct authority over someone. They don’t have to love you back no matter what you do so make sure if you decide to change you do it for the right reason.  It must be a change for you not just because of someone else.

G)     Wait and see. Do not over think it. I know it’s hard but if it is meant to be. It really will be.

No matter what happens if you gain some self development and a new lesson then great. Someone will find you and someone will see you for you.

I will leave you all with this quote. Success is when preparation meets opportunity (Henry Hatman). Good luck and God bless. If you have any additional questions leave a comment and I promise to reply ( as soon as I can).

Let’s talk you never know who can help.





I remember the very first time I came across Emotional intelligence. I was so fascinated by it as it tied in with the ideas I felt my life had been teaching me. It seemed like someone had taken my mistakes through wrong reactions and tested them and after doing that he came up with a theory. It was brilliant yet so simple. I had made so many mistakes and taken so many wrong turns.  I wished there would have been an easier journey to make this conclusions but I guess I learnt so someone else does not have to.

I should probably point out that these are just the opinions of one man and as such there is a high probability you might not agree in total. If you don’t then please by all means share with us all (in the comments section). After-all isn’t that the whole idea behind this site.

I guess before I start to talk about emotions and gaining control I should at the very least talk (even if ever so briefly) about emotional intelligence and what it really means.

Here it goes, please try not to fall asleep just yet. 🙂

Emotional intelligence is a form of intelligence rising to fame by Daniel Goleman in his 1995 book rightly called “Emotional Intelligence”. He defined it as Emotional intelligence is the innate potential to feel, use, communicate, recognize, remember, describe, identify, learn from, manage, understand and explain emotions.

Goleman identified the five ‘domains’ of EQ as:

Knowing your emotions.

Managing your own emotions.

Motivating yourself.

Recognising and understanding other people’s emotions.

Managing relationships, ie., managing the emotions of others.

Emotional Intelligence embraces and draws from numerous other branches of behavioural, emotional and communications theories, such as NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Transactional Analysis, and empathy.

Goleman believed that IQ contributes about twenty percent to the factors that determine life success.

Whether you believe that emotional intelligence as an idea is real or that it determines success in life or not, the fact of the matter remains. Human beings have over 6,000 emotions and you either control your emotions or they control you. The way I see it, emotions must be controlled to avoid making potentially bad decisions. I learnt that this unfortunately is not a magical process that occurs as you grow up. It takes time and willingness to try to achieve this and nothing shows you just how much you lack this as a relationship that doesn’t go how you want it to.

To be able to control your emotions you must first of all truly get to

Know your emotions. There are probably over a million ways we feel, but scientists have classified human emotions into a few basics that everyone can recognize: disgust, joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, anger, and anticipation.

However according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association there are four major emotions that give us the most trouble, These are anger, fear, anxiety, and depression.

After knowing your emotions we must accept that that emotions don’t just appear mysteriously occur. In other words you were not born angry or in-love. Many times, we’re at the mercy of our emotions on a subconscious level but by bring them to consciousness we are better able to control them. I have never advised anyone to repress their feelings or ignore them as it always inevitably means that it gets worse and could lead to a psychotic break (in extreme cases). A simple exercise could be to try to keep a small diary of your emotions and what triggers them and rate your emotions on a scale.

Try to be aware of what was happening at that time and what was going through your mind. Find out what triggers that emotion. Sometimes it could be as simple as the look in someone’s eyes. Whichever way this will help you also determine if your emotions are irrational or provoked.

At this point I will have to trust that you have your best interest at heart and would like some help on this so I will need you to write down what evidence (proof) supports this emotion and to also write down what evidence supports that this might be incorrect or misplaced feelings.

Now we must move on to a little bit of introspection. Ask yourself if there is another way to look at the situation that is more rational and more balanced than the way you might have seen it before? Keep in mind first glance can be very deceiving and you just might be surprised at your own honesty and result.

Next I will need you to take time out to consider your options. There is always an alternative way to re-act even when someone tries to kill you so know that there is always an option. To be perfectly honest in most cases there are three main possible options. The first being react, second do not re-act and the third re-act in the opposite way of what you normally would have done.

After you have considered your options on how to re-act to the situation or feeling. You must make a choice. Your choice will usually be based on principles or logic. In other words what matters the most to you or what is the most rational way to re-act.

Finally, the above steps show how to not let your emotions control your behaviour, but not how to change the emotions themselves. If you want to control your emotion you must change the way you see the world.

I borrowed some of these quotes from a personality test I developed when at University and I believe that every item here is a lie

I must be perfect in all respects in order to be worthwhile. The simple fact is that not a single person can ever be perfect

Because things in my past controlled my life, they have to keep doing so now and in the future. We all know that change is possible and our past does not guarantee our future. People change and sometimes they are completely different from who they were. In thoughts and in actions. It’s simply the truth.

I must be loved and approved of by everyone who is important to me. A simple fact of life is that not everyone will love you at least not the way you might want them to; you either accept it or be destroyed by it.

 I can be as happy as possible by just doing nothing and enjoying myself, taking life as it comes. I think it is quite likely that nothing will drive you closer to despair and depression like doing absolutely nothing or why do rich people still work?

 Misery comes from outside forces which I can’t do very much to change. I accept that it isn’t always our fault when things don’t go according to what we want but we must learn that how we deal with it is ultimately our choice.

 When people treat me unfairly, it is because they are bad people. Let’s be honest everyone is a mixture of good and bad and that includes you, so don’t be a hypocrite as we all make mistakes.

 If something is dangerous or fearful, I have to worry about it. I learnt that worry adds nothing to you. Not a single thing so it surely does not help solve a problem.

 It is easier to avoid life’s difficulties and responsibilities than to face them. I agree that it is easier but the truth is that it is not wise as we are who we are because of what we have been through and sometimes we learn life-long lessons in some of our most painful times.

It is terrible when things do not work out exactly as I want them to. No one can predict with accuracy the course of their life so it cannot be terrible if it is not something peculiar to you;.

You see controlling your emotions can change your life and gaining a new view on life will dramatically redirect your life. The first time I noticed this was when I went to a church in Edinburgh and I was completely baffled at how the people in the church seemed to not have a care in the world when they sang praises to God. No-one spoke to me but I could see it in them that this was real unexplainable peace. Something I had longed for, for so long and was struggling to find. I was very certain that these people had the same anxieties I possessed but dint understand how it seemed to all dissolve and then it hit me. It dissolved away because their perspective on their life changed. Their problems did not magically disappear. Their life did not change but what they felt because they knew God was in control of their life affected their outward appearance and demeanour. This is what happens when broken relationships and marriages get mended. They simply got a new perspective and then they learn to appreciate what they thought was a failure. Sometimes this is all it takes to see what was there all along and what was obvious to everyone but you.

Surrounding yourself with positive things and looking at life form a different view will certainly help you live a happier life and review everything you once thought was a train wreck. It’s simply like someone with cataract getting a new pair of eyes.

I learnt that we can spend our whole life looking for something we felt was missing and return home to find it was always right beside us. I also learnt that irrational emotions is often the reason why we never see it.

I will end this post with a story I read as I think it best describes what I hope you (the reader) will get out of this

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer’s showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man’s name embossed in gold. Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, “With all your money you give me a Bible?” He then stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and a wonderful family, but realizing his father was very old, he thought perhaps he should go to see him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make the arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.

When he arrived at his father’s house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father’s important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. As he was reading, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer’s name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words… “PAID IN FULL”.

How many times do we miss blessings because they are not packaged as we expected? Or love because they don’t look or act exactly as we felt the package would be? Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.

Sometimes we don’t realize the good fortune we have or we could have because we expect “the packaging” to be different. What may appear as bad fortune may in fact be the door that is just waiting to be opened.

—— “Essay” China Daily

If you are lucky to have a job, work hard at it. If you are lucky to have friends, cherish them. If you are lucky to be loved unconditionally by someone embrace it and don’t look back, no one said life would be easy they only said it would be worth it. All you have to do is enjoy it.

I hope in some small way I helped make your life just a little bit better and give you a little more perspective than you began reading. I hope that after reading this you would look back at the number of times in life that you fell down and see it as the number of times you stood up and fought. Reading this was another step in that direction so take heart in the fact that you chose to try and not to lie down and drown.

The tongue of truth (By May Bint Abu-Qalbain)

The tongue of truth (By May Bint Abu-Qalbain)

If only we realised that a smile is a contagious ray of sun, we would brighten the world.

In times at best, optimism is the most valuable quality. If only we knew we would race to prosper.

In this temporary world of spoken amiss, we wish for happiness.

From the glow in a daughters eye, exposed internal bliss.

We all have the same goal, but strive to force feed our purpose, with what we assume to be and intelligent choice. When in reality it’s worthless.

Happiness is life’s lock and how frantically we search for the key.

To be eternally satisfied is to be a caged bird set free.

Equality is a tooth of our answer.

Hence ignorance is a disease which kills a heart before a soul, exceedingly deadly yet curable unlike cancer.

Contentment is the sweetest thing a life could ever taste.

A good deed erases enemies through sincerity; such a deed can never be replaced.

So hasten to success, hasten to the evil past which the latter will erase,

It’s one difference at a time which makes the earth a better place.


By May Bint Abu-Qalbain

Can you write? Do you have a true story to tell? Send us your story for a chance to win from £100

Can you write? Do you have a true story to tell? Send us your story for a chance to win from £100


We are looking to publish some of the greatest stories from real people about real events in their lives and real lessons learnt.

We are offering prizes from £100 for the best stories and the stories with the highest views so don’t just post your story (using the submit your story link) get your friends to read it as the grand prize goes to the most read story. We would also love you to add a picture (of anything, no nudity or sexually explicit pictures allowed) to your story to personalize the content.

We will also publish in hard copy the very best stories and all credit will be given to the writers/authors. We are presently collecting the best stories for our 2013 collection. For a chance to have your story in some of the biggest libraries and bookshops in the world visit our website, submit your story and promote your story.


You can find us on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Google+ and more (If you follow us on either Facebook, twitter or Tumblr you will get an update when your post has been approved and posted)

To submit your tale simply go to our site DIRECTLY (not the social networking sites).

THEUNDERDOGTALES.COM (Use the link that says submit your tale)

This site is dedicated to the people out there who have a story to tell that the world needs to hear. A lesson to teach that is unique to your own experience. A lesson from your life’s lecture notes. We are calling all “underdogs” out to tell their stories.

For anyone that does not know it yet, an underdog is a person popularly expected to fail. We want your success stories. We want to learn from you. We want to be inspired by you. We want to be taught by you. We want your story to be the one the world hear. The one that inspires a generation. We want real stories from real people about real events. Feel free to change characters names but inspire the world with a tale that only you can tell.

Welcome to our website (yes, that’s true mine and yours). What we will provide you with is a platform to tell the tale. All credit will be given to the writer so feel free to include your names (if you want). We want to inspire the world with the tales of real people about real events.

Our united goal (with your help) is simple. We want to inspire the world with tales from real people about real events.


“If we stand tall it is because we stand on the backs of those who came before us“….Proverbs


By entering your post into this website it will automatically be entered into the competition and could also feature (With all credit given to the author) in our 2013 edition. GOOD LUCK.



Tip of the Iceberg

Ideologies separate us, dreams bring us back together

When I was only a few years old I started to ask myself questions about life. I wanted to know everything, the evolution of man, the differences in skin colour, creation of the earth but as I grew older my questions became more specific. Like what motivates us? Who are we? If not who are we then why are we the way we are? Why are we the same yet so different? Why are we (i.e humans) here? This eventually led me to pursue psychology as a first degree.

I wanted to know everything so I read about religion, not an in-depth reading but a fundamental understanding and just as each religion provided solutions they also raised questions. So I looked at science and that just seemed to complicate things even more. What was I to do?

Then a few years ago it hit me. The problem wasn’t the information I was getting but the way I was interpreting it.

This might be a little complex to understand but I will try to simplify it as much as possible. This is something I think I can term Multiple Directions theory (MDT) I realised that as I was being fed different information about different causes my brain almost quite automatically kept some aspects of the information (each theory) without necessarily synchronising it as a whole. The more I tried to synchronise it the less sense it made. My only option was to either build a hybrid theory (mixture of the two) or discard every information obtained and start again.

Maybe an example might help to explain this a bit better. If I was to explain a flight from Aberdeen to Amsterdam and I start to go into details as to how the pilot controls the aeroplane, the engineering mechanisms involved, the aeroplane speed and what makes it glide successfully, what altitude then I suddenly tell you that it goes out of the earth close to the moon, then down again directly into Amsterdam.

As a whole you should discard my theory and want nothing to do with it as you might be aware that intercity planes don’t fly out of the earth’s atmosphere but subconsciously your mind would have recorded the parts that make sense. The next question would be filling the gap/ the missing information (not starting again).

The next assumption is when you hear another theory that supposedly provides a different view of a flight from Aberdeen to Amsterdam. Your mind might seem to process the information as a whole, but in reality what we do not know is that we are processing this information in relation to our previously accepted information and trying to correlate them (It’s like hearing two different witness testimonies and trying to find out what parts are the same). Ideally as a rational being if a story is not totally complete and consistent it must be said to lack validity and reliability but I appeared to disregard that rule and piece things together based on my mixed information. This is something we are not aware we sometimes do

This basically means the more we hear, the more explanations that are provided. The less correlation we would be able to make and the further away we get from the answer we previously set out to get.

We do not realise that our confusion is not always necessarily brought about by the inability of each explanation to define a situation holistically (in wholes rather than analysis or separation into parts) but by a lack of synchronisation from the little parts of “accepted” information.

This view is in many ways different from the Gestalt theory (is a theory of mind and brain that proposes that the operational principle of the brain is holistic, parallel, and analogue, with self-organizing tendencies; or, that the whole is different from the sum of its parts, The word Gestalt in German literally means “shape” or “figure”) in psychology.

I feel I must at this point state that I do not disagree with the gestalt view of a holistic approach but I do think it applies more to visual situations than mental cognition.

In simpler words, our perceptions are more individualistic and units related than we consciously realise. This can be found in situations where we say one thing and do another.

All I am trying to explain in simpler terms is that the way we interpret the information we receive is what forms our understanding of the world, it determines what we believe and what we act upon. Not the information we receive, so take a moment and realise that sometimes our interpretations might not be right even when the information is the same. It will help you avoid conflicts and lead to greater self-development.

When we mis-interpret information it often leads to mistakes that we sometimes blame ourselves for. Think of how many questions you answered wrongly during your educational development that you know were because you dint read the question right (interpretation) and how many times you blamed yourself for it.

Don’t be afraid to take a minute to re-think of an answer you think without a shadow of doubt to have gotten right. You just might have interpreted the question wrongly.

Build you competence by being willing to go back and take another look at what you think you know. Things are not always what we think they are. Trust your instincts if you have good ones. It sometimes helps.

NB: These are just my views feel free to disagree to give your own views. I am always open to a good logical disagreement.




3D And Fantasy Girls (81)

As swift as the falling orb her voice rises

From east to west her steam blows

With anger no man can calm

It consumes everything just like the ravage forest fire

That feeds on the village homes

Unforgiving yet without enemies

Most wonderful, most divine

Her warmth is like a distance away

Her peace is like a  promise unmade

Yet when it comes,

With it brings the peak-abo

With it brings an echo so smooth

So calm that every man obeys her words

Not questioning their very sanity and reasoning for which she attacks

She is more trouble than the drake passage of Antarctica

I wait in the distance for her grace and calm

For in that moment her true beauty shines

Often under-rated but never forgotten

Her timeless beauty is made known like a faultless diamond

Even closed eyes can still see its glow afar

I speak to unleash a soul that all young men desire.

A soul that often gets over-looked

An ageless beauty. A precious friend.

Her smile so defined that no Goddess ever made by man ever surpassed

that through all this she may someday truly know

That the ones we love the most are the ones that hurt us the most.

To the lady in the shadow with a soul of an angel

The lady in the shadow as stubborn as a mule

Remember all things good and forget all things past

To forgive is  to truly let go

Holding unto nothing but the promise that one deserves another chance

Release what makes you true

For life is un-certain in and all we have is right now

For in life no-one is perfect

Surely not me

Though you come close.

For in your heart we hear the world beat one decibel at a time

For in your smile the world knows God really exists.


By theunderdogtales








It is an age old question. Do you fall in love (spontaneous) or pick who we love (spend some time to consider everything)? Which one is forever?

While some people never have to ask this question (lucky ones) for some of us we need to decide. It might seem like quite an irrelevant question but it is a very important one. Do you let all your emotions do all the work in your love life or do you give your brain a chance to help out?

One sunny afternoon while in university, two of my female friends came over to my house in school because it had been a while since we were able to catch up. I was so excited to see them. The only thing was that they had forgotten to tell me that they would be coming with someone else. Where do I even begin to start in describing this lady? She was so beautiful to me. She had the perfect smile, the perfect size, the perfect height and she even dressed perfectly. Her name was so unique; I had never heard it before. Ooh! It was love at first sight.

Days after the visit, I could not get her out of my mind. I just had to see her again. I asked my friends who eventually introduced us. I spent every day over the next 3 weeks with her. We had exactly the same experiences, our families were alike, we coped with things the same way and even knew exactly how the other one felt about certain things even before we discussed it. It seemed like we grew up together and saw the world the same way. It was so exciting I missed classes just to be with her and I simply could not get enough of her. Everything you can imagine you feel during love. I felt it all (heart beating fast, nervous to the point it becomes draining).

We started to date and within a month she said “I love you” and I said the same back. I was so happy I cannot even begin to express by how much.

One evening while at home I decided to give my new love a call (just to see how she was doing), we had only been dating for about 3 months then. It was a short call and at the end I parted with the usual “take care of you, I love you”. Then I waited for the reply but all she said was “take care, ok”.

This was a little weird but I could not make a big deal out of it. I ignored it and tried the same thing the next day. I got the same answer. I tried it the third time and I got the same answer. I could not ignore this anymore so I gave her another call and asked if there was anything wrong or happening with her that she wanted to talk about. After several reassurances that her life was fine, I asked her why she could not say “I love you” anymore.

She simply replied that “she did not know if she still felt the same way anymore”. I was relatively calm when I was told this and I asked her to take time out to figure this out (obviously assuming she would come back to me) and to tell me when she is ready to start dating again).

Two and a half years later I still did not get that phone call. Talk about a long wait, right?

I expect everyone would have their own example of a time when they fell hopelessly in love at first sight and how it ended.   It might have taken longer to end than mine but ultimately it must have happened in the same cycle ( Meet, like, love, reason, end). No matter how much you care about a person today it could all be over in a month. That’s just life.

I had spent all my time concentrating on the emotional side of things. The excitement and everything that love at first sight came with had completely clouded my reasoning. When I take a look back, this girl could not have been more wrong for me. Her history and signs showed so much and to be honest I should have known better. I got so lost in feeling lived that I forgot and made excuses for everything I had seen. I learnt it doesn’t matter why someone is the way they are, it just matter who they are now. If you are selfish from being alone, you are selfish and that’s all that matters, after-all every character a person shows gets there somehow. Remember humans are born with no character at all.

You see the main problem here was we had the same characteristics and my chance of becoming emotionally whole would have been eliminated. I am a big fan of being an individual and that’s not what I am talking about here. I know it would have been comforting to have someone who thought like you but it would have inevitably been crippling to have someone who never criticised or challenged you.

As I grew older I learnt to discard all those attributes and things we feel when we meet a new attractive other and focus on the things that make her “perfect for you”. It is important to be attracted to your partner but it is not the most important thing. This is simply because as human beings we already have the ability to identify and be passionate about even the simplest items (like a pen or book) if it is presented to us with the right perspective. So worrying about attractiveness is relatively unimportant.

Each and every one of us holds an innate psychological design containing some-what exact details about our life and the scars left by our experiences. This contains our fears, anxieties, defence mechanisms, our coping mechanisms and in some cases it is something we are not even aware about ourselves.

The amazing thing about this innate item is that it works like a scanner and gives us the capacity to identify another person’s psychological map. I believe that the people we are most attracted to are the people whose psychological design complements our own. We are often searching for similarities but we should be looking for differences. Please note that I am only talking about complimentary differences, nothing else.

I think I must state at this point that we should have already differentiated between our “real” self and our “ideal” self before thinking about this. If we do not know who we really are we might be searching for the wrong type of complementary characteristics. Like I tried to explain earlier If your first reaction to a very complex situation is anger even though it might be advantageous to see yourself as being gentle do not deceive yourself that you are gentle. This could result in you making a terrible mistake in relationship choices. We usually know ourselves best by how we re-act when we hit rock bottom not when things are great for us.

Now here is the kicker believe it or not but opposites attract. The purpose of this unconscious fit is to find someone who can complement our experiences. This could be someone who’s the same as us, but most likely we would be looking for someone we think we might be able to learn a thing or two from; someone who has developed coping mechanisms and defence mechanism that are different from our own. This would be someone that can provide a different perspective to any problem we might find ourselves.  This is often someone who has struggled with similar problems along the course of life but has come up with a different way of dealing with it. A way that we personally can appreciate them for. To put it quite simply, our ideal partner would be our best chance of becoming psychologically whole. The sad part is very often he could be the one you have trained yourself to ignore because her/his words are too close to the truth.

Although no two relationships are ever the same, there are still some ways to classify them. These classifications often happen unconsciously and shape our roles in our relationships.

Idol and worshipper– This happens when one partner puts the other on a platform, this often indicates an issue with competition or a fear of failure. To avoid any form of comparison, both partners unconsciously agree to play this game.

Master and slave–This is often found in relationships that existed before the feminist movement. There is uneven distribution of authority and control. The partner who avoids responsibility often obeys the rules of “Master character” and they often describe this as a laid back attitude and describe their partner as control freaks.

The run-a-ways– This type of relationship typically exists amongst teenagers but is not exclusive to them. Both partners have a fear of intimacy and in some cases rejection and they keep chasing each other. Occasionally the chase will swap around.

Birds of a feather– This is typically the couple that most people love to hate. They often believe they are in their own perfect world. They dress like each other, finish each other’s sentences, they hate the same things , share the same interests and believe it is them against the world. Chances are that you know at least one couple like this.

Parent and child type–This is actually more common than you might think. It is a relationship status characterized by dependency and trust in which one partner takes on the role of a child and the other the parent. The general idea here is that if they act needy and dependent their partner would take care of them. This however this often leads the “Parent partner” to deny the need for dependency and thus create later problem if they ever feel they might need it.

Warriors – on the surface these partners look as though they should never have even met. They argue incessantly over anything. They both avoid intimacy by living in a war zone. This are very intimate people and it usually a very bad idea to take any sides during an argument or to attack any one as they very often gang up when threatened.

My classifications are a little un-orthodox, based purely on observation and it is very possible to see some elements of your relationship in all or some of these categories. For example, in a time of grief and vulnerability you may act out the parent and child model, while many couples become like babes in the wood following the birth of a child. Or in times of financial struggle take on the warrior role.

Good or bad chemistry?

All categories serve a single purpose. They are designed to protect ourselves from potential anxiety. Chances are that we are not aware of this until something happens to change it. We all grow and mature, our needs change and our relationships need to adapt to those changes.

Very often in life we spend our time growing up through the years and we look for characteristics that complement our view of our self when we were kids (our ideal self) and we never remember to discard some of this as we grow up and become who we really are.

This often leads to varying interpretations of chemistry. What is good chemistry? Good chemistry is really simple to identify. It is when your relationship is simply effortless. When you feel like you could be naked and have a body full of embarrassing illnesses and still be able to show your SO (significant other). This is very rare to find and should be cherished when we are lucky to find that person.

Most people confuse an effortless relationship to signify a boring relationship. I believe it is quite the opposite. Along life either through television, books and instruments of socialisation we have been conditioned to believe that all the attributes associated with anxiety (such as a fluttering heart, butterfly in your tummy, getting hot all over) are actually signs of a fantastic relationship. While they may be signs of passion they are not signs of a lasting relationship and this is why very often when these feelings disappear people often assume their relationship is heading for the gutter. Understanding that an ideal partner is simply someone that is good for you, someone that makes you feel safe, someone you don’t have to be polite around or mind your quirky habits around, someone you can always count on and someone who you know will do anything to keep you safe. This would normally be someone that can see things differently from you and can provide you with a different perspective on any issue without disregarding your opinion. Like having two sides to a coin they are the ones that give you a shot at being psychologically and emotionally whole. This could be the difference in finding happiness and remaining happy. Let’s face it, people like that (designed specially to deal with you and all the additional stuff you bring) do not come very often.

However be alert and try to see people for what and who they really are. Do not project characters onto people just because they seem like they should be the one.

Most people learn this the hard way and very often they learn this is when the “ideal partner” has come and gone. This usually happens because as we grow up we often forget to discard the information we thought we knew about ourselves. We see the perceived best of us (based on our aspirations and what we feel we need to succeed) and often ignore the reality.

To explain that statement let me use an example. Stephanie wanted to become a singer when she was only 4 years old. It is all she has ever wanted to be and with every passing day her desire to be a world famous singer starts to grow. She spends every day practicing her tones and training her voice. The only problem here is that no one told Stephanie when she was growing up that she could not sing to save her life. Stephanie grows up projecting certain characteristics that are found with singers onto herself. She thinks she sounds marvellous, is very composed, courageous, very hardworking, very dedicated and a bit of a diva.

Along life Stephanie gets several very bad reviews but she always managed to convince herself that they were all not worthy of her “enormous” talent. Stephanie spends all her life trying to make a career in music and she never succeeds. At 60 years of age it finally sinks into Stephanie that maybe she was not as talented as she felt she was.

Stephanie thinks; “It is a pity it is too late to go change my career path, maybe I could have been a success at something else in life. Why wouldn’t anyone tell me I really could not sing?”

When you think about it with that pespective in mind, who would Stephanie’s ideal partner be? Would it simply be someone that saw her for what she was and managed to re-direct her without killing her passion to succeed? Would it be someone that complements her characteristics and will help her succeed not someone who is the same as her and who deludes her into continuing on this fruitless journey all her life. Wouldn’t you agree that the two sound more likely to be true?

When you pick whom you love, remember that it is not about using a person. You have to let the person pick you and you also have to be someone that can be loved. What I am trying to say is that to have a perfect fit you have to complete each other and not just be a one sided affair.

Love at first sight is a fleeting emotion. How do you really love someone you do not know? How do you love someone you cannot yet trust? How do you love someone that you don’t know their bad side (everyone has some)? I love the idea and the concept but to pursue it vigorously is unfortunately responsible for a number of failed relationships. When you meet someone for the very first time discard whatever feeling you might have for them (if only for a little while), good or bad and learn what makes them unique and right for you.

Take your time when you find yourself attracted to a person and learn the ways in which you can complete each other. See the fun in the person and when you meet someone that makes you feel safe, someone that makes you feel like you and someone that provides you with a psychological, emotional or mental edge. Hold it tight and know that it is yours for later in life all beauty and physical attraction passes away and nothing else matters.

Most men in their forties don’t brag about having the most beautiful wife. They brag about having the most caring wife. The most devoted mothers and the most thoughtful partners. To be perfectly honest you could probably find a similar argument in women of that age.


“Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of its trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse for impossibility, for it thinks all things are lawful for itself and all things are possible.” Thomas A. Kempis





3D And Fantasy Girls (16)


I know what you are thinking. Another boring writer who feels he has the answer to the everlasting question about the meaning of life. Well! You know what? I think for the sake of honesty I have to be honest and say I do not have a universal answer to the question. I have no idea what you might feel after reading this but I will share what I know. You decide after, ok?

A few days ago, I read an article online written and organised by John Riley and Geoffrey Klempner that asked the 10 big questions in life. This article comprised of what the authors felt were some of the most serious questions that were asked in life (some of which I have already thought about before reading his article) . The questions ranged from issues about artificial intelligence, the big bang theory, cultural relativism, life after death and so on but one of these questions really got me thinking not because it was a timeless question but because of the question that was asked about the question (Hope you understood that).

Michael Asked: “Given that reality is immense in comparison to myself, it is obvious that I myself, am not the most important thing of all those things in existence. Therefore, what I consist of is not important — my thoughts and ideas, such as love, happiness, etc. — everything that is personal to me. Having excluded all of those personal things, what is it that is most important then, of all things in existence? That is, in the processes of our making our choices in day-to-day living, what is it most reasonable to see as taking precedence over everything else, having already established that it cannot be anything of a personal nature?”

First of all let me start by saying that deciding the importance of something is a relative question and this is why we have so many different perspectives as to what matters. We might never have the same values and if we did the amount of passion we place on it might differ. It might be easy to see and understand Michael’s point of view but I agree with the dilemma he presents.

As individuals we are probably quite aware that if we did die today? Life goes on. It might sound cold bloded but it is true. The earth was there before we were born and it will still be there if we dropped off it.

So what does it matter. On second thought if we did something with our lives then our work will at least be remembered, right? Well to some level I guess that might be correct. But what happens when our theories become obsolete? Please do not kid yourself, it will become obsolete (well unless it’s a pure science theory and even that is arguable). So what is important?

Honestly, nothing is important individually. Not a single life or a single action. What becomes important is what we do collectively. Does your theory inspire a collective response (for this is the only way it would remain absolute)?

Examples of situations like this can be found when we look at the life work of Jesus Christ. According to the bible, Jesus lived till he was 33 years old but he did not start revolutionising the world for change until he was 30 years old. By my calculations it took him 3 years to change the way over 3 billion people live their lives forever. His works stood the test of time not just because he performed miracles and gave people during his time a real reason for existing. He was truly great (by every universal standard) because his legacy ensured a collective number of people will agree on something greater than themselves and by doing this find a new meaning to life and existence.

If you are not much of a fan of Christianity let me put it in another example. Darwin’s evolutionary theory suggest that human beings as we know them today started from a single cell organism (obviously that is a highly sumarrised version of it) yet today we know that the human body consists of over 6 billion of these. Can you see my point already? We exist today as whole individuals not unicellular organisms by the collection of cells working together to form and create something several hundred times greater than themselves as individuals. This has grown to the point that if one cell dies it does not affect the system.

I believe that the real meaning of life can be found in our collective experiences. Situations like families, nations, churches, institutions.

While we are allowed to do as we please as individuals it often does not bring any sense of fulfilment if it is not collective or there is no collective gain. We find this in our search to find love, to belong to something and to share wealth. A passion to be collectively responsible for something or someone greater than ourselves gives us a reason to live. This also serves as a point of reference when we are plagued with mid-life crisis and questions in our old age.

This however, comes at a price. We must lose our whole sense of identity. At this point I feel I must state that I am not advocating that we stop being individuals. I am simply stating what should be obvious.

There is an old saying that “little drops of water make a mighty ocean”. It is important to note that you are still very valuable as individuals. All I am trying to say here is that while we can gain satisfaction in acquiring wealth and having a loving heart our lives are incomplete without someone or a group to share it with.  Our life is given meaning by our existence with other individuals. Our life will be remembered through time only if our decisions today can be the light or the spark that lights a change in the hearts of people. A change that we can all embrace collectively not one that just changes the individual lives of a few.

For some people it takes a life time to discover this and by the time they do it is too late to enjoy it.

When you live life for our collective good it increases the depth, intensity and richness of your life and that of others for without it life simply is not worth living. This is where true love and happiness comes from and this is my meaning of life.

I have learned from experience that no matter what you have, achieve or what you are blessed with in life when you have no-one to share it with. Life simply makes little to no sense.

The meaning of life is to give life meaning. Do something for others and in that you will find true purpose.

LOVE AND LIFE:  Not Miss Perfect but Miss Perfect for me

LOVE AND LIFE: Not Miss Perfect but Miss Perfect for me



Not Miss perfect but Miss Perfect for me

Is it just me or is the world just full with several articles teaching you how to find and know Mr right. Almost everywhere you turn there is some relationship “guru” giving advice on how to be happy?  Only one advice from me but first a question.

How can you teach someone to find the perfect one when they themselves are not perfect? If you are not perfect why would Mr perfect or Miss perfect want to be with you? When you think of it should this realisation not put a hole in what you describe as Mr perfect? After all if you were Mr Perfect why would you settle for less (you) when you can get more? No-one is perfect so do not search for a perfect person because you surely would not find one. What you need is “The perfect person for you”. Some one that compliments your strengths and caters for your weaknesses (don’t be ashamed we all have some). If you are aggressive, someone who when he speaks it simply calms you down. Someone who deals with your difficulties yet still loves all that you are. Someone that sees potential in you even when you don’t see it in yourself (this person would have seen this from the beginning of the relationship).

Dante was 22 years old and for the first time in his life he was in love. Her name was Nicole and to Dante she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He thought he could never care about anyone the way he cared about her. She was so energetic and even though she was older she seemed to have an endless amount of strength.  Dante believed all of this because for the first time he went into a new relationship with absolutely no preconceived notions and no expectations of what he wanted her to be. He went in to be happy and that’s all he wanted to be. After all what better way to fall in love than to expect nothing in return.

After a few months Dante and Nicole moved in together. Dante was very happy to have his love next to him. She was anything but happy to have no choice as she had only moved in with him to make him happy not because she wanted it. This situation was one that poor Dante pretended to remain oblivious about because to him he would lose her if she left. After 2 additional years of what was the worst time of her life and what was sometimes the best of his life (two different perspectives) the inevitable could no longer be postponed.

Nicole had finally summoned up the courage to tell him she wanted to be out of the relationship. It had been over a year since she realised that she no longer had feelings for Dante and she could no longer pretend to him. When she finally told him, Dante was totally devastated. He had done everything he could to keep her yet she wanted out. He tried to improve, he tried to think more about her, he even took her out on dates a few times in what could be summed up to be a last minute desperate attempt to salvage what he thought he might still have with her. She was having none of it. For Nicole all she could see was a pointless life, a life of compromise and sadness. There was no amount of effort or change he could make right now that would make her see differently. Only real hope was a real miracle or if through some weird twist of faith; life gave them another chance.

Dante and Nicoles’s story is very similar to that of most couples in the stictest sense only (with regards to love coming and going).

This example help me to illustrate another devastating thing I learnt through life .You cannot make someone love you believe me on this I tried to once and it was no picnic as the end result was only heartache and extended pain.  All you can do is be someone who can be loved.  It is still up to them to decide.

I’ve learned that no matter how much you care some people just don’t care back. This means do not expect to be loved just because you love someone.

You must understand just because you love the person you are with and have given everything to your relationship does not mean they must do the same. I know that this idea might seem a little difficult to embrace but it is important to know that while matters of the heart are seemingly complex to “accept”, they are amazingly simple to understand. You just have to see it through the eyes of a true friend and not the person in the relationship.

I’ve also learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to does not mean they don’t love you with all they have for you at that time. A lot happens to people as they mature in life and very often, people do not know how to show love. Besides that there is no such thing as a universal method of showing love. Everyone has a different idea of how and what it is to show affection and what it is to be loved.

Understanding diversity in every form will help you accept things as they are and more importantly help you deal effectively with it. It caters for “individuality” in a relationship

For some people it just isn’t easy to show love or show they care, but please be careful when reading this for this does not mean that your partner that has not told you they love you after six years has the same problem. Or the guy that constantly shows you signs through his actions that his words are all he has is in the same boat. Do not confuse a good speaker with a doer. Life has taught me that everyone has dreams but not everyone does something about it.

It is vital not to make excuses for people. It is also a travesty to try to change people, it often does not work so do not even try, work on yourself only and If they really care about you they will work on themselves too. I know this because nothing in my life has ever revealed how flawed a person I was as when I fell in love and every day I just wanted to be better for her so much more than I wanted to see her change. It is also important to communicate effectively. When talking to a partner stick to the issue at hand, resist the temptation to bring in something that happened a while ago. If you have managed to get past a problem please let it rest or the issue appears to never have been solved. Do not wait for your ego to be satisfied you won first for there is really no victory when you win and hurt someone else.

Resolve things one at a time and most importantly pick your battle and learn how to pass across an important and emotionally charged message without becoming angry. Anger clouds everything (it is a black cloud). It stops you from seeing what is in front of you very much like love. Always go for only what complements you and not just what you feel you would enjoy only because what you enjoy today; you might not particularly fancy tomorrow.

Remember change is inevitable so look for things that do not change. If you are “lucky” enough to go through ups and downs before marriage (Yes! I said lucky enough). Look to see if the other half’s actions, feelings or emotions changed during your most difficult times together and if it did not.  Did she hate you because you became different of did she stay despite the rough ride?

Think again before you run along because something’s are harder to find than you might realise. Situations build character but only if you let it.

It is not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts. If you are lucky to find real love then love with all your heart and all you have for we have but one life to live.



A POEM To my unborn child.

daddys apple

I am writing this letter to my unborn child

From a fathers heart to a heart straight from my God

Who before its first breath my heart already loves

I love you more than even life can ever hold

My beautiful wife, what precious life you will bring

I love you even more for keeping you till this day.

I know its naive to love someone unknown

Yet in my silliness I feel at peace

For in your eyes yet unseen I know I shall come close to seeing my lord.

My child , My life,  what simple words to speak

Counting down the days have been the longest wait of my life

Soon I shall meet you , knowing my life will never be the same

To cuddle, to nurse, to kiss your tears away

To cherish, to keep warm all the days of your life

As every day passes and every fear rises

Wondering and praying that you will be all you can be

Looking to my Lord to keep you safe when I cant

Oh, how hungry I am to show you a wonderful world

To hold your tiny arms till you can walk on your own

And keep you in my strong arms till yours grow stronger than mine

My beautiful child don’t be lonely in heaven

Make friends there my child for no one can harm you there

Remember to say hello to the lord and tell him I am doing all I can

To be ready for his gift.

Tell him not to worry for I will do everything to keep you safe and remind you where you came from

My darling child, kiss his feet and tell him I said I know I am lucky for soon

I will have you in my arms.



There is light after the DARKNESS



I woke one morning looking through a dark room

thinking life’s moving too soon

No light to behold

No sign of troubles after

Wanting to fight yet not knowing how

for a second I gave up praying

nothing to believe in

Then I found your book,

A little hook was all it took

your word

Your heart, your soul

every word like freedom here, bringing me back to life like CPR

every promise a reminder that my story cant be over before it begins

No sitting here looking like life ain’t life no more

No point looking outwards for things you gave before I could walk

You taught me lord to walk proud

I had all I could

showed me the path

Walking the roads of champions

Push myself to the limit

Making a mockery of all the wisdom I acquired prior to your word

To those that say you will never make it,

those that used their words to do nothing but break you

we love you all

Those that felt you gave your all

No hard feelings

I thank you for your words

Your words made me who I am

If not for you I would never have fought

I would never have given my all to see those words untrue

Never have put it all in to ensure I dont believe those words

I thank you because I almost believed the words

I thank you because your words brought me to him,

your little reminders lifted me in a way I will never have found

I learnt opinions ain’t facts, you take it and let it be

I learnt to walk in nothing wearing nothing but my heart on my sleeves

And the days courage walked away I learnt to run out and pull it back

Being who you are comes from the heart

Telling you, that you can be all you set out to be means nothing if you don’t see it yourself

And if you cant see it now, look through the eyes of the one that never sees you as less

Look through the eyes of the one that doesn’t tell you one thing and act differently

Walk with me brothers and sisters

Leave all those lies behind

Let me show you the path I found for I know I can never walk alone

The father walks with us all

Reminds you of things long forgotten

For as long as he reigns,

your life,

your story hasn’t even started yet.






I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to does not mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And, just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt, and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned that heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you can’t. What have you learnt?

Share with us all in the comments page what you have learnt…




If I asked you who you were what would you say? Would you describe yourself based on past achievements (things like education, career and personal achievements)? Would it based on items and things acquired through the years (cars, jewellery, houses and properties)? Or would you describe yourself based on internal factors (things like interests, intelligence, motivation, values, self-concept, self-efficacy, self-esteem or personality)?

Whichever direction you choose to go you might still not be able to define yourself in a unique way. This brings the question, what makes you unique? What makes you stand out from the crowd? What is that one thing you believe others do not have?

It could be something that others have but yours is of a varying intensity. Think of qualities like courage, determination or maybe it is something eccentric or quirky. Well whatever it is when you find out it could be the thing that allows you succeed and form your own niche area.

Let me borrow 6 worthwhile quotes before proceeding to explain.

While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die — whether it is our spirit, our creativity or our glorious uniqueness ~ Gilda Radner

We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light. ~ Mary Dunbar

Rejoice in who you are! It is your uniqueness that will breathe life into your art. ~ Lisa Campbell Ernst

Meeting people unlike oneself does not enlarge one’s outlook; it only confirms one’s idea that one is unique. ~ Elizabeth Bowen

Cherish forever what makes you unique, ‘cuz you’re really a yawn if it goes! ~ Bette Midler

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ~The Bible Psalm 139: 14

Before we can tap on your uniqueness and turn it into your strength the first thing we have to do is to identify who we are now?

This is a lot harder than you might think. What I mean is that sometimes in life who we think we are is based on an “ideal” perception of ourselves rather than the “real” thing.  When we see ourselves through our “ideal” selves we see our self “the way things are supposed to be”. While when we see ourselves through our “real” self, we see things “as they are”.

Differentiating yourself from your unfinished ambitions and dreams (ideal self) allows you to get a realistic picture of yourself and puts you in a better position to see what it is about you that really makes you unique.

Our ideal self is a fantasy about who we might be. It is important to be honest when reading this because it is the only way I can help. By comparing the ideal with the real, we begin to see the gaps in perception we have created, the judgments we have made about ourselves, and the gaps that could be preventing us from fully living our lives in the moment as the person that we truly are.

Let’s try a simple exercise. I want you to get as many photographs as you can from your past along with an exercise book. Take each photograph and sort them out into ranges of every two years  and have a table of contents that has 3 parts in it, first containing time range (1987-1989, 1990-1992 etc.) the next containing attributes of what you thought you were then and the other containing everything you achieved during that range of time. Use the pictures from that time range to stir up memories of whom you thought you were.

Now cross compare, decide which characteristic you thought was responsible for whatever level of success you achieved.  If you find that you constantly refer to yourself as having a particular attribute (like courage) and over a significant period of time (say 4 years) there has not been a direct relationship then it is time to discard it. It probably isn’t you.

This is a simple exercise but must be done with absolute honesty. When you have completed this successfully all that you should be left with is a real description of who you are. This should contain characteristics that showcase exactly what your strengths are (the characters that you often rely on)

Now that we have discovered what we have it is time to use what we have. Develop your competitive strengths and turn them to what gives you a competitive advantage.

Michael Phelps has been deemed the world’s greatest Olympian He cannot run a 200km race, pole vault or throw a javelin. Michael has spent countless hours  (over 10,000 hours) working on what makes him unique and he has developed it into what has become his competitive advantage. The same thing goes in business and in our daily lives and even in romance (people can only love you for what you have, not what you wish/think you had).

Real success does not just come from playing to your strengths and playing down your weaknesses. It comes from self awareness and adaptability. If you overplay strength, it can soon become a weakness. What I mean by that is really simple. If you felt you were the world’s strongest warrior and you spent all you time developing your fighting skills. While you very well could be, at a certain point in your life you might find yourself getting a bit pompous and training less and this could be the difference between your continuing victory and your inevitable fall.

What could have been stopping you from arriving at your “competitive advantage” could be that you had spent a ridiculous amount of hours developing your weaknesses at the expense of your strengths. I dare you to spend time developing just one of your strengths and see what levels of change it will bring to your life.

This is a self help tool that can help bring you out of you shell but I must warn that whatever you term as a strength , it must be completely practical or it is pretty useless to develop and quite frankly a pure waste of time.

“We all wear masks and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing our own skin.” André Berthiaume.




Philippians 1:9-10 ‘And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ’. This verse describes smart love in 4 ways: it constantly grows, it deepens in it’s practical knowledge and insight, it opens our eyes to see God’s best for our lives and it enables us to be pure and blameless in His sight.

To truly love someone with smart love, we need to use our heads as well as our hearts. In other words don’t allow your emotions to dictate the course of a dating relationship.

To ‘know’ something is to understand it clearly and with certainty.

Insight’ is an instance of understanding the true nature of something, the ability to see the motivation behind thoughts and actions. No dwelling on what happens but knowing for where it came from.

Smart love in action is when you wait until you are ready for commitment before pursuing romance (in any form).

When love grows in knowledge, we then can discern what is best for our lives not just what we think we feel.

Seek guidance from “spiritual truth” not from your feelings. What does God say it should be?

When we make God’s glory and the needs of others first we receive God’s best for us.

God wants us to pursue purity and blamelessness in our motives, mind and emotions. God not only wants us to act differently but also think differently- to view love, purity and singleness from his perspective, to have a new lifestyle and new attitude.

Are you still tempted to accept our culture’s idea of romance instead of the Bible’s? I do sometimes because it seems easier and it feels good.

Romans 6:23 ‘For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ This verse brings both warning and hope. It is to walk away from an intimate relationship with someone but there is hope for us. Pursuing the world and it’s pleasures is tantalizing but we know obedience to God brings the best life.

A while ago I looked up on the internet what the difference between being in love and loving someone was, so here is what I found: ‘To be in love describes the excitement, passion, and sense of worth that a person experiences when they are involved with someone. It is a personal experience.To be in love is to find a sense of worth from another persons view of you.

To love someone means that you give them care, concern, friendship and affection willingly. You respect them, understand that they are as human as you and do make mistakes, but that they are a good, capable, responsible person whom you enjoy spending time with. Your affection does not wane with distance, and you do not grow bored of them with time. Neither do you idealize them.’

The bible describes love in 1 corinthians 13 as

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.



Motivation comes in short bursts.  Always act while you still are, for motivations are only useful till they have been achieved.

I remember my very first job interview in the uk. It was a hot day (unusual for Scotland). I was as nervous as you can imagine. In the middle of the interview, I was asked a question that made me ponder for a while. Little did I know it would be the same question I would be asked in every single interview throughout my life. The question was what keeps you motivated now and what would be your motivation in five year’s? The question is quite simple to answer but I think it is one of the most pointless questions you can ask a person.

My reasons are simply that whatever keeps me motivated to work now and write would most likely not be my reasons for continuing in a few years and I have absolutely no idea what my motivations would be in five years. Or can we see the future? Nevertheless, I understood her point and what she really wanted to know.

When I was 15 years old all I lived for was to find a way to buy a car. I worked to buy a car, woke up with nothing but that thought in my head, even left my home country to go abroad and work a bit so I can afford my dream BMW. It seemed like I could do almost anything for that car. Three cars later as you can imagine I did not care about that anymore. Then there was University and I thought it was all about making good grades and towards the end of my first degree. I felt it was all about self-improvement so I can get a good job. During these period/ stages in my life nothing else was more important. Today it is all about achievements for me. Constantly working to make the lives of people that I care about better and believing I will get to a point where I can help much more than that. Improving my life and learning as much as I can. Teaching with whatever little wisdom I have, how to get on and do great things in life and hopefully transfer my knowledge to someone else who might need it.

Whatever it is you feel motivated to do, go ahead and do it. Do not waste time contemplating on how you would do it, grab the moment.

That little period of motivation could be the defining point of your life and what a tragedy if that day comes and we do nothing about it. If you are artistic use your arts. If you are creative, create something. Be bold and act.

During my masters years I worked as a carer for the elderly. I remember a conversation I had with a man named Steve. Steve was 78yrs old and he had been diagnosed with dementia. He had brief moments of lucidity and when they came he spoke about his life. Steve was a former farmer who later went on to serve in the army. He had spent his whole life on the farm and his parents had died when he was young and shortly after that he enlisted into the army. According to him, he had wanted nothing more than to be a song writer. Steve confided in me and told me that he often had some very beautiful song in his head but often found out that every time they came even when it was just a few lines. He was either knee deep in Animal leavings or in active battle. He felt that he never had a pen to write things out and never managed to complete a single song. This little tragedy had haunted him all his life that his last desire before he dies was to complete just one song. I cared for Steve for almost a year and watched his health deteriorate and watched him never complete a song. The world would never get to know if Steve was right. Maybe Steve was really the greatest song writer that could have been?


I promised myself that it would never be me. I would work when motivated, write when motivated and act when motivated. Life would never pass me by with such regret. What a catastrophe if we miss out on the one thing we are most suited for.

I think the point of this is really clear and simple so I won’t ramble on about it. It is a bit of a cliché to say never give up on your dream but I believe that we should never stop for as long as we are still motivated.  Aim with everything you are and work with everything you have, remember that whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well.

So don’t just be motivated, Work it till you have nothing left to offer.

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom”. Ecclesiastes 9:10 (The Bible NIV)




journey to school


Competence gives confidence.

Ever wonder why all our lives we sometimes dream of what we want to be. We spend several years trying to form our ideas of what and why that role or position is all we want to be. music, business, money, art, God. We dedicate everything we have and will ever have to it, and it always seems like a struggle. Some of us make our dreams come true, while others struggle all their life and it never happens. This chapter is for those that have not made it. Trying everything to get to what we want.

If I asked you what you want to be? I am quite certain that the answer would rarely be I don’t know. So why haven’t you made it. Please note I did not ask you why you haven’t tried. I know you have tried; the fact that you are reading this chapter is another effort towards your goal.

Let’s try a simple exercise and see what point you fall off, obviously as you can imagine I need you to be honest with yourself, After all no-one is reading this but you.

When did you get your first feel the desire to aspire to your dream? How old were you? Have you reviewed your dream and your capabilities? Do they match? How did your first rejection feel? How did you re-act? What did you honestly learn from it? Was what you learnt of any use? Did you become better or worse after? Did you implement it or discard the lesson learnt? Did you try again? How old were you when you tried again? Did you fail again? Have you given yourself another review? How did you feel? Has your desire been completely drained from all the disappointments?

You are probably thinking at this point that if you did not do a single one of these things then there might be a chance that you did not recover from your first failure the way you ought to have. Recovering and pushing on through an ambition is the only way to self-actualise.

I remember on hot summer afternoon looking at myself through the window of a car glass on the street and asking myself. What happened to you? How did you get here? Where did it all go wrong?  The knowledge that I could not understand it at all was so overwhelming and so soul crushing that I don’t think my words can accurately describe it. I am quite sure that at some point some of you reading this book have felt that pain before. It could be with regards to weight gain, to facial changes, to love, even to career decision. When I felt it, it was a combination of career frustration and lost love.

I spent so long looking for what happened assuming that if I just knew how I screwed up what looked like a bright future I might find consolation in my present situation. Well, to be perfectly honest I never satisfactorily figured it out. At every point my idea of what took place was re-buffed. This was the breaking point for me. It hit me like a raging storm the day I realised that I had spent so much time waddling in my own questions ( or the proverbial pool of mud) that I had forgotten to get do something about my situation. Over a year had passed and I was not any better. The real question was not in the why. It was in the how and what. How do I get up from here? How do I move on? What do I do from here? What do I need to move on?

How do I actualise my ambition? Just this simple change in perspective led me on to great ideas. One of which is what you are reading. I had a new lease on life. I opened up my first company and I started out my long term business plan (no more short sporadic goals).

When you get to a point in your life that you genuinely do not care how you messed up or what you did wrong. The day you learn to stop condemning yourself for what has happened and for all the possibly poor decisions you have made. It is at this point that the really juicy ideas come out. It’s like your brain is on fire and ideas are the smoke. Not all of them will be guaranteed to be successful but just keep in mind you need only one to be successful to get your head start.

Like I said earlier this book is not to pretend like if you follow a few get rich ideas, you will make it as a success. I just want to guide you unto your own path and the only way to do so is to help you see what had always been in front of you. If life has taught me anything, it is that just about anyone with the right mind set a good opportunity and a significant amount of hard work can make it big in life. Why should you be any different? Or do you really believe that when you make it out of your situation anyone will ask you about your failures.

I know this to be true because after I got out of my career situation not one person I knew and I had over 600 friends (I mean actual friends) asked me about what it was like when I had no job or What anxieties I had. The problem was always my blind sight and refusal to not just see what I was but what I could still become.



“Whatever you are, be a good one.” Abraham Lincoln




snail crawling

Relativity of Life

By now one must be asking oneself why it seems that every time you get closer to what you want it seems further away. Why every attempt at knowledge seems to raise new questions about what life is? Why it seems like we never seem to truly know something we think we know?

The answer is simple. It is the absolute relativity of almost everything we classify as knowledge. This I must point out at this point is only true when there is no moral, ethical spiritual or behavioural reference point as what you find in Christianity, Islam and a few other religions. Absolute relativism simply implies that absolutely nothing is Absolute. Knowledge is constructed not given. Knowledge is contextual not absolute.

Susan is 30 yrs young and married and is now contemplating a divorce. She lives in a small town in the north east of Scotland called Inverurie. On a bright summer day when Susan was 8 years old playing out with a couple of friends in her primary school playground she met a boy named Ben. It was love at first sight. Up until last month Susan was certain Ben was the only man she would ever love. She had known no other and Susan felt that any man that was not like Ben was no man at all. Ben was tall, handsome and charming. He was a great man and a passionate husband. Susan and Ben have been married for about 10 years now. But lately Ben is no longer like “Ben”. He isn’t as charming as he was, he barely listens anymore, he doesn’t take any time out to love her like he used to and he does not seem to appreciate her effort anymore.

Susan is confused. She decides to ask Ben. Ben doesn’t seem to know why. He isn’t even aware that he has changed. He thinks he is exactly the way he was. Susan thinks it’s a front/ cover up to some deeper emotional trouble.

Susan starts to think, what is going on? Why has he changed? Susan starts to think it might be that she gained a bit of weight? “But I have always been this way” Susan thinks. “Well maybe he is cheating on me” she answers herself. “Maybe he just doesn’t love me anymore; maybe I don’t need him anymore? Well if he doesn’t love me I won`t love him too”.

Susan`s world is scattered. Her organised life becomes chaotic and it doesn`t matter whether her pain is perceived or real her reaction is the same. It doesn’t matter whether he is just having an off period. It still isn’t the way it used to be. Susan attempts to reconstruct her world by attributing different explanations to something uncertain. After all how can it be certain when Ben himself might not know exactly why he changed or if he changed at all? Susan bases her decision to divorce him knowing that she might not know the real reason.

This example is obviously fictional but in some ways showcases some of our perception in real life. One must be able to point the most important aspects of this example.

Firstly, a perceived grievance is just as serious as an actual one. It doesn’t matter whether a man actually committed a crime or not, he will still be treated like he did as long as we feel he did. In simple words, would you leave a suspected paedophile alone with your kids even though a jury found him innocent? We are all guilty of this. Just accepting that it might be possible that we don’t know the absolute truth is the first and arguably the most important step. It shapes the next stage, the interpretation of the information.

When we truly understand that no knowledge is absolute but constructed we would understand that just because you were told leaves are mostly green doesn’t mean that they actually are (wasn’t it someone that decided on the name “green”, it really could have been called anything). One must learn/ train themselves to focus on only the facts. In other words whether a leaf is called green or not, it “photosynthesises” (this is a fact) It doesn’t matter whether my sister is here or not. I know she loves me; she doesn’t need to see me every day for me to know this.

How many times have you been wrong about people and situations? That footballer would never make it? My classmate would never amount to much? Education is the only way to success? Miracles don’t really happen? The earth is flat? Coloured people are inferior? My child is special? He/ She would always love me? Why have we not learnt that we don’t always know everything? Would this not help you argue less with people?

In life we never stop learning. We think we do, but we actually never stop every single piece of information re-shapes our understanding of the world and in turn reshapes our behaviour. Let me illustrate this by using an example.

Tom was a Christian, a God fearing man, he loved God with all his heart, and he always had. All of Tom`s life God was all he had ever known, Christianity was all Tom was and he lived by every word that came from the bible. When Tom was 27 yrs old Tom prayed to God for a partner that would love him and help him grow spiritually. Two weeks later Tom met Sandra at a church function. Sandra was beautiful, and just like Tom she had a heart for God. Tom and Sandra went on to get married and stayed married for 16 yrs, they had 3 beautiful daughters and a son. One winter afternoon Sandra had a ghastly car accident that left Sandra paralysed from the neck down and killed all of their kids.

Tom cursed God for he could not understand how his heavenly father would watch and allow this terrible thing to happen. 6 months later Tom committed suicide for he had always felt that his life was to serve God and now that he no longer believed there was a God there was no point living anymore. Tom was 45 yrs old.

I am sorry to use such a graphic illustration, it is simply to create shock and drive home my point. This event changed everything that Tom believed in. Tom who was 45 yrs suddenly decided that everything he felt he knew all his life to be absolute he no longer felt was the truth it reshaped his reaction and thus his behaviour. Tom`s situation is undoubtedly relative and obviously subject to interpretation (After all a worse situation happened to JOB in the bible but God used his problems to strengthen JOB`s faith, please read the book of Job 19:1-26 in the bible for an alternate way to re-act).

This example illustrates that at any time something can happen that would shake our world and if/ when this happens nothing that we learnt in the past would seem relevant. Remember at all times we are always simply a bad decision away from losing everything, love, life, loved ones, our house ,everything really. What we think we know today could mean nothing tomorrow.

I said from the beginning of this book. My sole purpose is not to make decisions for you (I have no right to), but to help you make better decisions, to understand situations better. Interpreting information right helps you make better decisions. It’s not rocket science it’s pretty obvious.

If you understand that what we think we know today may not be what we accept as the truth tomorrow and that this change in reality can/ would inevitably change our behaviour. Why do we not know that all it takes is a change in your partner’s environment to evoke a change in him or her. Life is always changing so he/ she would never always be the same person you met all those years ago. Why should Susan expect Ben to be the same guy? Why should you expect your husband not to change, dint you change yourself? After all your face or body isn’t the same or is it? Your urges, aspirations and motivations are different?

Why can’t we accept that people are not just one person all their lives, but different people at different stages of life. It is simply called maturing. The problem is that people often use this term as a label indicating the development of fully functioning adult parts. As humans we mature all our life. We never stop maturing. Every year your husband gets better. He learns more about your likes and dislikes, he learns how to please you both sexually and emotionally, how to make you smile when it counts and bring you down to earth when you need it. We never stop needing to learn. So who he was yesterday is not who he is today and might not be who he is tomorrow. The true disasters in character building happen when we refuse to learn or cannot learn any more. If you know this why is his/her change so unacceptable? If it causes a real problem (not a perceived or cautious problem) speak about it. If you are with someone that really wants to see you happy they would do something about it but be careful not to ask for him to change something that might also completely change him. Or you just might be where you started from.

I believe strongly that when selecting a person the most important thing to look for is how they respond to change? Not whether they are perfect. If your partner has a weird way of chewing food, you either accept it or move on? If his mother dies does he try to get on with life or sulk for 13 months?

Just like with the example look for the facts, things that cannot change regardless of change. These things are often known as character. If he/she isn’t violent when trouble strikes their first reaction would not be violence.

But what is most important do not at all cost construct your reality of what a person is just because you want them to be that way. Always retain an objective eye; after all it’s your life too.




The quality of life is more dependent on our perspective of life than our circumstance. Inevitably we become whatever we think we are.

As everyday turns to weeks and weeks to years, we see, feel or hear things whether it is from our mentors, a stranger on the street, a person we knew only for a few weeks, a former lover and even from a foe. An action touches us and sometimes that action is so powerful that we carry it on with us till the very day we die. Sometimes the experiences are good and sometimes terrible but it is often the terrible ones that can either make or break us.

Hopefully some-one will learn from this but I must remind you that this is not designed to tell you what to do or how to live your life (eventually you will have to make that decision yourself and live with the consequences). It is designed to show you various options to any given situation by focusing on why we interpret things the way we do

Behavioural psychologists have long debated on whether the first emotion a baby feels is shock or fear. This is because of what is termed the Startle Reflex (is the response of mind and body to a sudden unexpected stimulus, such as a flash of light, a loud noise (acoustic startle reflex), or a quick movement near the face). Many researchers believe that it is the later (fear). So take solace in knowing that even if it doesn’t feel macho to be afraid sometimes, realize that you were born this way (afraid).

There are many sources of fear, some are unreasonable (to everyone else but the person experiencing them) others are considered unhealthy such as Phobias (Please note that just cause you are afraid of something doesn’t mean it can be classified as a phobia). But whatever the source – a sense of the unknown, the future, physical danger, spiritual warfare, financial crises or reputation issues – FEAR IS REAL AND MUST BE FACED HONESTLY.

By now you might have noticed that in most human beings when faced with danger/ challenges that demand a unilateral answer the two foundational responses that appear to be hard wired into our psyche are flight or fight. So are you a fight or flight person becomes the next fundamental question?

Our fears more often than not can make us or break us. In an ideal world they should be treated as a stepping stone and taken one step at a time, even if the steps are baby steps. But we all know we don’t live in an ideal world. It is simply easier to let fear consume us than to fight through fear.

In my experience the best way to overcome a fear is not through dwelling on the fear but by focusing positively on resources we have to overcome it. In my case it was rejection. I was afraid that there was something about me that people might never identify with. Something I needed to prove and show that I was good enough. I wanted to connect with the world in a deeper way but was more afraid of rejection to even try.

You see before I had gotten my first proper job after my first masters degree I had sent over two thousand applications, this was no exaggeration as the true amount is probably closer to three thousand. I had been selected and gotten to the last stage with several graduate placements and in one case I actually got to the last three out of over three thousand applications they said they received and still never got picked. I was in a world where I was good enough to go through different stages for the job application but never seen as good enough for the actual job. Eventually after several years it took me a while to realise that what was truly missing was a sense of worthiness. A sense of direction became no existent, a sense of belonging a fairy tale and a sense of true ownership had no place in my being. I was no longer courageous I had been rejected so many times I felt I did not deserve it. I stopped applying for jobs and no longer cared. I tried to start my own business but needless to say the same fear of rejection came across. This was part of my “journey to self confidence” but at the time I did not know this.

I had made certain what ultimately was not and that is why it hurt. I had believed that I was a perfect gift with no blemishes just waiting to show the world that I was the best thing since sliced bread.  I had told myself I would get the job during every interview because I had read so many books about “what you believe you will achieve”. That I never realised that there was second side to the coin which one must also learn and this was the art of rejection or failure.

What was truly missing was not courage in the way we understand it today but courage in its original meaning (i.e from the latin word cor meaning heart). You see I wanted the world to see me for who I thought I was that I had forgotten to make sure I saw myself for who I thought I was. I had missed the most important foundational principle for motivation. This was courage to believe in yourself, courage to accept your own imperfection.

In order for others to believe in you or accept you, you must first of all accept yourself.  This will bring about real, genuine and lasting connection with others. You see after all this while I forgot to truly embrace myself.  Embracing your strengths is easy but accepting your weaknesses takes real courage.  This is what makes you unique and you.

In life nothing is ever really guaranteed but having courage through your fear or vulnerable side helps you to face this uncertainty. It helps you date and interact with the people when searching for a partner even though there is no guarantee the person you meet is the perfect one for you. It helps you to seek a goal you though eluded you even though you might never live to see the extent of your own success. I am speaking about something deeper than just motivation for a project.

Fear either of shame, failure or rejection is not a bad thing. Your ability your ability to deal with it is what will ultimately make you succeed.

You see fear is not just the foundation of rejection it is also the foundation of love, belonging, ownership and true inner strength. If you are afraid to love, you might never find love even when it is standing right in front of you. If you are afraid of rejection by people you will never find connection. I am not talking about numbing fear or pretending like it doesn’t exist. As I believe that emotions exist on a continuum. (i.e removing one removes the other). If you remove the ability to feel an emotion as strong as hate then deep love is ultimately eliminated. I am talking about feeling it and accepting it. I am talking about getting to a point where you realise that you are more than enough to achieve what you want if you chose to learn from mistakes, battle through fears and accept that nothing in life is truly guaranteed, all you can do is always give it your best. What quells the motivation most people receive after reading a book is fear that they might not succeed. What should keep you going is understanding that just because you did not succeed immediately does not mean you will not be a success.

Please remember I can only tell you the truth, you will ultimately have to decide what to do with it. My real turning point in life started the day I decided to let myself be myself. To be seen, heard and hopefully understood regardless of what may come. I dropped so much emotional baggage that day and haven’t looked back.

This did not mean I no longer faced disappointments but I had found a new way to accept disappointment.

When we face disappointment and adversity how we handle them is more important than the disappointment themselves. There is an old Japanese proverb that says “Fall Seven times, Stand up eight times”. This proverb emphasizes getting up more times than we fall. Life will always have trials, it will always contain problems. You will be hurt more than once and disappointed more times than you care to count. This is almost a guarantee because life simply is unpredictable.

However, our survival tomorrow is largely dependent on how we solve our problems today. If you believe you can achieve it, you will most likely try to find a way to achieve it (This is no way means that believing is all that it takes to achieve, it is just a part of the process).

I have learnt that the result of letting a fear consume you is too painful to explain and the feeling when released from that fear is too amazing to be ignored. Life will always throw challenges our way and as we grow older our fears change and anxieties morph but when we decide to face the fear at any given time we can be empowered and very often we discover depths in our ability to persevere and develop patience that we did not know we were capable of.

Do not grow weary when you get afraid for every fear you manage to overcome can only prove to you just how much you have to offer this world. Please note that when I speak of fear I am not making reference to just things we can hold but sometimes to intangible things such as a false belief system based on anxieties. A good example would be a lady that never goes out for dates because according to her all men are losers when the truth might be that she has a deep fear of rejection.

One thing one must put to mind is that “Courage is not the absence of fear but the realisation that something else is more important than being afraid.

You see fear ultimately can cripple you. Fear ultimately has two mantras

a) You cannot do it because of ……..?

Then just when you manage to get through it all then comes the second part

b) Who are you and why do you deserve it?

The two answers are simple.

Answer to A:  Despite my fear of …… I can still make it. My fear reminds me that I am human.

Answer to B: No-one deserves success as it is not a gift but I am worthy of it because I believe in myself and what I am doing.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”- Lao Tzu

I have a very good friend who has an almost irrational fear of germs and this affected every area and every aspect of her life. She cannot enjoy outings like most people and even though she always tried to ignore her fear it seemed to take so much from her and she never really felt any sense of relief till she got home and took a shower.

It wasn’t just about her outward appearance but it affected every part of her and every time I watched her do what with any additional intensity could easily be called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and often wonder how much more at peace she would have been if she faced her fears rationally. The fact is the human body can deal with more germs than she cared to admit.

This does not mean that I think she was irrational. Her situation was neither good nor bad, it was what it was. I just observed as it seemed to completely possess her to the point when she was constantly on the lookout and often distracted because of this. This example is only used to put additional emphasis on the fact that fear is sometimes more than just external and can have internal and extended implications.

Dealing with fear is like greasing the machine of motivation. Embracing fear allows you to finally be in a position to take action.

A belief is not just an idea the mind possesses but an idea that possesses the mind– Robert Oxford.






If you ever see me shining it is just a projection of what I already was

Self-confidence is simply one of the most powerful tools a person can have at his disposal. I believe that it is so powerful that too little or too much of it can ultimately destroy. However, when you get it just right you see yourself for what you truly are.

Self confidence comes from an internal view of oneself. A wise person once said “Be careful what you think cause your thought can become an action, an action can become a habit, a habit a character and a character can be passed on from one parent to an offspring”.

Now, the thought of something as simple as this should have been enough to scare any individual out of evil or harmful thoughts or radically make one more conscious of what they chose to think of themselves or others. This however is not the case.

A few years ago on a holiday trip to England. I attended New Wine Church in London and amongst everything the pastor said. I have held one thing closest to my heart. He said “just as God has given us free will and an ability to do just as we please, so also will he not deny us the consequences of our choices”.

In other words “We are where we are because of what roads we choose”.

You see the thing is, I believed that just as long as a human being is not mentally incapacitated or emotionally blunt his/her attribution of self-inflicted hardship has no excuses. What I am trying to say in simpler words is that “If a man has 2 eyes, 2 legs, 2 hands and 2 ears then whatever situation you find yourself financially is your fault and yours alone. I soon found out this was not an absolute truth. Getting out of a situation when you have put your all into it has as much to do with hard-work as it has to do with timing. I had spent countless frustrated hours feeling emotionally drained and physically exhausted because I believed that I failed because I kept making only “bad” choices and so focused so much on the perceived failure that I missed the opportunities that was present in every situation.

One thing my father said that I would always remember is that “If you were born poor it is not your fault but if you remain poor it’s your fault”. For decades I watched as individuals blamed their surroundings for the circumstances in which they find themselves, they have blamed God, their wives, their husbands, their government, their family and even their children but have always managed to be too blind to see their own inadequacies.

If I must be honest I have committed the same blunder several times and the result has inevitably always been the same (disappointment, dejection, frustration and endless anger) for me. I agree with most of that statement but I do not accept that it is your fault totally. I had taken a statement that must be understood in context and made it general and so missed the true meaning.

I have learnt that failing to see your own inadequacies is one of the biggest handicaps a person can have and to not see that ensures the real cause of a problem is never addressed. You see the thing is true self confidence can only come from understanding your strengths and weakness. This is where the “your fault” part comes in. It does not mean that you are responsible for your failure it simply meant you are responsible for whatever it is that is stopping you from succeeding. The responsibility I am talking about is not “finger pointing responsibility” in other words I am not trying to say it is your fault so something must be wrong with you. On the contrary I am only helping to throw light on the fact that something can be done about the road block. It is about taking control not taking blame.  You see no matter where you find yourself today you must make a decision to believe adequately in yourself to start to pursue what you want and cater for any inadequacies you might have.  Let me put it another way.

Everything on earth as we know is as a result of something no matter your perspective, whether spiritual, religious, governmental, evolutionary, big bang or magical. Something caused it to be there. I would not be so bold as to say that everything has an explanation as some phenomenon`s we don’t know why they are, we just know they are (at least until someone attributes meaning to causation for it). But often for every situation or thing there is an explainable cause.

Let’s now try to apply the same basic underlining principle to ourselves.  When we start to take more responsibility or time to think about whatever career decision, love choice or spiritual journey we want to take we can then ask ourselves. What is the “probable” end result?  Asking that vital question enables you to decide to either quit a particular route, re-start or realign.

In the event we decide we do not want to quit as we feel the probable end result is something we desire it then raises a few other questions. Is the re-start or re-alignment going to be smooth all the way? Do we have the ability to follow through till the end? What really happens in the journey between and what do we do while on the way? I will not be able to answer all the questions in great detail in this chapter but as you go through the book I hope to be able to assist in keeping things in perspective.

You see between actualisation there is always to points; a start point (the idea) and finish point (the success of the idea) but in between there is also always the journey through. What do we do during this time?

The first reality is not to expect the journey to where you want to be smooth and easy all the time. I have to admit some people do find it easy but if you were one of those people then you wouldn’t be reading this book as you will have no need for it. This is for people who find it hard just as I did. This is for people searching for self confidence and confidence in their ideas.

You see ideas are easy to come up with it; it is executing them that is difficult. There is a wise but tragic saying that “the graveyard is the richest place on the earth as it is full of ideas”.  Ideas are a dime a dozen. However, having a follow through mentality is not. This is what will ultimately make you successful as the reality is that not everyone can do it.

Before you run with any idea you must truly believe in it.

Think of it this way.  When a sales man wants to make a pitch to an investor he must believe or at least portray great belief in what he is trying to sell to the investors. He must try and make sure they believe in the idea deeply enough to financially back it but what is just as vital is that they must also believe that he is capable of delivering on their investment. You see self confidence is very important but there are a few other confidence factors here (i.e confidence from the investors on the product/service and confidence in the tool for delivering the product/service).

For the sake of simplicity there are two kinds of ideas.

a) An internal idea: an example is a decision to be a chef, an athlete or a singer/ musician or anything that relies on God given talent.

b) An external idea: A decision to start an online company, be a marketer or basically anything that does not rely on your God given talent.

When dealing with an idea you must be realistic and listen to “positive” criticism.

Being realistic cannot be over emphasized. Understanding the difference between a hobby and a career is very important. The fact you enjoy doing something doesn’t make it a viable career. It is only a career if it can fetch you the means to a decent living.

Basically, if you have a voice like a crocking frog it is simply unrealistic to try to be a classical musician. You might succeed in a different genre of music (i.e maybe hard rock or rap) but not classical. You might even be amazing as a producer for classical music or writer just not as a singer.  So being realistic not only helps you to stop wasting time and energy on something you might not be suited for but also helps you re-align to do something your particular talent or skill is more suited for. You see in the example above your talent could be for music but you are just in the wrong genre until you decide to be realistic about your abilities. This level of understanding can only be reached through an open mind.

An example of this can be seen in a number of athletes for example the Da Silva twins and Rio Ferdinand of Manchester united football club. They all really started their careers in a different position from where they ended up achieving success. While they had football talent, it was being utilised originally in the wrong position. Their success came about not from quitting but from re-alignment because they chose to listen to positive criticism.

Even in that example the realignment took part during the journey. The required levels of confidence were present also (i.e the players believed in their football talent that they were able to accept changes to their positional placement and the coaches believed in them enough to make a change that was best for the team and also their careers)

Ultimately your ability to succeed depends on people believing in you or liking what you have to offer this could be at the present or in the future but either way there must be external value in what you have to offer. It is important to take this into consideration when working. It is almost just as important as believing in yourself. Success almost always come from serving others or providing something others either want to see, hear or be a part of. This means that you must consider this when doing anything.

I promised to be as honest as possible in this book so I feel I must at this point interject once more. There is never any guarantee that the present generation will love your work but you must see the vision even if your invention or particular talent is not for the present. An example of this can be seen in the phenomenal success enjoyed by Edgar Allan Poe, Emily Dickinson, Vincent van Gogh, Henry David Thoreau, Galileo Galilei and a few others after their death. Their greatest discovery was not recognised until they were long dead and in some cases they lived their lives in poverty and penury.  I will touch a bit more on this later in this chapter. There is sometimes an exception to success only being determined by people liking what you have to offer but as a general guide it is safer to use the alternative (i.e people liking your work or having value to them). I am not saying it is impossible but not many people fall into this category.

It is also important to keep in mind that just because you are passionate about something does not mean any one else will share your passion. If you decide to be a musician the question is do people really want to hear this? If you want to be a writer the question is do people want to read this? If you decide to start a bank the question is will anyone want to save money here? I am sure by this point you get it.

I mentioned a few paragraphs ago that the journey is not always easy and smooth. Well believe it or not this is a good thing and can work in your favour. You see the thing about failure is that it teaches you what not to do. If I may borrow a statement from a friend “When Thomas Edison tested over 3000 filaments before he came up with his version of a light bulb he did not just fail over 3000 times he learnt over 3000 ways how not to make a light bulb”. He never stopped trying he just realigned his attempts. Also worth keeping to heart through your journey to success is that no one remembers the failures (i.e attempts) only the success.

Usain Bolt is today known as the fastest man in the world and probably an athlete with extreme self confidence in his abilities, running the 100 meters race and winning in 9.69 seconds and 200 meters race in 19.30 seconds. Some believed that had he not slowed down at the end of the 100 meters race to show boat he could have achieved this in 9.55 seconds (i.e Hans Eriksen and his colleagues at the University Of Oslo Institute Of Theoretical Astrophysics).  Usain Bolt was so confident in himself he once made an offer to the then manager of Manchester United; Sir Alex Ferguson to allow him join the team as a winger. He had no doubt that he would succeed as a footballer if he put his heart to it even though he had only really ever perfected his training as a sprinter. This does not mean he would have succeeded in that role but he surely had the right mental mirrored self image towards success.

Usain Bolt’s meteoric rise to success was achieved through natural talent and a lot of training however this does not mean he did not get beaten on the race track a few times before he achieved world record breaking glory or Olympic greatness. He just made sure he trained hard enough that when it mattered he delivered on his abilities. Today most people in the world know his name as attributed to success but very few know the journey to self confidence and success. No success is ever gained without an understanding that failure is not the end. It is just a lesson on what not to do if we want to succeed.

I have observed that very often it seems like we need to fall to learn to get up. Too many times have I seen human beings lying down complaining about their circumstances and never getting up from it until it consumes. The truth is you don’t drown by falling into a river you drown by staying in it and doing nothing.  The human spirit is such a remarkable thing when driven by a goal fuelled by confidence. Its everyday existence ensures that we have a chance for a future. Most times people just need to be pushed to their limit before they realise just how strong they really are.

It sometimes makes me sad that in a lot of peoples situations they need to go through sadness to appreciate happiness, they need to cry to know the value of a laugh and they need to lose a loved one to appreciate the beauty of life. They need to search for love to know never to take it for granted. This to me is one of the greatest tragedies of the human condition but ultimately it is what makes us human and not divine. .

Falling down when trying is not failure it is just a learning curve and should be seen as one. It can be difficult and frustrating to fall but this is also a good thing as the deeper the pain the more you want it. This pain is good and I can honestly say take heart, it gets better (obviously this is assuming your goal was realistic in the first place as mentioned above). This fall should never be allowed to be the reason to give up. This is just part of life. Life will throw you curve balls and we do not always get to pick what happens in life but we do get to pick how we deal with what is thrown our way. This is a principle not just for pursuing your goal but cuts across many areas or life.

How we handle things depends greatly on our perspective of life and what we want from it. You see, life itself is an intangible concept (just as Love or Hate is). It is only worth the value we place on it. For some people that value has only purely emotional attributes and for others rational attributes. That value often describes and differentiates us from everyone and inevitably predicts the intensity of our emotions/feelings towards anyone else. Everything can be taken from you except the choice to think how you want and what to believe in. So the real question is what value do you place on your thoughts? This will guide your life and goals.

I believe that every human being is beautifully and wonderfully created (just as the bible explains), but most importantly I learnt that they are armed through life with the ability to make rational choices (not easy choices but rational choices). This is true and should be applied when pursuing your goals and finding your way to self confidence.

The problem is to know when rational choices are not always the best choice. As in the case of people who became successful after they had died. When sticking to something no matter what is okay just as in the case of Edgar Alan Poe.

This might sound tricky. It`s quite simple really. When it comes to matters of the heart, loved ones, personal passions and in some cases personal fulfilment one must simply know when to put all caution aside and take a chance. Basically, I am talking about when daring to dream beyond rationale is acceptable. Does the potential end result justify the present heartache? Is he/she truly worth all the trouble or is it fear keeping you there? Mastering this ability is the real difference between a success and a failure. Knowing the when and the time, and for how long one can afford to be irrational, when one must call the dream quits and move on and when one needs to push harder than ever before.

Now I feel I should interject again here and say that not everyone has an idea they feel they want to pursue or has a talent that could become a career. It is also true that not everyone has something they feel they can build self confidence on and if you happen to fall into that category there is still hope at being a success. Maybe an example might help explain how.

One hot Sunday afternoon I walked close to where I lived, I saw a man walking down the street eating what appeared to be a sandwich. He was so engrossed in the meal and so satisfied after that he could not be bothered to throw his crust in a bin. As he walked away from where he threw this not so well eaten crumb I watched as a bird flew down and grabbed it from the street. Suddenly the meaning of what appeared to be a simple situation hit me.

This man had thrown away what he no longer wanted as he felt it was no longer useful and for this bird it seemed to be just what he needed. It had flown down and satisfied what was obviously a need. It had seen a random act and taken a cue from it to satisfy its hunger. I watched what scholars refer to today as an “opportunist” seize a randomly presented opportunity and I did not have to pay for this lesson. This is a business model adopted by companies such as Dyson. Dyson Hoovers are considered to be amongst the best in the world but they did not start the idea of a Hoover they only took what others thought had reached its full potential and built on it.

In a nutshell, I am simply saying do not spend all your time looking for inspiration if you have none. Start working on something (anything really) and inspiration will come to you.

Also while I was still deep in thoughts over what I had just observed and its application I saw a young teenage boy trying to perform what appeared to be a very skilful trick on his bicycle. I watched as he almost completed the trick he fell of his bike and then got up to try again. After about ten falls he finally got how to perform his trick. He realised he had not been positioning himself as well as he ought to. I then realised that even things as easy as “riding a bike” can teach you a valuable lesson.

This made me realise that the answer to some of life`s most difficult questions can be found in life`s simplest places. Obviously I am not talking about going nature watching to find answers, but observing the world around you as it happens can give you a more realistic knowledge than just classes. This can sometimes help us make choices.

So what happens when we have spent so long taking in other people’s advice and letting it frustrate us that we feel there is no point going on. I have only one real view on this. Our suffering today should not be allowed to determine our progress tomorrow. The beauty of pain is that when you have fallen to the very depths of sorrow you have no other place to go than to go up. But going up is a “Do it yourself project”. Most motivational books fail in achieving lasting results in the readers because when readers finish they are all puffed up and ready to go do something (i.e motivated) but this only last a while. The truth about why is that motivation must come from within and not from a book. It must be what wakes you up in the morning and not some idea. It should be strong enough to help you build a career that you do not need or want a holiday from.  My job as mentioned earlier is not to tell you what to do as you are smart enough to already know this, it is just to try to help you break things down so it’s a little bit easier to get to where you want to be.

No one can lift you as high up as you can, the same way no one can make you feel inferior with-out your consent. Their words and actions carry no meaning if the individual doing them has no value. In other words, the words of a person depend on the value we place on the speaker. So when you look at yourself what value do you place on you? This is not about mirror speaking tactics or about pride. It’s simply about knowing that your path might not be the same as wealthy Mr A but that doesn’t mean you will not get to where he is and surpass him.

In history one will be able to find people who have been able to understand the intense power of the human spirit and its ultimate ability to obtain results and motivate change, people like Abraham Lincoln, William Wilberforce, Nelson Mandela, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Pope John Paul (the 2nd), Mother Theresa, Professor Wole Soyinka and in modern time Americas 44th President Barrack Obama. These individuals are legends today not for being born into royalty or wealth but for what they did in their lifetimes in spite of their starting situations, they challenged each individual to look beyond race and in some cases countries, to seek themselves out and to realise that with human will power and spirit the impossible often become possible.

Not one person mentioned here can clearly state that they have never failed but today no-one remembers any of what could have been many failures. Or do we?

This taught me that failure ultimately is not a bad thing nor does it determine if we will ever be successful only what we do after we fail has the power to determine that.

Taking ownership of failure builds the foundation for success. The pillars of which must be self confidence and belief in what you are pursuing.







Welcome to our site. This site is dedicated to the people out there who have a story to tell that the world needs to hear. A lesson to teach that is unique to your own experience. A lesson from your life’s lecture notes. We are calling all “underdogs” out to tell their stories.

For anyone that does not know it yet, an underdog is a person popularly expected to fail. We want your success stories. We want to learn from you. We want to be inspired by you. We want to be taught by you. We want your story to be the one the world hear. The one that inspires a generation. We want real stories from real people about real events. Feel free to change characters names but inspire the world with a tale that only you can tell.

Welcome to our website (yes, that’s true mine and yours). What we will provide you with is a platform to tell the tale. All credit will be given to the writer so feel free to include your names (if you want). We want to inspire the world with the tales of real people about real events.



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